6 Reasons For Not Getting A Response From Online Dating


Why you don't have mail

“Why aren’t I getting a response?”

It’s a question I’m asked often, and my answer is multi-faceted. It’s easy to get frustrated when you reach out to someone your interested in online – be it with a friendly email, a request to instant message or a fun emotigram – and your effort is followed by…nothing. We’ve all been there and it’s not a great feeling.

But don’t get discouraged. There are a slew of factors at play, some of which have nothing to do with you. So take a deep breath and consider these possible variables, which all can contribute to communication frustration.

 

1.       There’s no established etiquette for online communication – be it on Twitter, LinkedIn, Facebook, email or a dating site. When contact isn’t face-to-face or on the phone, many people simply don’t feel obligated to respond.

Someday there may be more established rules of etiquette, but for now ,people have differing opinions about what is polite behavior when responding to someone you don’t know in an online dating situation.

I’ve also known people to change their minds after using an online singles site; in the beginning they feel like they have to respond to everyone, even if they’re not interested, but then after some time they realize it can be time consuming.

 

2.       Online daters can be hasty and use the shotgun approach, which can boost your rate of rejection. Think about how the scenarios differ.

At a party, there are maybe less than a handful of people in your age range you are attracted to, and chances are you’re only going to approach just one –  two if you’re really feeling brave. Because you will approach fewer people over time, your rate of rejection is likely to be very low in comparison.

Online, you can choose from thousands of options and easily initiate communicate with a hundreds if not more people with little investment, just a click, click, click of the mouse and dozens of conversations, introductory messages, winks, flirts, etc. are sent out.

This approach will almost guarantee a smaller percentage rate of response and, thus, it could feel like you are doing much worse. It’s not that the shotgun approach is always a bad thing, but you just have to set realistic expectations for responses.

 

3.       We tend to be more critical online. When you’re one of dozens, if not hundreds, of profiles being viewed in an hour, you’re going to be judged by a high standard and, conversely, you’re likely judging others more critically as well.

Men and women might judge differently, but they both judge more harshly when they can dissect a profile and ponder photos.

The way to help lessen this effect is to make sure your profile is really, really good. Ask some friends from the opposite sex to look it over and give you suggestions. Guys and girls look for different things, so find out what they might be looking to know about.

Don’t be afraid to update your profile often. Once a month is not too much, but at least once every couple of months, even if it is just a small piece of new or changed information.

You can never upload too many photos — and that doesn’t mean 7 or 8 head shots. Upload photos that show who your are, what you’re about and why they should be interested in you. The next time you catch yourself being very critical about a profile you’re reviewing, remember someone is probably being just as critical about yours.

 

4.       Are you being realistic about who you contact? This goes back, in part, to point number two, how easy it is to initiate contact online.

When we’re meeting people offline, we tend to be much more discriminating about who we initiate contact with. Age range, their looks and even social class all play a part in whom we talk to or ask out.

Of course, there are no official rules and there are the exceptions (super model chooses the web geek). But I think you understand my point.

We’re more discriminating offline because of the fear of rejection and because it takes courage to engage in a conversation with romantic intention. So we tend to make contact with people we consider to be in our comfort zone; it takes a little less courage. But most of us have lots of courage when we’re online, safely tucked behind our keyboards in the comfort of our own home, where rejection isn’t imminent and there are no awkward moments.

But it is exactly that comfort that allows us to make contact with lots of people we might not risk it with in the offline world (which is not always a bad thing). However, that will inevitably increase your rate of a non-response.

A special note to guys: looking at the profile of women 20 or 25 years your junior is unlikely  to result in any real relationship, and more likely, it’ll give you a creeper label and land you as the butt of some jokes.

If a significantly younger women browses your profile, then by all means view her and maybe send her a message. Just remember: she might be scoping you out for her mom.

 

5.       Sometimes the chemistry is just off. Not all first communication is equal. Some messages will resonate; others will fall flat. Sometimes you’ll ask a question she/he can’t wait to answer; other questions will seem boring.

This is outside your control, as chemistry is and should be. Part of the magic is the rarity: there’s nothing like catching the right person on the right day with just the right words.

Don’t fight it, don’t stress about it, it just is what it is. If it doesn’t click, accept it and move on.

 

6.       Not all of our members are paid subscribers, and people who don’t subscribe cannot send or respond to messages. I understand this can be frustrating –  I have seen my share of angry support tickets and forum posts over this issue –  but it is the right model.

Growing and investing in CatholicMatch is in your best interest as well as ours; the more members we attract, the higher your odds of finding “the one.”

Let’s face it, what is the cost to be out in the offline world where there is a concentration of single Catholics who are interested in meeting other singles Catholic who care about their faith?

Does it exist? If so, please tell me, because I’m single too! And if it does, I bet it costs much more than $10 or $20 a month.

If someone isn’t willing to spend that much for the chance to connect with you, how serious are they really about meeting, let alone dating you?

 






149 Comments

  1. Dawn-58330 January 27, 2011 Reply

    Thank you, Brian, for writing about this issue (and you’ve written about it very well, too) as it is something that people tend to need insight about. And not just once. I know that every now and then I need a reality check about the ways of the world and the internet.

    I have to say that I agree with all of your points. I especially agree with your last point about investing CatholicMatch. We are all well-worth the cost of a CatholicMatch membership, even over the course of years. We ought to be willing, and even eager to make that investment (and for some it may be a sacrifice) in the pursuit of our faith and our love. I am glad that my membership comes at a cost (one I can budget for) as it places a value on being here. I would not want it to be for free for everyone, as I believe that would open a whole can of worms and greatly change the nature of the site.

  2. Claire-128711 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Very true,people seen to be more discerning these days, compaired to when i was dating in my 20’s

  3. Joyce-312695 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Feb.14,2011 is my 72nd Birthday,I hope I won’t be by myself again this year.
    Joyce-312695

    • Chris-672213 January 29, 2011 Reply

      Joyce: Invite everyone you know to share the day with you. Don’t wait for someone to bring you flowers; create your own joy!!!
      Chris

    • Bernard-568827 June 10, 2013 Reply

      I’m sorry, Joyce. I hope you won’t be.

  4. Christine-495916 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Very insightful and good food for thought too! Hopefully we’ll continue reaching out inspite of the hurdles.

  5. Elizabeth-51838 January 28, 2011 Reply

    thanks for saying to the guys about the 15-20 years your junior…..it creeps ME out when men in their 40s view my profile. They need to be realistic.

    Though I do have a comment: please let free members READ their messages. Then they can at least say “wow, someone sent me a message. I am going to pay for a month and respond back”

    • Patrick-786744 November 6, 2011 Reply

      One of the comments suggested letting others read incoming messages, even if they could not send any out. That’s actually a good idea. It shows you the kind of fish in the sea, and that they really are biting. Being able to see a message from a lovely young lass (I talks funny) would make me willing to buy a tackle box and rod so I could go fishing.

    • Ciaran-936934 January 19, 2013 Reply

      Wow, you are picky !

    • Bernard-568827 June 10, 2013 Reply

      I suppose. My mother was 15 years junior to my father; and I am not ashamed–and I will never remember him as a “creeper.”

  6. George-38733 January 28, 2011 Reply

    I agree with all of the points you address in your article but I have to add a word on common courtesy. If someone sends you a message asking to start a conversation/dialogue and you are NOT interested say so. In my age bracket (Late 40’s – 49) we are adults and can handle the word NO or NOT interested. Be open, honest, and forthright. Question? — is there a way on someone’s profile to tell they are a paid member?

