Have you ever dated someone who didn’t know they were dating you?
I’ve been victim to more than one single-sided relationship. To me, we were dating, exploring our mutual affection for each other and letting things unfold into something more. To him, we were two people who happened to hang out…a lot. After a few months of less-than-romantic get-togethers, sporadic e-mails and evasive phone conversations, I finally pulled the plug and decided to move on.
Ladies, chances are you’ve been in a similar situation before. Did you never meet your significant other’s friends or family? Were you just a “friend” when he introduced you to his roommate or did you even see his apartment at all? Did he fail to return your phone calls or duck every time you mentioned an event that was a few weeks away?
We know that many significant others decide to disappear rather than formally part ways, but some significant others, male or female, fade away in the midst of what we think is an ongoing relationship.
I now look back on my own experiences and marvel at the blatant signs I missed. It’s easy to make excuses for a new interest as routines and expectations are still in their infant stages, but at some point, all couples have to experience the awkward, yet necessary “what are we” conversation.
If you don’t, like I did more than once, you end up in a pseudo relationship, one with no present or future. Maybe he’s not looking for a serious relationship or perhaps he has issues with commitment, but if you consistently display more interest in a possible future, beware – you may be the only one in the relationship.
eHarmony recently posted a list of warning signs that indicate you may be involved in a pseudo relationship. Here are some noteworthy indicators:
- You’ve never met his friends or family
- You’re not his date to major events
- He never calls on the weekend
- You’re restricted to the non-prime time date nights
- Future talk makes him squirm.
We all know that adult relationships are messy. Labels can be confusing and no one likes to ask the question, “So, what are we?”
But trust me, the conversation, no matter how monumental or basic, has to happen. Respect yourself enough to have this talk with your significant other when you’re ready.
If they cannot reciprocate your hopes and desires for a serious, life-giving relationship, spare your heart and move on. He or she may be funny and charming, but if this person isn’t willing to give it their all to explore what could be, then they’re not worth your time.