CatholicMatch Members Discuss Loneliness Of Single Life


Single life can be lonely, CatholicMatch members acknowledge

CatholicMatch is a wellspring for discussion on the trials and rewards of single life.

The greatest challenge? Members have no shortage of answers, ranging from physical to spiritual longings. One of the most common sentiments is loneliness.

“The hardest part of being single is to walk the path of life alone,” Michaela-426347 said.

“Nobody to share your life with,” Tom-432657 said.

“Not having that physical person there for you with a hug when the going gets tough,” added Mary-487190.

Theresa-573393, who is 49, shared a heartbreaking account of taking a cab home after surgery. The element of single life that cuts the deepest, she said, is the nagging sense of “feeling unloved.”

“The question that lurks,” she wrote, “is, ‘What is it about me? Why has no one loved me enough to sustain a relationship beyond dating? Am I going to be alone forever?’ I am mourning the loss of the children I will never have. It breaks my heart that I will never be able to share the joy of motherhood when I am so wonderful with children.”

“I know exactly how that feels,” Lindsey-297821 responded. “I question myself every day. I even question others to see if there is anything wrong with me that no one wants to be with me. I mean no one!”

CatholicMatch members confess that sometimes they second guess themselves. “The hardest thing about being single is hoping you measure up,” wrote Josh-196444. “Do you have what it takes in terms of education, status, likes, interests, etc. that would potentially bring you closer to a partner?”

Sarah-671048 also battles uncertainty. “The hardest part about being single for me would be that I don’t know what the future looks like and the hope that one day I’ll be married is forever playing on my mind,” she said.

The hardest part for Adrian-504270? “Remaining loyal and steadfast to God’s will.”

John-496162 struggled with “the waiting,” while Jacqueline-198 begrudges the “insensitive remarks.” Brian-252799 cited another nuisance: “I have to cook for myself.”

 

The upside

And yet, some CatholicMatch members say they enjoy their status.

“I really like being single,” Paul-663898 wrote. “I have lots of time to pursue hobbies, do community work, relax, work out, meditate, and pay off debt. Would I like a girlfriend? Sure. But I don’t feel my life is less just because I don’t have someone to hug at the end of the day. Alone? We are never truly alone. How can we expect to be happy with someone if we can’t be happy by ourselves?”

Colette-443908 has a quick answer to the upside of being unmarried: “Independence!”

And Deborah-365731 offered practical examples of that autonomy: “I like that when I put something down, it is still there when I come back for it. If I decide to get up early and go for a run at 8 a.m., there’s nobody to complain that I woke them up – or that something I want to do is in conflict with something they want to do. If my job transfers me, I can relocate fairly easily – same with taking spur-of-the-moment trips. If I want to curb my diet, there isn’t a house full of other people to complain that there aren’t any goodies in the house.”

“No honey-do tasks,” Leon-593843 added. “At night, read as long as I wish with the light on above the bed.”

Alexandra-706283 sees advantages too. “Being single gives me the time and space to prepare myself for married life,” she said. “Every day is another step closer to God, another day of preparation for my ultimate vocation as a married spouse and another day to cleanse my soul and brighten my spirit.”

 

How do you feel about your single status? And, like it or not, what are you doing today to brighten your spirit?






61 Comments

  1. I think being single is a true blessing from God. Of course it has it’s ups and downs, but the ups greatly outweigh the downs. If you think about it most people are only “single” for a short amount of time in their life and then they move into their vocation. Being single as a young adult is a great time to prepare yourself for whatever vocation God has planned for you.You also get more time with the Lord, with your family, with your friends, and it gives you a chance to do community service. Before you know it God moves you into the next stage of your life and the wait is over. Besides, I hear married people say all the time “I miss my days of being able to do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted”….