  7. Cammie-679204 January 28, 2011 Reply

    I’d add that education level is something that most of us are discriminating about, and in addition being annoyed when men 20 years older than I am try to strike up a conversation, I’m annoyed when someone really hasn’t read my profile but just seems to think “she’s female, I’m male, we must be compatible.” Oh, and seriously, the emotigrams have got to go. They’re a lazy way of communicating and more often than not, I won’t respond to an emotigram.

    • Christa S. January 28, 2011 Reply

      Right on to Cammie-679204! I couldn’t agree with you more! I’ve had the exact same experience: “I’m annoyed when someone really hasn’t read my profile but just seems to think ‘she’s female, I’m male, we must be compatible.’ Oh, and seriously, the emotigrams have got to go. They’re a lazy way of communicating and more often than not, I won’t respond to an emotigram.” I’m the exact same way–the “emotigrams” are a complete joke and utterly lazy. I don’t respond to most of them, either. I used to be polite and say thank you, but I don’t believe we’d be a good match, but now I don’t even bother–all it does is encourage them.

      • Tom-556650 January 29, 2011 Reply

        May I offer a differing viewpoint? If someone takes the time to view my profile, I do the courtesy of saying “Thank-You” for viewing Frankenstein’s Profile via Emoticon. I put the words down thanking them for stopping by, and wishing them well in their search. To go into a long dialogue because somebody made the mistake of opening Shrek’s profile, isn’t a good followup, and usually never garners a reply. If they are interested, they’ll send a short emoticon back, and THEN one may reply at length.

        • Bernard-568827 June 10, 2013 Reply

          I’m with you, Tom

        • John-693290 July 8, 2013 Reply

          It’s true Tom. It seems that online dating is better for women, especially American women these days lol. Feminism hasn’t really helped American society, much either. It appears to have caused many men and women to increasingly resent each other. God never intended women to be this way, lead astray by the feminist creed. But be that as it may, I don’t take this too seriously. I always keep my expectations low on these OL sites. I do much better in real life, where people are “normal” and are less likely to have “relationship issues.” However, I am in no way suggesting that women who use online dating sites are “abnormal” or socially awkward” or have “issues.” But the reason why I prefer meeting in person is because you can see what the person looks like naturally, and not a rendition of them “dolled up” in a wedding photo. They can also see whether or not they are attracted to you– how you look and how you sound, at the present moment. With these online dating sites, there are so many options which make people tend to be far more picky. It seems to me also, and don’t quote me on this, that women tend to have higher demands of a prospective partner than men have for a potential partner. I also didn’t appreciate the way men were the ones who had to pay for a subscription to an OL dating service, and women, or “Ladies” had it free–even though we are supposed to be equal. However, I do think I prefer CM to E-Harmony lol

    • Tom-556650 January 29, 2011 Reply

      So Cammie, if I’m learning from your model of attraction, I should ignore any female respondants who don’t fall into a certain education level, or who might be one year off of my ideal match criteria?

      I know this sound a bit romantic and dated, but I always believed that Love could bridge all divides. I will confess that I’ve friended some younger members, but never even entertained a romantic interest with someone 20 years my younger. And yes, to clarify, there have been contacts from those 20yrs something younger, but once they see the Shrek Profile photo, they run away, as well they should. But if we shut our hearts because of education level, what next – how well they match your Fendi or Prada? If you have a thousand point checklist, will anyone ever pass muster?

      • Bernard-568827 June 10, 2013 Reply

        “Like” –There should be a “like” button around here

    • Kwaku-654846 January 29, 2011 Reply

      The emotigrams are GREAT! They should stay! Look, not all men (or women) are outgoing…many are shy initially. Being shy doesn’t imply laziness or a lack of interest, and it doesn’t mean they’re destined to be bad boy/girlfriends! I would rather have an interested woman emotigram me than to do nothing at all!

    • Charles-683007 February 10, 2011 Reply

      Frankly, I don’t know if I am compatible. That’s why I want to find out. Half the people in this world are of the opposite sex, which means writing them off could make you very lonely. Just because you are young enough to be my daughter doesn’t mean we can’t share experiences, just not romance.

  8. Christa S. January 28, 2011 Reply

    No. 4 should be moved up to No. 1: Are you realistic about who [sic] you contact? I have invested a GREAT deal of time, thought, and energy into writing my profile, sharing my interests and tastes, and being as realistic as I can about who I am and the kind of man who has the values I am seeking. It is written with the INTENTION of dissuading men who have NOT thought carefully through their values. And yet I have to wonder about some of the men who contact me: did you read my profile? I mean, I’m a heavy reader, and I state in my profile how important that is to me–why would someone who doesn’t read contact me? I make quite clear that I am a daily communicant and how important my faith is to me and in the man I’m seeking–why would someone who attends Mass monthly and who is casual about his faith contact me? Even worse are these silly emotigrams “beaming” at me–and what am I supposed to do with that? Pick up the ball and take the initiative to strike up a conversation with you? You can’t even take the time to write a brief, articulate letter of introduction stating your interest? 90% of the men on this site are completely clueless and just bumbling around. They haven’t thought through what they value themselves, and so of course they have no idea what it is they’re looking for in a woman short of someone simply to “hang out with” or “go to Mass with.” Seriously–there DOES need to be a guidebook or instruction manual of some sort, it seems.

  9. Antoinette-609302 January 28, 2011 Reply

    I agree with Cammie on Emotigrams. It seems equivalent to a “hi, nice shoes” or “great hair” or “hey, how ya doin'” kind of noticing as they pass you in public. I don’t respond to those comments with anything but “thank you”. Emotigrams don’t even get that response. It seems to me like either you want to talk or you don’t so make a little investment and say so by emailing.

    • Tom-556650 January 29, 2011 Reply

      I can assure you, that once you’ve written torrents of letters to those who never even kindly reply with “Please pass me by”, an emoticon (or emotigram if you are a currently paid member of CM), then you have made a simple notice, and if they fail to respond in even that little measure, it’s abundantly clear that they do not want or will not tolerate ANY further attempt to reach out to you. It’s the old rule of the dance floor – if a girl turns down the first guy who asks her to dance, most of the guys who saw that will turn to ask someone else rather than her – not out of punishment, but out of fear of being rejected like their predecessor. Please feel free to punch holes in my logic.

      • Shannon-516462 October 10, 2011 Reply

        I think emoticons are good. Its a simply way to show someone youre interested in or find attractive. Almost like smiling at someone passing by, a simple gesture. IF the person is not interested, theyll just ignore it. But if they are, they might return the favor and a convo can start. I emoticonned a guy on here, he seems out of my league, but I found him handsome anyways so I thought Id send him a smile.

        • Joini-720040 January 14, 2012 Reply

          I think..I agree with your point Shanon. I feel the emoticon show a courteous greeting to start a friendship, for some people it is acceptable.

      • Bernard-568827 June 10, 2013 Reply

        I agree, very much

  10. Catherine-609475 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Great thoughts.

  11. Carrie-503892 January 28, 2011 Reply

    This is a great article. I would also like to point out that bad grammar and spelling are things that prevent me from looking further into someone’s profile. Also, it drives me nuts when I see profiles listing ethnicity, location, height, etc. That’s not going to entice me to visit a profile. Put a little more thought into it and make it about WHO you are, not just your stats.

