As a youth minister, I deal with a lot of teenage relationship issues. One of the main ones is how each side of a broken relationship accuses the other of causing the breakup.
Here’s an example. One of my youth will come in to talk, accusing his/her “other” for causing the breakup because the “other” treated him/her like an object and just didn’t care about the relationship. Now when the “other” would come into my office he/she would turn the tables, saying the “other” was at fault because he/she allowed the treatment to occur.
So who is at fault?
Is it the person who did the mistreatment? Or is it the one who accepted the mistreatment?
This is a tough issue for singles to discern. Honestly, I’ve been on both sides of this argument. I really think the main issue is that many of us – whether we are teenagers, young adults, or older – are immature in relationships. Some of us forget that scripture tells us we are made in the image and likeness of God and that we are to love one another as God has loved us.
I use these examples whenever I’m dealing with my young people. After much discussion – and sometimes intense debate – we eventually arrive at the solution that both sides are at fault, some more than others, but each person played a part. They weren’t equally yoked, and they both had different expectations in the relationships.
I try to instill that both sides are valuable and should not accept or inflict any mistreatment.
Yeah, love hurts, but so did the sacrificial love God showed us. He loved us so much that he sacrificed himself so we could be right with him. So too are we called to sacrificial love – meaning, it’s not about us, but about what God does through us.
As you look for the one, make sure that person is someone you see God through. Make sure that person is one who makes your relationship with God stronger, someone who values God’s presence in you.