    • Speak for yourself, single life is not what’s cracked up to be. I am done being single. I have done my vocations and now it time to be a couple and do things as a couple for the Grace and Good of Our Lord. And to have fun, fun, fun as a couple. : )

  2. I like being single, rather be single then with someone who makes me miserable

  3. Pray for marriage if that’s what you want. I took time out to be single after being in relationships for more than 10 years. Now at 45, I have challenges getting dates because guys think there’s something wrong with me because I haven’t dated for the past 8 years. I chose to remain single as I worked on my relationship with myself and the Lord. Owning a business and working it full time left me little time for dating and a balanced life. Now that I no longer own a business and have time for a relationship, men still question the previous single period in my life. Suffice to say, pray for the opportunity to date quality, Godly men so you may have a full, balanced life.

    • That is tough, owning a business is a very time consuming thing. Some guys can be intimidated by a woman that is independent enough to do that. And a woman that is able to take 8 years from dating after dating for 10 years shows real maturity. It’s not that there is something wrong with you, and most guys won’t see it that way. What some will see is are they able to keep up, or will they be a burden to your life style. I’m sure that in the 8 years you weren’t dating, you weren’t idle. I’m sure you were figuring out what exactly you wanted in someone, so that you would get exactly the kind of guy you want. Sometimes a guy might feel that he isn’t good enough, even if you think he is. Best not to assume that a guy thinks that there is something wrong with you if you are not dating at 45, sometimes it’s the guy thinking something completely different.

  4. hola eres una mujer ermosa no dejes que una persona destrulla y apague tu luz estas muy joven lebanta tu cara y lebantate y no buelvas amirar atras mira siempre para enfrente que dios te bendiga christina

  5. I can understand those who say that they are happy being single, I am too but I have so much to give into a relationship, so much to give to the man who I will love and nothing is lost when you are with the right person because each of us will respect each other’s independence, space, time and sensitivities. If spiritual and emotional maturity is present in both persons there is balance. This is the main reason why I will only date, have a relationship with, and marry. Being married does not hinder spiritual, personal, or community activity participation, it just makes it even more fruitful and productive because you work together for the same purpose….for the greater Glory of God!!!

  6. Wow, I can’t believe people feel this way. I don’t think I’ve ever read a more ‘feel-sorry-for-myself’ type of article on CM. Are people getting married to avoid self induced loneliness or because they have actually met someone special? Sounds like its the former if you ask me. No wonder divorce is 50%. Loneliness is a perception not a truth. Some of the most lonely people I know are married.

    • It’s not that people get married out of loneliness. Most of the time it’s a false sense of love. It’s more of infatuation. They think they are in love, think they are ready for marriage, get married, realize they were not ready for it due to maturity, emotions, or lack of respect, and then they divorce and try again. Sure it may look like loneliness from this perspective, but it isn’t the major reason.

  7. If you are lonely as a single person, chances are you will be lonely in your marriage. Perception is the name of the game. How one perceives things is where your state of mind will be. I love God and I love myself, for God dwells within me. Looking forward to being married and be doubly blessed on all levels.

  8. I definitely can relate to most people, what is also the hardest for me is not just being single but also divorced, which has been a little more than a year now. Also since I wasn’t Catholic when I was married or when I got divorced it seems to be a negative mark against me. Even though I was recently converted from Methodist to Catholic and was also over the Easter Vigil confirmed and received my first Eucharist. There seems to be a misconception that nobody could ever be given a second chance. I was just wondering if that’s the case then why did God do what He did with his son Jesus. Even my ex has said that I’m a good person that even though our marriage didn’t work doesn’t mean that either one of us does not deserve the right to be happy. I’m glad there is a site as good as this site is, it gives me hope that God will help me find happiness again.

  9. I am a person that likes to share my thoughts, feelings and prayers. Yes I can do this alone, but even God said it is not good for man to be alone. Yes, I would rather be alone than to be with someone that is not dedicated to the values of the Catholic Church but it is very difficult because I believe men like this are very few and far between. To elevate my mood I do a variety of things from exercise to bible study faith share groups. I do go to dances and other activities alone but at least I am around others. I believe it is very important to be as active as possible for our stage in life and to be with others. I also visit the persons that cannot get out due to illness or age. There are always others more lonely than I so by making myself aware of the circumstances others have to live with I feel blessed with the life I have. That never changes the fact that I would love to have that one person that shares his life with me as I share mine with him. For whatever reason God has not provided this for me at this time. I will continue to hope and pray for this to happen but will live as complete a life as is possible one day at a time. When I have done all these things and am overwhelmed with the feelings of lonliness I offer the up for the salvation of myself my family and all others.