  12. Tony-192517 January 28, 2011 Reply

    “Growing and investing in CatholicMatch is in your best interest as well as ours; the more members we attract, the higher your odds of finding “the one.”
    A bit of a double standard here and serious slanted-This is no different from any business product.At the end of the day it is about margin and profits.Lower margins benefit the consumer which is fact and over the long over haul the company if its makes the product popular.This where subscription prices become relevant .A bigger database with paid subscriptions equates to higher probability of someone finding his true love. This is a proven fact tested from early studies from the initial inception of dating services. So Catholic match should stop acting like pharasees and step up to the plate if their intentions are true.At the end of theday its all about profits.

  13. Tony-192517 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Correction
    Growing and investing in CatholicMatch is in your best interest as well as ours; the more members we attract, the higher your odds of finding “the one.”
    A bit of a double standard here and seriously slanted-This is no different from any business product.At the end of the day it is about margins and profits.Lower margins benefit the consumer as it enables them to get that product which is fact and over the long over haul the company if its makes the product popular by being cheap.This is where subscription prices become relevant .A bigger database with lower paid subscriptions equates to higher probability of someone finding his true love. This is a proven fact tested from early studies from the initial inception of dating services. So Catholic match should stop acting like Pharisees and step up to the plate if their intentions are true by trying to strike a balance.At the end of the day its all about profits lets be honest here.

  14. Steve-644363 January 28, 2011 Reply

    If not all members are not paid subscribers, do you post their profiles in hopes that you will lure them in? It seems that you are doing a disservice to those of us who have paid, offering an undue distraction.

    • Joan-351524 January 28, 2011 Reply

      What I would love to see is paid status on people’s profile so we KNOW not to bother, or at least that there’s a real good chance of no response. I must admit when I first joined about 2 years ago, I did so on the idea that I would only pay if/once someone wrote. I paid for 1 month at the time. I have been back now maybe two months and find I get very little response. It’s very good to know some of the reasons people don’t write back. Also, my profile is very honest and upfront. I know who I am and who I am looking for. I trust eventually I will find him, somehow, somewhere.

      • Lin-799525 December 9, 2011 Reply

        I have just signed up but I am not a member that has subscribed. I am new to the site and I agree, there should be a flag that reads signed up but is not a full member yet. And that will let the gentlemen know why I have not responded. I want to respond in a few weeks because I am out of work and would like to secure some money to be able to be a subscriber. I arrived at catholicmatch just by browsing the internet, so it has been a happy discovery for me. 12/09/2011

      • Helen-489945 April 14, 2012 Reply

        I agree with you. I was a paid member for over a year and 1/2 and you do not know, when you send an emotigram (I do like them for initial contact), if they did not contact you because they weren’t interested or because they are not a paid member and cannot.

      • Bernard-568827 June 10, 2013 Reply

        I think those were my thoughts as well, Joan. And I’ve kind of done the same thing

    • Carol-516667 January 28, 2011 Reply

      I really agree with Steve about not being able to respond if not a member. I think you should change your policy and not even set up a profile unless they are a member. Its deceivuig.

      • Tom-556650 January 29, 2011 Reply

        I USED to think this way. But as a paying member, writing nice specific personalized introductions to those who made my heart beat faster – I was dismayed to find that 98% of those never replied to even kindly say “Thanks, but No Thanks”. Then I learned the insider rules of this site. Paying members CAN reply to Emoticons (not that they always will). Paying members DO visit chat rooms. If you JUST want to meet people on this site who pay – use those, go there, and take consolation that maybe, JUST MAYBE, the rest who are taking a break, but watching the site with peripheral vision – will rejoin in paying status when SOMEONE takes notice of them, and reaches out. Until then, we sit in the shadows. It’s no different than the dance floor. Just because you’re sitting on the sidelines watching, doesn’t mean you won’t ask the right person to dance when you are rested, or feel that compelling attraction.

    • Peter-44842 February 22, 2011 Reply

      Steve raises a good point. The article acknowledges that many people are non-subscribing. And, unlike other commercial sites, CM gives only the vaguest indication when someone was last on. The net result is that the site can give people the impression of more vitality and active subscribers than are there.

      I don’t begrudge CM making a buck. And yes we are adults who realize caveat emptor, and we are only paying to contact whoever happens to subscribe. But at what point do some of these tactics border on manipulation of the knowledge of what one is actually paying for. The CM response that log-ins involve a privacy issue to me does not cut it. (We can see who is online, for instance.) The fact is CM sets certain arrangements to their considerable financial benefit. Telling us to be grateful, patient and keep paying is to me slightly redolent of bad faith.

      • Josh-196444 February 20, 2013 Reply

        good points! I did some digging and found out CM is part of a conglomerate that operates other web sites and business ventures, so it is a business website with a Catholic veneer.

  15. Marilyn-583253 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Wow, some of you get so many responses you can pick and choose? So you can choose not to respond to an emotigram? I’m so surprised when I get a view of my profile that I respond if nothing else than to acknowledge someone’s “interest”.

  16. John-534674 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Thanks for the Post and can always use a little help or advice. God Bless you!

  17. Sandra-43283 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Very interesting thoughts. Important points worth to be published more often.

  18. Bernard-307915 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Elizabeth 51838 has a good idea about reading msgs when you are not a paid member. Also George 38733 has a good idea about a note showing a person is not a paid member. Here’s why I think these are good ideas.

    I’m a member of the checkout generation; I’m pushin’ 80. I never learned how to date more than two women at a time and since I have no interest in increasing my knowledge in this area, once I find two interesting women, I almost never respond until one of these relationships has run its course. This is also the reason I often let my membership lapse. Here’s something that happened in the past. I was not a member and received a msg from a woman who had posted her photograph. Her photo and profile appealed to me so I became a member once again just to read her msg. The msg did nothing for me and I felt that I wasted my money. I’m old fashioned enough to believe that the man picks up the tab. I don’t want to be a burden to my children so I’m careful with my shekels. But a good photo, a good profile and an appealing msg will open up my membership purse strings. It’s no longer worth it to me to become a member just to read a msg when I am already dating one or two women I met on Catholic Match.

    • Ursula-419039 February 14, 2011 Reply

      I also agree with the comments about the difficulty in signing up because you want to see a message to be sent only to discover it’s not a right fit for you. It would be nice if the opening/first message could be free to read, so you don’t sign up for something you aren’t going to pursue. They could include a tab after with options for polite declines then, if they refuse to allow a free reply. That way all the concerns of “Why am I not getting any responses?” would be answered.

      It also is more alluring and enticing to join if you read of someone’s interest, over just seeing a message in the mailbox. If you aren’t sure about signing up, one might think it’s just a generic friendly greeting.

  19. Dorothea-456107 January 28, 2011 Reply

    There`s a lot of truth in the six reasons – even in the last one: only people who have paid should be able to read or send messages to emphasize that they are really interested in a contact – but: I think it is not fair from catholic match that you cannot see who is a paid member and who is not! When I send a message to someone I at least want to know if the other person can read it or not!

  20. Michael-76823 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Thank you for sharing this insight, Brian. You summarized quite well what usually takes about 200 forum posts to come up with.

    As for the comments above about Emotigrams: I do find value in Emotigrams, and most of the contacts I’ve had started out with them. The can be a good ice breaker if they are done sincerely and creatively, as opposed to a simple “nice profle” or something like that. I also use them regularly for a quick note or day-brightener thoughts to friends. I’d much rather receive an emotigram, than a chat request from someone I haven’t otherwise communicated with yet.

  21. Brian-565206 January 28, 2011 Reply

    If I decide to use an emotigram, I make sure there is a note along with it showing I read the woman’s profile. I can see how it can look lazy or non specific, but if you ignore each one out of spite you may miss out on the man or woman of your dreams. Somebody is showing interest in you, however the initial contact is done…remember it’s only initial contact. If you take a chance and respond maybe the next message will be the long thought provoking conversation your looking for. Once again, someone is showing interest in you and your taking it like a slap in the face; maybe there is a reason why your still single.

