Dawn-58330: ‘I Want To Have Faith Like A Child’


Dawn is turning 40 this Lent

By Dawn-58330


I turn 40 this Lent. I can’t say I am dreading this birthday or eagerly anticipating it. A part of me is a little heartbroken I am crossing over one of the last vestiges of youth. In my head, I am still a young girl. I don’t feel like I’m 40, but what does 40 feel like?

In Biblical terms, it is a “very long time.” A long time in the desert. A long time of rain and flood. A long time of facing temptation and hunger. A long time of prayer and solitude.

I’m walking through this Lent – as I’ve walked through most of them – alone. While I am surrounded by friends and family, I see the Lenten journey as one that I take myself.

Of course, Jesus is my companion with whom I seek out some heart-to-hearts. His Sacred Heart to my somewhat stony one.

Forty years does a number on a heart. I am recommitting myself to pursuing heart health – physically, emotionally and spiritually. Living alone means being life coach, motivator, punisher and consoler all rolled into one.

I’ve been a CatholicMatch member for seven years, a “very long time.” My stony heart – one that has become a little jaded, cynical, broken, impatient and doubtful – needs to soften and open.

I want to have again faith like a child. I want to believe again whole-heartedly that love and my dreams are within grasp. Putting my piglet heart (as I call it) in the Sacred Heart of Jesus is the best medicine. It doesn’t guarantee that my heart won’t get hurt. In fact, it is a sure path to the pain of the Cross. But it does mean that my heart will beat with Love.

Create in me a clean heart, O Lord.


Reflection question: How can you soften your heart?



Editor’s note

Read other reflections written by CatholicMatch members:






16 Comments

  1. Carolaine-631526 March 24, 2011 Reply

    Oh my gosh!!
    This is beautiful!
    Dawn, you are beautiful inside and out…
    Please know…this may just be the very special year our Lord has wondrous things planned for you…all of the wisdom you will bring to your new love you have and will give to He…
    Blessings…

    • Dawn-58330 March 27, 2011 Reply

      Thank you, Carolaine. I really appreciate your comments. I have no doubt that God has great things planned for me; He’s told me so. I just hope I have the eyes and ears of my heart open and don’t miss it!

  2. Jeanne-648636 March 24, 2011 Reply

    As always, well said and thought provoking, Dawn… thanks for sharing!

  3. Valerie-104200 March 25, 2011 Reply

    Dawn, What a beautiful story from a beautiful heart. Just know how much you are love by your Cm Family. Hugs to you, ‘young lady’! Carl’s words fit you beautifully!

    • Dawn-58330 March 27, 2011 Reply

      Beautiful Valerie, I really appreciate your comments. I do know I have been given a great gift of love from so many from CM. Like everyone else here, I am looking for my spouse who will share love and Christ with me. In the meantime, God has not left me without. I am rich in love!

  4. Michelle-432408 March 26, 2011 Reply

    Beautiful, Dawn!!!

  5. Tanya-63933 March 30, 2011 Reply

    Dawn! I want to thank you so very much for this post. I, too, am turning 40 this year. I, too, have been a member of CatholicMatch for seven years. I, too, am walking another Lenten journey alone – all of them have been alone. I, too, have been fighting against the protective crust that has begun to slowly build itself around my small heart filled with its small longings that continue to go unfulfilled. I will take your words into that same heart and remember that so many of us are walking alone on this journey…together.

    • Dawn-58330 March 31, 2011 Reply

      Ah, Tanya! Thank you for your compliments, but mostly thank you for your companionship on the journey. Hang in there. These are tough times; the evil one is on the prowl. It’s easy to get discouraged and to cave into temptation. But let’s not lose heart! With Christ, we can do it! And He is always with us.

  6. Ray-566531 March 31, 2011 Reply

    Dawn — Your Lenten reflection seems to be showing you in a different light. It seems that you have had a heavy heart, feeling alone, and going through life’s experiences on your own. We see the other side of you — what I believe is the dominant side — light hearted, warm, with perhaps a little mischievous and fun side. You are not alone. As you said, Jesus walks with you. Also, you have so many friends and admirers in your CM family. I realize you are seeking the warmth and companionship from having someone in your life. Keep believing, and be open to those opportunities that may present you with what you are seeking. After reading your essay, we come to realize what you are offering up to the Lord, and not just during Lent.
    Blessings to you…..

    • Dawn-58330 April 2, 2011 Reply

      :wave: Hi Ray. I think you are right in that you get to see my dominant side very much. Lest you read “depression” in my article, let me assure you that I am quite optimistic. I do have a very reflective and deep bone in my writing mind, so sometimes I get a little more serious than you’ve perhaps seen me be. But I am very happy and anticipating good things from the Lord.

      Thank you for your kind comments, encouragement and CM friendship. This is such a wonderful place to be while we all look for more love from above here on earth. :)

  7. Leon-593843 April 5, 2011 Reply

    Dawn,

    Your story was beautifully written and shows another side of your personality. I know it is difficult turning 40 and still looking for the love of your life. Realistically it may come, maybe not. I know you are an optimist so I think the fomer statement in the previous sentence is the true one. No matter the outcome, you will always have a bridegroom in Our Lord Jesus Christ. Could there be anyone better?

    I pray God grants your every wish.

    God bless,

    Leon

    • Dawn-58330 April 16, 2011 Reply

      Dear Leon,

      Thank you kindly for your comments. You are right, I am ever the optimist. I do know that God has great things planned for me, so I need not worry. Age, like time, are so different in the eyes of god. Being 40 does not really bother me, not anymore than any other age. We aren’t promised any certain number of years, so we must celebrate the ones we have.

      It is always nice to exchange thoughts with you, Sir. Happy Holy Week to you, and all!

      God’s peace and Love,
      Dawn

  8. Reg-509083 April 7, 2011 Reply

    wow, great article. it touch me heart too made of stone….
    A pure heart create for me oh Lord.

    • Dawn-58330 April 16, 2011 Reply

      Thank you, Reg. I keep praying the prayer over and over. Make my heart ever new, Lord!

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