  10. Though I sometimes feel intensely lonely I would rather be alone than to be with a person that is not dedicated to the values of the Catholic Church. To keep my spirits lifted I exercise, participate in bible studies and faith share groups, go to dances and other activities in groups, visit those not able to get out who are not only alone but not able to get out. When I have done all these things and still feel alone I offer the pain up for the salvation of myself, my family and others. This never changes the fact that I would love to find that one person that would share his life with me as I share my life with him. I will never lose hope and I will continue to pray for all my needs,

    • Bonnie thanks for stating it for me:-) My Lord and the Queen of all warm my soul and this love is extended with compassion and understanding to others in greater need.

  11. That Paul-663898 has a good head on his shoulders. We are alone, but not lonely, that’s the key. We have more time to do what we want, when we want. It would be nice to share it with others. I know that at some point I want to have someone to share life’s little joys with, but for now I do them on my own and I use that spare time to get closer to God. I know that sounds like a corny Sunday school thing to say, but just think, if we got closer to God, would we truly feel lonely?

    I don’t mind being single, I in fact enjoy it at times. I think back to when I was without faith and think how lonely life got, even when I had another person. Now I’m single and I feel less alone then I did when I was in a relationship that wasn’t centered on God. I can do more bible studies, stay up late reading/studying, I can practice my guitar or piano if I want, I can play games, stay out late, stay in all night, basically do what I feel like, when I want to, and I can focus on doing it all to be the best me that I can, without worrying if someone else is bored when they are spending time with me as I do these things.

  12. Gosh, I have to agree with Paul 663898! I really don’t wish to be harsh, but stop whining, people! We have the joy and hope of being children of God. We have the duty, yes Christian duty, to be content with whatever situations The Father deems us to be in. He knows what’s best for us, even if it may not be what we want. So, we must stop behaving like petulant children and accept and make the most of our lives as they are RIGHT NOW. As the Prayer states, “Thy will be done.” We are sinful if we cannot see the beauty that God has provided, if we cannot follow the path on which He leads us, and we cannot accept our lives as His chosen perfection for us currently.

    • Not everyone’s life is flowers, butterflies and rainbows all the time. People experience various feelings/experiences along their life’s journey and God recognizes this and is patient with them. He carries them through those feelings/experiences along their journey in His loving arms until they turn to Him themselves. The writer started a thread that people decided to partake in for the sake of this blog. Just because they answered a question in the moment it does not represent them as being “whiners”. Some answered the question as simply as possible (me included) and we cannot presume they do not feel God’s presence just because they didn’t state it.
      Peace and Blessings to All.

      • “Whiners” are really the good people being HONEST. Those “loving the single life” people are just not willing to admit thier emptiness. Trying to cover the void with false pride and a fake happiness. They don’t fool me or they wouldn’t be on this site. Be honest.

  13. The above quotes in the article attributed to me were not my words.
    They were someone else’s response to the question.
    I merely responded to her response.

  14. CM Admin please remove my name in the above article as the quote was not mine. It was Lindsey’s quote as you can see from the thread.
    Below is the lnk to the original thread about Loneliness started by Christina Reis.
    http://www.catholicmatch.com/forums/topics/posts.html?topic_id=173017;offset=100
    (see thread #102)
    She incorrectly attributed the quote to me that was actually Lindsey’s quote.

    • Christina Ries

      This has been corrected. Kathleen, again, I apologize for the error!

      Thanks to all for the insightful comments on this topic. I’ve really enjoyed reading them.

      • Thanks for correcting the error Christina. Unfortunately I have received some emails and comments about my alleged comments being negative even though they were not my comments. Hope this straightens it out.