    As far as listing who is paid and can respond, I think that would be a good feature.

  22. Belle-565572 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Great article. One day, I will be seriously looking for the one who is also Catholic like myself. Right now, I am just way too busy doing what I need to do with what is going on with my life. Once I am ready for that someone, then I will join. Sometimes, it is about timing. Had been divorce for 11 years and I feel like I am just not meeting the right one, so taking a break for now, but sometimes I can peak who is out there, just out of curiousity. Unfortunately there are men who are Scammers out there, so be very careful, ladies. And that goes without saying that men are Victims too, by women who only want money from men and run off once they get what they want. I STILL BELIEVE in my heart that GOD WILL SEND ME MY HEAVEN SENT, one day. Amen.

  23. Stephanie-631079 January 28, 2011 Reply

    I’m very serious aout wanting to meet someone to fall in love with, and preferring they be Catholic…BUT you shouldn’t have to pay for love… and the church should help enourage and assist people in being able to receive a wonderful sacrament… not profit from it! Believe it or not, $10 or $20 a month is hard for some single people.

    • Stephanie-631079 January 28, 2011 Reply

      Oh boy, looks like I shouldn’t let my fingers type while I’m mad, especially without having spell check. Sorry for all the spelling errors in my above comment, if there was a way to delete or edit it I would. And quite frankly I commented after only reading the article… now that I”ve read ALL the other comments I’m pretty disappointed at all those that think its right to charge for this service.

    • Bernard-568827 June 11, 2013 Reply

      I very much agree, Stephanie :)

  24. Garth-632767 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Thing is too, we need to be people of faith. Being a weekly sunday catholic for many years now, I notice that in the churches around, it’s still the better looking woman that catch the men. Theres always going to be a lot of pretentiousness in the church, and especially the immaturity of a lot of young catholics which still are bent on image. We fall into this sense (as I know i did) that “oh their catholic”, and found out that thier usually not any different than non church going people. in our day and age we label ourselves “catholic” or “christian” out of association, or because its the”in” thing. Non church goers seem to be a lot less judgemental a lot of times, and are lot more open in a lot of cases to dating.

  25. Andree-482806 January 28, 2011 Reply

    can someone at C.M. help built a profile to match the member’s personnality with a sophisticated introduction? For a fee of course. Also, a spelling help perhaps; English is my second language, and messages do not always come out as intended.

  26. Rachelle-462021 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Glad to hear that others share the same problem. We send message and get absolutely nothing in return. We are not asking to get married–a cup of coffee and chat would suffice. Also, personally I find that too many eligible individuals live far too far away to even consider a relationship. I work nearly full time at age 70 and have no desire to leave my job, have no desire to leave the State where I live. So far I am compatible with one person I sent a message to who never responded. So thank you for the info as it made me feel better about the no response situation.

  27. Donna-83441 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Don’t ya dare get rid of my emotigrams.. I happen to love getting them and send them all the time.. Just ask my Partner in Crime, Jerry..

    Seriously, I’m glad you included the advice to the guys about the Creep Factor of contacting women young enough to be their daughters.

    I’ve been here 6 years, more or less, and, while unsuccessful in the match respect, I feel like I’ve been a success in all the ways that matter. I have made lifelong friends and have had terrific fun doing it. I’ve traveled all over. I’ve had the chance to spend 8 mos out of the last three years in Maine. My life would not be what it is today without CM.

    • Prudence-932596 March 15, 2013 Reply

      What I find creepy are the guys 20 years younger than I. And the ones that look at your profile time after time after time without making contact of any sort. It makes me feel like I am in a fishbowl and the cat is watching me.

  28. Sylvie-569488 January 28, 2011 Reply

    Hi Brian,
    Your points are well made and enlightening as far as the logistics of using an online match site is concerned! I especially liked your point about men browsing profiles of women 20 or 25 years younger!
    Sylvie

  29. Rob-362135 January 28, 2011 Reply

    I have a question for the paying members: If there was an indication of paying vs. non-paying members on all profiles, would you just ignore profiles of non-paying members?

    I’d also like to tell Cammie (670204) and Christa S. that I can appreciate you thinking emotes are (my word) lame. When I first joined I sent emotes, but soon thereafter I reserved those for quick hellos to people who were my CM friends. From then on if I were interested in getting to know someone, I would send them a message of at least a couple of paragraphs, which included bringing up a couple items from their profile that made me believe we had things in common.

    I have been off-line since last June, but am thinking of using the current discount to reconnect with the CM community… for the support that it provides and to contact some of the wonderful CM Pinkies who have viewed my profile over the last couple of months.

    • Kwaku-654846 January 29, 2011 Reply

      Yes, I would ignore the non-paying members most of the time……. If I were really interested in them, I would send an emotigram.

  30. Jesse-536824 January 28, 2011 Reply

    This still doesn’t sell me on the format they have for free vs. paying. I understand there are two different things, but seriously, I think that generally all of us can tell from someone else’s profile if we’re interested or not. Why can’t we read emotiograms and messages regardless of paying or not? Then we know who is interested in us and if we are interested back. I understand that the site needs to make money, but its supposed to be Catholic, and be allowing us (esp us younger folks) to be responsible with our choices. How responsible is it to just drop that much money just to see who emailed you?

    • Dawn-58330 January 29, 2011 Reply

      Jesse, how about a bringing a different line of thinking to the process? It’s not “dropping that much money to see who emailed you.” It’s investing in the system that will facilitate the developing relationship between you and that special woman you are looking for. Maybe she isn’t the woman you initially sign up for when you pay to read a particular message– that one may fall through. But then you have the rest of the time to explore all the aspects of the community you have not been able to use before to find that lovely lady that will capture your heart. Isn’t she worth the sacrifice and the journey? I think she thinks you are… that’s why she paid the membership.

    • Tom-556650 January 30, 2011 Reply

      While I respect Dawn’s wisdom and optimistic analysis of your question, Jesse, I tend to see the “pay before you look” – very similar to the all-you-can-eat buffet that also – “won’t let you look at what they have to offer” before you pay. If you really saw what was out there, they are hedging their bets you won’t pay. So much like “The Price is Right”, or blackjack, put your money down, and gamble that it’s going to pay off. Just don’t be mad when you end up making donations to the Casino each month before seeing any returns. But in this regard, like the Lotto, if you don’t play, the chances of winning go down in geometric proportions. Or maybe in the mindset of the cup is half full “How much do expect to see in returns if you only invest minimally.” Love like there is no tomorrow, like you’ve never been hurt before! Tear down the fortress around your heart. Let the Holy Spirit Lead you to Love. Are you ready to Follow?

    • Bernard-568827 June 11, 2013 Reply

      I don’t know. I agree with you Jesse.

  31. Ann-646987 January 28, 2011 Reply

    What kind of quality results & support can I expect when you don’t bother to edit your helpful posts are not carefully edited: “when you reach out to someone your interested in online” “Upload photos that show who your are,” ?

    • Ann-646987 January 28, 2011 Reply

      Well the didn’t go well!! I didn’t even edit my own!

  32. Tom-556650 January 29, 2011 Reply

    A special note to guys? REALLY? So it’s perfectly normal and acceptable for a woman who is 45 to check out the profile of a 25 year old male, but there IS NO CHANCE that he is checking her out for his Single Dad? Is this the last refuge of Cougars? LOL.

