6 Dos & 7 Don’ts For Getting Over An Ex Before Feb. 14


Heal your broken heart before Valentine's Day

For singles without a partner, there are few days in the year more annoying than Valentine’s Day. Amidst all the Super bowl propaganda, heart-shaped merchandise abounds, from boutique shops to the check-out area of Walgreens. For singles, feelings of frustration, anger and envy are not uncommon.

If you have suffered a recent break-up, things can seem even worse. Memories of your past relationship often trigger many thoughts, bringing about sadness and a sense of loss.

So what’s a Catholic single to do?

It would be presumptuous of me to offer a blanketed, standard advice to all. Each person – and their circumstances – is too complex. That said, I can offer some suggestions, framed as dos and don’ts.

 

DOs

1.   Allow yourself some time to feel sad; it’s a normal reaction. Give yourself a set period of time (crying if needed) and attempt to move on in your day.

2. Remember that while the day is triggering a lot of memories, it’s only one day. Focus on preparing yourself now for a future relationship. Get out of the past!

3.   Examine the past relationship fairly without overly blaming yourself or the other. If there was something you’ve done that would inhibit future relationships, commit to correcting your faults.

4.   Journal. Getting your thoughts out of your head and onto paper can be quite therapeutic; just keep this time-limited as well. If thoughts of your ex are overwhelming, write him/her a letter expressing your feelings. (Just don’t send it!)

5.   Spiritually reconnect. Our Lord is always waiting for us to bring our troubles to him. If you feel especially alone, weak or unloved, let His love fill your heart. As hard as it is, this is also opportunity to truly place your trust in God.

6.   Find someone in your life you love and take the time to demonstrate that to them today.

 

 

DON’Ts

1.   Feel sorry for yourself. Self pity will steer you down the wrong path and contribute to depressive feelings.

2.   Resort to old habits. Sadness and emptiness can often lead to self-soothing behaviors, many of which can be destructive. If you soothe yourself, be sure it is in a healthy manner that adds to your growth.

3.   Call that ex. You may be tempted to contact an old partner you know will respond. Refrain from doing so, remembering it is selfish and quite unfair to them.

4.   Hibernate. While you may want to be left completely alone, this is rarely helpful. (If you do isolate, promise yourself you will not allow it to carry over into the next day.)

5.   Beat yourself up. Resist dwelling on your own misgivings. As mentioned, relationships end for a number of reasons; not because of something you did.

6.   Blame God. This is more common than one may think, ranging from being angry at God for your singleness to frustration with Him for allowing such “unfairness” in your life.

7.   Give up. Whatever you do, stay hopeful and positive. Yes this can require great patience, but as the saying goes, “good things come for those who wait.”

 






18 Comments

  1. Rochelle-637907 February 7, 2011 Reply

    Interesting..

    • Jon-687294 February 15, 2011 Reply

      Please it isn’t interesting it is lame!!!!

  2. Marcella-455205 February 9, 2011 Reply

    it’s hard to think positive when you are already 37 years old?

    • Marie-575233 February 12, 2011 Reply

      You are not so old.People are having relationships and getting married at all ages.You must be positive to attract the right person.Be patient and have faith.

    • Jon-687294 February 15, 2011 Reply

      Amen sister… Lets keep it real!!!!

  3. Coleen-606059 February 9, 2011 Reply

    I’m so glad I read this-sometimes you think you are the only one that feels these feelings.

    • James-194907 February 13, 2011 Reply

      Silence is hard when the house is empty. But heart does not have to be.
      Silence can be broken by the Embrace.
      The Embrace can come from Christ, if we seek Him.
      The we try to become Vessels of His Love.
      And Love will overwhelm us and attract someone who has walked that narrow path.

      Happy Valentines to all.

    • Jon-687294 February 15, 2011 Reply

      Pie in the sky… Let’s keep it real folks…

  4. Cindy-687091 February 11, 2011 Reply

    Great advise-I just recently went thru a broken engagement where Valentine’s Day was something we both loved-I still don’t realy understand what happened and I’m sure God is handling so I hope on Valentine;s Day he gives me some insight on which direction he now wishes me to continue on

  5. Marie-575233 February 12, 2011 Reply

    This advice applies to all holidays that invoke these feelings.

  6. Mariela-375967 February 13, 2011 Reply

    True friends and family are always good means to get over an ex, or someone you were just dating. Much better than staying alone at home.

  7. Katherine-137883 February 14, 2011 Reply

    Do some service work to show your love for God. One great example is to attend a vigil for the unborn at local planned parenthood clinics being held this year at 12:00-1:00 PM. I plan also to visit the jail tomorrow night. I NEVER leave the jail feeling sorry for myself. (cause I walk out of there when I want to obviously)- That is a sure fix for the blues.

  8. Jonathan-394836 February 15, 2011 Reply

    Good advice, but easier said than done…especially when you’re living alone or with a roommate you have little in common with, and far away from family.

    I’ve met two people on this site who I totally fell in love with. Both crushed me. I have no faith in this site anymore. I used to think it would be easier to meet a good Christian person on here, but deep down, people from this site are just as deceiving and hurtful and cold as any other niche of society, they just have a different method of showing it.

    I wrote and talked and eventually skyped with someone on here for 10 months while in Afghanistan! Came back and met her and we almost immediately fell in love (so i thought). The physical and personal chemistry was there, the values, the shared faith, the hopes and dreams. One mistake: long distance. Don’t believe that if it’s right, it will work out. That’s a lie. It is too hard. Fallen mankind is too corrupt through and through. Unfortunately, probably a large percentage of relationships on here are long distance.

    We dated for another 7 months. I spent thousands and thousands of dollars visiting her and buying gifts for her and her family. Then when she switched to a new college, she dropped me in under 3 months. There was no warning. There was not even a talk. Sent me an email that said she didn’t want to argue or discuss it, it was over.

    That’s the kind of dating this site breeds: Heartless people that tear people’s intestines out over email and think they never did anything wrong!

    I abhor catholicmatch, long distance relationships, and all dating sites…yet here i am…mostly b/c i have so little hope anymore and there is nothing else………

    • Kristen-626736 February 16, 2011 Reply

      Jonathan –

      Your note is raw with pain, and though it may sound trite, hang tight. There IS a reason for this. I’ve had a similar experience that left a bad taste in my mouth about long distance and completely falling in love and then bring crushed, and I STILL don’t know why it all happened. But, after a lot of time, a lot of prayer, a lot of surrender and a lot of finding my OWN calling in life, it got better. :: hug :: Keep your faith, my friend – it was the only thing I could cling to, and the only reason I didn’t go over the edge.

  9. Jon-687294 February 15, 2011 Reply

    This is simplistic and quite irritating. For a person who just got out of a relationship. Please get real!!!

  10. Mike-645570 February 15, 2011 Reply

    I have been separated for almost a year and recently I’ve enjoyed being single. Yes I would like to find that special someone but enjoying the things I do when ever I wish has been full filling. I’ll let God find that special some one for me.

  11. Louis-648894 February 15, 2011 Reply

    I am over my ex already and it was only last August. We met in person and it was never right. I’ve been writing to a nice woman on this site for a month. I’m already optimistic about the future and don’t find myself to be lonely at all. The advice offereed was good, but I won’t need it

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