    I know more 40+ women looking for Team Edward or Team Jacob than guys who realistically think they are going to meet Paris Hilton. Isn’t it just natural to look at who looks at you? It doesn’t mean you’re seeking them out. If your phone rings, don’t you answer it?

    This site is hopelessly biased, and all men fall short of the “high bar” that is always be set by the unrealistic expectations of the Staff and Members. Not subscribing may also be born of experience, where after months of no replies, generates the real expectation that Love is born of looks, not personality.

    • Dawn-58330 January 29, 2011 Reply

      Tom, honestly Brian’s comment directed toward the men about contacting much younger women came about not because of some form of bias on this site. Rather it stems from a long and on-going discussion in the forums, help tickets and chat rooms. Women have asked for this to be addressed. I’ve been here for several years, and I can honestly say that this has not been the case for the situation you propose. If the men find it to be a situation that needs to be addressed (older women seeking younger men, or the like), then they need to ask Admin to address it. Brian’s only addressing the issue that has been raised often.

      As for your point about people not getting upset about people who look at your profile. I agree. A look is just a look– like someone passing me on the street. I’d be offended if people of all ages didn’t look at me. (And here in the Midwest it is courteous to smile, too.) Looking isn’t the same as pursuing or seeking a relationship with. Women need to get on board with that! However, the complaint is about much more concrete contact, repeated chat invites and ongoing messaging. Again, those can be ignored or passed by, too, without a big hullabaloo.

    • Marie-575233 February 12, 2011 Reply

      Tom.Let’s not forget that at times viewing of profiles may occur accidently.At times one may click on a profile without meaning to,especially novices like myself.Viewing may not neccessarily mean interest.

    • Bernard-568827 June 11, 2013 Reply

      Well, Tom, if you’re still around, I agree…And, what is the “approved” age difference beyond which two such persons ought to be forbidden to communicate? Should we, say, anything greater than (not-inclusive) ten years? Or, should we make it even more rigid?

      You know, it may seem strange, or a matter of science fiction–but I have actually observed healthy relationships between two people where there is quite an age difference (and, no, I am not out there looking for this myself). Or should we strive for legislation to imprison Michael Douglass, because he is with someone outside the “approved range?” Or is he an exception (because of fame/status/something else/people like him)?

  33. Dionne-675109 January 29, 2011 Reply

    It is hard when you are a new member and you don’t own a credit card. You see someone you may be interested in and you cannot communicate because you have not subscribe.

  34. Betty-573079 January 29, 2011 Reply

    I would like the catholic. com to put the older people all together then mixing us with young generation. i think you can find your soul mate better if you separate us. some times your looking on line and all this young generation pops out it takes a long time to find your older mate.

  35. Fina-616210 January 29, 2011 Reply

    Thanks for the six reasons, Brian. I didn’t know emotigrams have negative effects as I can see from the comments. I use it because I thought it is sufficient invitation to start a conversation. I, too would appreciate it if you don’t post profiles of non-members as they can’t possibly send a response. It’s not fair to those who initiate the conversation and not get a responsse and won’t even have an idea why.

  36. Ann-668265 January 29, 2011 Reply

    Snow is beautiful in NJ now but it makes one think of the warmer climates at this time. But that thought fades with the ocean and mountains that I enjpy come spring. iLife is great if one learns to enjoy the hand one is dealt even with the weather so again my cup is overflowing.

  37. Rosellen-452894 January 29, 2011 Reply

    I am having trouble submitting a head shot. For whatever reason it will not connect. I have contacted the site for suggestions and I know it is me and my computer skills, however, if I could get my picture on my profile, I might help. I would love to experience the joy of this web site, but I feel a little uneasy.
    Are all the people on this site Catholic?

  38. Kwaku-654846 January 29, 2011 Reply

    I have a question/comment about distance. Do some women decline to reply because of the distance? Thing is, some of us live in small towns which have hardly any CM members. Our only choices are often and two or three hours’ drive away.
    On the other hand, if I were a woman who lived in Chicago and got lots of e-mails from all over, I’d probably give a higher priority to the guys in Chicago…..

  39. Carol-516740 January 29, 2011 Reply

    Not sure how to meet people on line the artical sounds like it is a game of chance.
    still want to try and find a new friend to share life with . I will put my faith in God

  40. Jim-397948 January 30, 2011 Reply

    How about a prayer before you click on or send another message!!!

    • Marie-575233 February 12, 2011 Reply

      Hi Jim.Has praying before clicking brought you any results?

      • Derrick-769010 September 27, 2011 Reply

        Online dating is challenging for us who dont have Credit Cards and Our Banks Don’t have this facility. So is it possible to pay using Bank Draft.
        I cant even check my messages. God help me

  41. Monika-362084 January 30, 2011 Reply

    To Brian: Is there a reason why my comment was not published?
    Monika

  42. Monika-362084 January 30, 2011 Reply

    Perhaps I did not do it correctly yesterday.
    My comment was that it seems to me as if the gentlemen in my age group are all resident in one of the states of the USA. When I receive the “ten most compatible matches”, there is never anybody closer to home – not in Europe or South Africa. I have come across four or five men in Germany who were in my age group and of any interest to me……. and that was only once. Nobody seems to be interested in a long distance friendship to start off with. I understand: one cannot have a romantic dinner by candle light across 5000km. But, if this is an exclusively American Catholic club, then anyone further afield does not stand much of a chance.

  43. Bev-672070 January 30, 2011 Reply

    The best real advice ever, too many superfiscal people out in the world. Thank you

  44. Maria-678957 January 31, 2011 Reply

    quote “If someone isn’t willing to spend that much for the chance to connect with you, how serious are they really about meeting, let alone dating you?”

    Come on, it is that a joke? We are catholic, so why can’t be free for Us? Every thing is about a money.

    • Maria-678957 January 31, 2011 Reply

      Twenty dollars, can be a lot for some one. Not all can be reach, we have poor too, who want to be involve in this things. That means, they can’t? Can we say, that is right answer?

  45. Nicholas-597354 January 31, 2011 Reply

    Good article Brian, but I found it a little amusing that you completely skirted around the issue of looks. Let’s face it, people are attracted to the opposite sex for their own particular reasons. Some women may find me attractive, whereas for others I just might not fit the bill and vice versa. Its human nature and just the way things work and its okay. People tend to forget about this so I think its okay to gently remind everyone of this point so as to lessen any discouragement that comes from non-responses. Good luck to everyone in their search.

  46. Michelle-666663 January 31, 2011 Reply

    Thank you so much for writing this piece, Brian. I agree with other posters about somehow signifying that someone may not be a full featured member… Maybe it would help someone who isn’t getting many responses from canceling? Also, I think that emoticons/grams are a generational thing and a way to test the waters if you are shy. Even though much info about online dating etiquette exists, I think it would be a huge benefit to everyone if CM had some guidelines posted on the site, such as responding “not interested” or “taking a break from dating” and getting back in x amount of time. Maybe those who are taking a break could have an “out of office” type feature they could select and it could default to that for non-paying and members who haven’t been active in 1-2 months? And regarding payment of the site… I’m fine with paying, and slot it towards “entertainment” in my budget. If you really want a free site, then check out the free sites that are available… Just don’t expect as many Catholics and be prepared to ask them in your communications about things like mass attendance and Church teachings if that matters to you.

    • Michelle-666663 January 31, 2011 Reply

      I meant to say does NOT exist regarding online dating ;)

      • Garth-632767 January 31, 2011 Reply

        mother Theresa stated that when she was younger, her mother told her not to refuse people who came to their door, because its Jesus. We should treat all mail like its jesus inviting us to his table.

        • Michelle-666663 February 1, 2011 Reply

          Nicely stated, Garth. I think it’s just common courtesy to reply to people, even if you are not interested, because, well, they are people! But keep in mind that you might be turning away someone who could be your soul mate – not everyone is perfect, looks perfect, or writes perfectly. My mantra: trust and assume goodness in intentions ;)

  47. Susan-539104 January 31, 2011 Reply

    I am extremely disappointed in Catholic Match. All of my friends tell me that I am ‘too holy.” especially because I am looking for a man in my age catagory who does not believe that sex must be pre-requisite to marriage. Everyone says that once you have been married and that we are the age that we are (63) that really doesn’t count anymore. Can someone show me in the Bible or the 10 commandments where Jesus says that at some point in our lives the “now shalt not commit adultry (fornication if no married) has been eliminated for seniors? Most of the men that I find interesting on CM do not believe in a non sexual relationship. Where are the really true Catholic men?

  48. MaryAnn-636064 February 7, 2011 Reply

    How do we know if a single is a member of Catholic Match.com? I have sent etiograms but have not heard anything else. What should I do next? I feel like I should have joined another singles club that has brought me many more opportunities to iniate onversation with.

  49. Ursula-419039 February 14, 2011 Reply

    Just want to say that the economy has been rough on some and sometimes life hits you hard. Just b/c it isn’t really something you can budget, doesn’t mean you aren’t serious or interested in meeting someone or worthy of dating. Yes, courting is expensive, but there you are actually investing in a better chance of something concrete. Dating sites are money put in on a far greater whim and chance. It might not be financially responsible to join – or more likely keep joining – if you don’t actually have success. Some people may not have the extra finances by way of service, too (as in helping out a loved one with a health scare), so they should not be judged as “not ready to date if they don’t have the dough”.

    A much better solution would be to have 1-2mos sign ups at the same discount as a trial. Then the idea of as you say not willing to spend “$10 or $20 a month” is more valid. $60 is a far greater blow. That way, they get a better idea of your services AND are more likely to renew if they find some interesting people and enjoy the service… maybe even lucky enough to find the right match. That’s my perspective. It sounds like a lot of people have argued this, though, so I don’t think I should hope on it changing for the better too soon, sadly.

    Anyone else agree?

  50. Kathleen-652205 February 15, 2011 Reply

    Etiquette is the same as good manners an PC is not always proper thinking or behavior. If we are to go along with the majority or most focal of people, where will that eventually lead us to? I believe, as many I hope, that we need to use the minds God gave us to choose what is right or wrong with him and ourselves. I agree that if someone is not interested they will not respond, but it is not good manners. It is very much like not responding to another person who has just said hi to you, which is rude and disturbing behavior unless maybe they person did not hear you or was deep in thought. The later two excuses are going to be rare. People, in general, today don’t have good manners and don’t care. They don’t feel the need for explaination of their actions or inactions. The majority seem to be concerned only with themselves unless there is something in it for them. Very often people will say “that’s the way the world is”. My grandfather knew and told his family that it is not the beautiful world God originally gave us, but the people who harm other people and all he has given us.

  51. Marie-575233 February 22, 2011 Reply

    Online dating is challenging!!!

  52. Jackie-613484 February 23, 2011 Reply

    I agree with all the reasons listed above. I use emotigrams because I get tired at times of writing emails that don’t receive any kind of response. My response ratio is probably 20:1, and I think there are more unpaid profiles than paid ones. I have been on this site (and prior St. Raphael) for 8 years (minus a few short term relationships), and I am beginning to wonder if enough is enough. I’ve been praying about it-but to date-no idea which direction to go.

  53. Frank-635463 February 26, 2011 Reply

    Thank you for sharing this information;I can see it being helpful; one other thing when people do not connect with us it is not that they reject us.You cannot reject someone you do not know,and who knows us better than God and He does not reject us!!! Jesus gave the ultimate sacrifice by dying on The Cross to prove God’s love for us. Frank

  54. Otilia-769947 September 27, 2011 Reply

    It’s a good informative piece of writing, Brian. If I may add my experience, I’m a stranger to ‘the internet dating circle’, and a new member. I was a little overwhelmed by the time needed in order to respond to mail received and have not responded to all. I do believe that even if you don’t first click, a polite thank you is still a nice thought. However, it can lead to encouragement – it’s a fine line. Here, I have to quote the words of a wise internet click, “with the grace of God you will find the right person.” Everyone needs faith; Trust in God and pray about your needs.

  55. Ramona-652361 October 7, 2011 Reply

    Great post. ‎”Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”

  56. Monica-170264 October 9, 2011 Reply

    I would have to agree with everything here, but some people don’t proceed with the marketing viewpoint because of other issues. I could list some here however, using phone swype and then trying to read the words in this mini box would not be good. All in all, CM should be considered a God send for those who are open to find someone equally yoked near or far come what may. I guess it a matter of getting out of ones comfort zone, being willing to sit in a different seat and take in the view from a different angle. God Bless CM, and those who find there match here and peace to those who are still looking : )

  57. Gifford-769778 October 18, 2011 Reply

    If they ar’nt members I think this should be announced on their pic. Are we supposed to get excited about a pic and curse because she won’t respond not even knowing she isn’t a member? Gifford

    • Paul-709408 November 21, 2011 Reply

      I agree that it would be really nice as a member to see whether or not someone else is a member capable of responding. I recognize that this is likely not so as it would discourage people from sending messages to nonmembers, but hey, at least the nonmember would know if someone is legitimately interested!

  58. Joan-674696 November 2, 2011 Reply

    I agree with several points you made and see several factors that have affected me. The article has helped me to become more confortable with the idea behind this type of dating. Thank you sincerely for the “positive” boost.

  59. William-527364 November 5, 2011 Reply

    I am a clinical and medical psychologist. I am very polite on line but i have received only two meetings in a year. I guess i am not interesting. However, I find CM full of crazy people or at least the few i have corresponded with in my long time here. One gets put off quickly when the only activity on the account are people sicker than the patients you happen to treat. I should charge CM for my on line work. I also own a farm that is part of my work. I am the director of a non-profeit veterans treatment program. However i dont say or talk about my profession because the people want treatment or darn sure need it. CM has been one of the least rewarding experiences since being injured in Vietnam. What a waste of my time. Its been miserable

    • Mayra-552882 December 4, 2011 Reply

      Hi William! I may I agree that sometime I can feel a little frustrated when the results of using catholic match are not the ones that one expect. But I will free of recomend you two things:

      1. Read the other blog too that the name is ” You are single, get over it” or something like that.
      2. Try different instruductionin your profile onces in a while… try an introduction that talk of what you like to do, or what you enjoy… I hink it could be more garbber of atention…

      At first I read your post and I thought that you where joking… but when I saw the lasr sentences…. I feel the need to give you a little feedback.

      Well, I hope that you have a improvement in your Catholic match experience. Good luck!

    • Christine-859622 May 22, 2012 Reply

      HI William, I’m sorry your experience with CM has been ‘miserable’. I hope you have been better lately. I’d like to message you, but I’m not a paying member, at least, not yet. I think by your profile you are certainly interesting, as are many other profiles I’ve read. I’ve only been viewing this site for a couple days. …. God bless everyone’s searches. The least we all can do for each other is say a prayer for guidance.

  60. Suzi-785410 November 20, 2011 Reply

    I will be 30years old next year and i have taken a step to finding the one for me,its harder than i thought.
    I didnt think i would check my email and find zero messages.
    Iam not desperate but am ready.

  61. Mayra-552882 December 4, 2011 Reply

    Very nice written blog. Thanks for writting about it!

  62. Luiza-799027 December 9, 2011 Reply

    I hope my christmass is complete and happy.t

  63. Luiza-799027 December 9, 2011 Reply

    785410 life are too short enjoy it as
    You can.

  64. Sofia-574322 December 18, 2011 Reply

    As other people have said, there are some of us who have been hit by unemployment. In my case, besides having been unemployed for 7.5 out of 12 months this year, I find that there are very few men near me in Catholic Match. I don’t blame men for looking for someone near them: that’s logical. But I find it hard to justify to myself the investment of paying for CM membership when my budget is low and my chances here are very slim… As another member said: let’s be honest and admit this is mostly a USA Catholics site…

  65. Anne-702606 December 26, 2011 Reply

    My name is Anne and i am from Kenya (East Africa). I am very much interested in paying my membership, but unfortunately your mode of payment through Visa Card, American Express, Paypal, Master card and Discover etc is not applicable to me. I am still trying to find out with other banks here in kenya whether they have such facilities, but i just want to let you know that it is very very frustrating when i can not read or reply to my viewer or matches. I am not giving up i am praying and i know God will guide me on how to make the payment of the services year 2012

  66. Vanessa-749247 December 28, 2011 Reply

    some of us are only using the free version of the dating site and cannot respond back. The only form of communication we can do is through stuff like this.

  67. Ana-805444 December 28, 2011 Reply

    I love this article…most of the points are spot on….i do have an issue with the age issue in #4….i was in a relationship with a guy 14 years older than me and we were together for over 4 years….its a good thing we saw eventually that it was not to be before we got married…but i have found a great dear friend from it all, and i know several happy married couples where the person is much older. it comes down to maturity and chemistry…sometimes it works, sometimes it does not….its good to be realistic, but…i feel age should not be a deciding factor. but that’s just me. Everything else is spot on…

  68. Elle-812598 February 8, 2012 Reply

    Very good article, Brian, and thanks for writing this as a reminder to us all about how to better our chances for genuine connection with others online here. This is my second go-around on CM, and I’m doing things a bit differently this time, having learned some lessons. I absolutely agree with keeping CM as a paid-member site as you’ve pointed out because, quite frankly, I want to connect with those who are serious about their Catholic faith, as well as finding the love of their life. And hopefully, I’ll meet mine along the way! God Bless us all here on our journey.

  69. Natalia-815791 February 11, 2012 Reply

    Pay members or not pay members, tricky question?, I think the web site staff can include a real date since the member don´t use the page (in the last month, is not a good parameter), and if this person can´t take messages or another kind of stuff.
    I believe when people look some one and send a emoticon or message is polite send a smile or” thanks but no”, no just close the communication, maybe the Christian values include don´t be rude, and try not hurt people feelings, (“love your neighbor as your self”????), do you like feel you don´t are good enough for some one? , of course, you can´t be loved for everybody, but common¡¡¡. if you don´t want to talk with somebody I think is better tell him (her) no thanks, and this person don´t loss the time waiting for a reply.
    Pay for use an account doesn´t make a better person, or a better Catholic, and I see people how said “I love my faith, and is important to me, and I´m a good person, I go every sunday to Mass” treat me like a jerk, isn´t christian or nice…

  70. Cajetan-763098 February 16, 2012 Reply

    It is really frustrating.I have anger all over me with respect to this catholicmatch for now.You see many women saying they want to marry.putting their dreams to pen about what they want,some matches your dream woman,but they are all fake to say the least.What do they want?Especially all the women in America are here but yet hardly honestly want to hook a man.I guess this site need review with some truthfulness.Do not get on here if you are not serious.One ca not be testy in the abundant of water.It is abomination!

  71. Chris-802238 February 17, 2012 Reply

    Very good & insightful article. Thanks. Confirmed some thnigs I thought, including my own approach.

  72. Dorothy-570656 February 19, 2012 Reply

    Thanks! This helps a lot as it can be discouraging when there is no response to being friendly. It is not like they immediately have to be serious about someone. I believe it would be a much better world when good people are friendly. I use to think if someone didn’t respond it would most likely be because they were really not serious about finding someone and did not want to make the effort to get to know someone unless they are their dream catch. This article is very informative and makes sense. Thank you.

  73. Jose-616700 March 1, 2012 Reply

    You start out by sending long messages to those you are interested in and come in with excitement, then, that long message you took time and effort to write gets ignored. You say ok, I just sent out a message to the wrong people so you do it again, wait, no response. So then its like forget it, I’m just sending emotigrams and will wait till my subscription runs out and renewing? Uh no!

  74. Angela S. March 23, 2012 Reply

    ehmmm…sometime…I feel afraid to know someone online, hehehe

  75. Eileen-827907 March 25, 2012 Reply

    Just curious. Why can’t a person delete/cancel their msg if they are no longer interested in a reply? I do feel mislead on how this site operates. At first, thinking service was free, to find out, that it is operating totally one-sided, with the constant push to subscribe if you actually want to participate in any way, meaningful.
    If you try to reach out, and, communicate with someone, and, that person does not bother to reply, then he/she, are too rude to waste my time on.

  76. Marita-847688 May 26, 2012 Reply

    Emoticons, I think, are helpful because nonpaying members are allowed to use them but are not allowed to send messages. It lets the other person know they are interested and it might make the person sending the emoticon feel the site is a worthwhile investment if they get a response.

  77. Corry-862812 May 30, 2012 Reply

    I got a few problems with on line dating in general. First my problem with the hole etiquette thing. “et·i·quette/ˈetikit/
    Noun:
    The customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group”. Etiquette is etiquette no matter what your doing or where you are. Rather it be on line, off line. Just because you don’t have to see the real world impact with your own eyes does not diminish the repercussions of your actions.
    Second is the age thing if you would give some regardless of sex(male/female) a chance in the real world why not online or vise verse that. Third is most on line daters need to get there heads out of the clouds about finding the right person. You will never find the the one if all you do is look at stats and figures. Dating is like fishing. you throw your line out if some thing bites you don’t drop your fishing pole in the water just because you don’t like the way it bites do you. You at least try to real it in to inspect it. I just see to much pickyness in the online dating world. I.e. education level. It’s not like only high school grads date or marry only other high school grads or people with doctorates date and marry only others with the same. Datings about finding the one person who you want to be in your life. It’s not a job interview. I’m glad my parents and my grand parents were not so picky cause if they were chances are i would not be alive at all cause the would have never got together. Yes you do need compatibility or chemistry but in the online dating world most shot down a person before the ever give them a real chance to get to know some one at all. Last is the new attitude that man and women have changed in to a ideal person of the opposite sex then the where hundreds heck even thousand of years ago. Sorry we are still the same humans we have been in the past. Guys will be guys and girls will be girls. there are some things that guys will for ever want out of girls and there will for every be things girls want out of guys that just are not going to be the norm. I.e. Most guys are going to view the world through male eyes and emotions(or lack of emotions) and most girls are going to do the same just through girls eyes and emotions(or to much emotion). It’s like we log on and treat the world as if it should be just the way we want it or nothing at all. dating in hole has changed but we are at a point in the change where we as people seem lost and confused as to what to do or expect. The only things that have really changed over time is the technology and human rights. Other then that humans are for the most part still the same.

  78. Carlos-876737 July 11, 2012 Reply

    Very depressing, but that’s the awful truth. So getting old for a man is also a turnoff for women? So I was right all the time. My female friends keep telling me they don’t care if the man is much older. Figures. Your enemy can be your best friend after all.

  79. Carolyn-883454 September 18, 2012 Reply

    Dating for the first time after 30 years is downright scary! All the rules have changed and I apparently haven’t kept up with the times. Yes, I’m in my early sixties, but don’t feel that way inside. In my heart I’m still a kid, but who would figure?

  80. Dave-146273 September 21, 2012 Reply

    Relevant today as it was a year and half ago,, especially topic # 3 & 5. In Re. to Emoticons, to be courteous and reply doesn’t cost a thing, and i think in this area we could all use a refresher. I use Emoticons to show interest but also tend to say a few words relative to their profile. One pet peeve of mine and addressed here (and the majority of websites out there seem to be guilty of), is keeping outdated and inactive profiles online to suggest there are active members than there really are. In the old days i believe this was called being deceptive, not sure what it’s called now days. I think the important thing to find out here is why are paying members not renewing? Is our perseverance in finding a Catholic partner that fickle that we would limit ourselves to only a 6m or 1y membership. I myself am disappointed to see how many Women cancel their membership after only as short period of time.

  81. Bruno-873916 October 13, 2012 Reply

    I see that this is an old topic of discussion but always current to what it applies on CM. I just joined in July of 2012 (paid subscriber). I tried to make it a point to send a “thank you for viewing my profile” message as a general courtesy and if I was interested or not. Was I 100% successful in answering every “viewed my profile”, probably not, but I sure sent a lot out and did get a few replies back as a courtesy as well. I always ended the message with a note of encouragement in their search and did say a reply was not demanded. Left it up to them and did not push it any further. I do wish that there was a way to limit replies from profile viewers to the area of coverage you are interested in (within your immediate area, state(s) or country if that is your preference) as an option. Also, I found the chat session with a member not very user friendly or quick response as other general chat sessions can be. Other than that, may all be strong in their Catholic Faith and don’t give up hope.

  82. Clare-507082 November 29, 2012 Reply

    I was a paid up member for more than a year but had no luck at all.It is discouraging.
    I never realised that most of the members are based in the USA. Is there a UK version of Catholic Match?

  83. Vincent-767706 December 10, 2012 Reply

    If someone sent me a message, especially a mere emotigram which is one step above a Facebook poke, and I am not interested, I don’t respond. What would I respond with except telling them why I find them unattractive? There’s no way to respond without being insulting or condescending. I tried to respond once in a way I thought wasn’t offensive, but the girl had a miffed reaction. My friends said I never have to respond or give an explanation unless I have actually been in contact with someone already.

    Viewing profiles means nothing so it absolutely does not need a response.

    People need to not take it personally when ignored. Just because you are on this site does not mean you are entitled to force people to interact with you. Everyone has standards, perhaps to high at times, and most of us who have been rejected have also rejected someone else.

  84. Claudia-930193 December 30, 2012 Reply

    Hi,

    Does anyone knows the telephone number for catholic match.? I need to contact them, because I completed my profile many times but I still get this message.

    Please Finish Your Profile

    One or more parts of your profile are not complete. These may be questions that were not required when you first filled out your profile, or your profile may be incomplete due to recovering a deleted account.

    I think the site has a technical issue.

    Claudia

  85. Maria-846262 January 25, 2013 Reply

    I think there is no point in signing up to use Catholic Match and not becoming a paid member. I have invested too much time sending Emoticons and writing a few notes to men in my age group and I may be interested in knowing more about, because they seem nice and and honest about meeting someone their own age. The vast majority of people I written to have not responded and I am very disappointed and thinking about not renewing my membership with CM. The very few “success stories” that CM tells us about seem to be certainly the exception rather than the rule and all those eager people to meet someone else don;t seem to be so eager after all, when it comes to responding to notes that are sent to them. So, what’s the point?

  86. Josh-196444 February 20, 2013 Reply

    I would say the success rate here is about 5-15 percent over a complete database. Yes, there are success stories, but those are the rarity. I am starting to see this site as a Lotto ticket. The forums are nice, but be careful what you post, and always, always, always have good grammar!

  87. Courtney-885262 March 12, 2013 Reply

    Number 4. You said it well. A delicate subject, but one that needed to be called out. Great post!

  88. Vincent-767706 March 17, 2013 Reply

    I think there is someone for everyone, but I do acknowledge that some people have more broad attractive appeal than others and thus will have more responses and more dates on the way to marriage, but we can each only marry just one person.

  89. Amelia-947424 April 10, 2013 Reply

    I liked it ! Sometimes it flows and others no. Maybe people had other expectations. I think there are many people lonely and afraid about meet a new person I regards !

  90. Michele M. May 23, 2013 Reply

    I have an issue with not being able to respond unless you are a subscriber. I’m on a fixed income and the dollar amount requested to subscribe is about one week’s worth of food for me. I am very interested in finding someone; I just have to choose between subscribing and eating. Isn’t there an option for those in my position?

  91. Bernard-568827 June 11, 2013 Reply

    I think all this kind of leaves me feeling really discouraged…And grateful to be loved unconditionally by God and our Lady.

  92. Bernard-568827 June 11, 2013 Reply

    For what it’s worth (to continue on from earlier), I would mention that my own parents were 15 years apart. My father was a good man, and not a “creeper.” (And if you would like to insist that he was, then I am sorry for you.) I have a close friend, whose name I would certainly never disclose here–so that he might not be sought out and crucified–who is happily married to someone who is a number of years his junior. They have many beautiful children now, and are active members of their church. They are a healthy family; they are a happy family. He is a good, Catholic man; he has served his country in the military, as have I. I don’t think his wife considers him a “creeper;” she never did, even before they were married.

    Now, it seems that by some principles advocated here, this should not be possible. In fact, in history, in no circumstance, should such a thing ever have been possible; or could such a thing ever be possible from now, until the end of the world. And yet, for some reason, I have observed it. And, for some reason, rather than being condemned by his pastor, his priest, instead, this union was blessed.

  93. Carlos-977696 June 22, 2013 Reply

    Point number 4 seems to me rather shallow and elitist. What parameters is the author refering too? If poor guy writes to rich girl, then is that too bold? If ugly woman writes to handsome guy, then is she out of his leauge? Come on, we as God’s children are called to go beyond that. We are not 15 anymore. I don’t care if the woman only has one eye, or if she has no car. I’m not looking for Nicole Kidman here(although it wouldn’t hurt either lol). What is most important for me is to find someone who takes relationshipy and commitment with utmost seriousness, who really takes an interest in me as a person and what I have to say or do. Common interests and faith can move mountains.

  94. Carlos-977696 June 22, 2013 Reply

    I agree with Bernard. My father is nine years older than my mom, and after more than 30 years they’re still married! I think we as a society have become way too picky and shallow! Sorry for being so direct, but it pains me to see so many singles, many of whom are over 40. This is like a plague, bc more and more people want to have it easy. When I see my German grandparents, how they suffered during the war. My oma waited for him to return from POW camp, like Penelope did with Odyseuss. My Costa Rican grandma took care of my grandpa while he had cancer. She would pass several days without sleep or something to eat. just busy taking are of him, praying hard. That kind of love and commitment I haven”t seen in this generation. No wonder there are too many singles.

  95. Xavier-985270 July 16, 2013 Reply

    Would it not be a good idea to introduce a feature that allows people to see whether or not a message has been read? If you know that the message has been read and if there is no answer within a day or two, then you can conclude that the person is not interested. If you can’t see whether or not the message has been read, you’re left wondering if there is another reason for no answer (the person can’t read messages, is not around at the moment etc.).

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