  15. Being single is so hard. I now live with my aging father and feel that I am parenting him. The loneliness is sometimes overwhelming. He is concerned with only himself and staying alive. I just want to enjoy life for a change. I agree with some that no one is there to give hugs and affirmations. My children disagree with my decision and I cannot talk to them.
    I have been working on my spiritual life and am more peaceful – most days. Still have a lot to accomplish. I read the Bible every day and am really enjoying the peace I receive doing so.

  16. about belng alone, i think at this time in my life its the hardest thing i have ever gone thru. about, cm i meet someone and we dated but it did not work out, i am still not sure why but i do trust in god that when its time he will provide. keep the faith my brothers and sisters.

  17. I hate being lonely. I don’t live alone, my children are here but what happens when they leave the house? I don’t want to end up by myself. Not having that special someone to hold you at night, talk about your day @ work, share a glass of wine or a rum & coke, takes it’s toll on a person. I have been a widow for 4yrs now don’t go out. I want to but seems like there’s no one interested. Single life is not all that great.:(

  18. I agree with John who expounded on movie night and meeting other single Catholics in the flesh so to speak :-). Definitely think meeting someone in person is the way to go if at all possible. It’s the real thing! The written word is only a small part of truly getting to know someone……

  19. When someone is married for almost 50 years to a wonderful loving man, lonliness is the most awful feeling. I am thankful for so many lifetime friends but that doesn’t take the place of someone to talk to, share evenings with and all those wonderful hugs. I thank God every day for the beautiful memories. Laverne

    • Oh Laverne the love between you and your spouse must have made many joyous to see you two together. Our Lord loves you in this same way and I will pray for you:-)

  20. I am a single for over 37 yrs, My children have moved out for years and have their own lives. I am a retiree since 2003. People say that when you are alone, you are lonely. I disagree. We make our own lives. Please remember that God created us to enjoy all things. He did not say that you should not be single to enjoy all things…. I make my life. I read: change your beliefs, you change your behaviour; change your behaviour, you change your results; change your results, you change your life. I agree that sometimes we need to have someone to talk to, cry with, etc.. However, we do have someone with us all the time GOD. We can talk to Him in our prayers; however, we need to learn how to listen. Frankly speaking, the thought of having a partner scares me to death. I have been on my own for eons, and having a partner require adjustmentSSS. I am an independent woman. However, if God has someone for me or not, His will be done. Embrace life….. Trust in Him…

  21. There is nothing worse than being married and lonely. I have been there. I am very sad to say that I am now divorced. After being married to a very abusive husband, I find myself single. It is difficult at times, rebuilding yourself, self-respect, self-confidence and learning about who God intended for you to be. I enjoy my church, friends and community activities, but also wish for someone special for my life. I will just be patient and trust that God knows what is best for me.

  22. not having someone to hug and hold and call my own.coming home to a empty house and bed and no one to share my up and downs with. the silence can drive you nuts.we all love to be wanted

  23. We all want to belong to someone, to anyone. Married life is not a panacea to this.

  24. Yes, im lonely too, but i realize that in the end there will be nothing but eternal bliss with the triune God and all the saints.

  25. single ladies dont give up waiting for the one for theres time for everything,,,If u trust GOd He will lead u to meet that guy one day in the right place, right occasion,right time and right person….life is waiting and we need to be patience…if ur single does not mean ur alone bec.God is always on your side he never leaves u…online dating well if u believe u can meet Him soon on dating online then it will happen soon one day that His infront of you…..but the truth is not all men are serious in the long distance relationship,,in hundred guys only 1 is true,,,,,

  26. Being single is tough where I come from, especially for someone like me who does believe in all of the Catholic/Christian teachings and went through a bitter divorce only to see my ex-wife run off and marry another shortly after and hear she was cheating all along. Plus I was the victim of a lot of abuse and her drinking. I realized that even though I do want a strong foundation built based on friendship first, I feel sometimes I have a hard time getting there, sometimes expect something more to develop, and even end up getting attached quickly, only to end up disappointed in the end. Even though my only experience in a marriage was toxic, I would still choose a happy and healthy, sacramental marriage over being single anyday, but this time with God’s best for me, and no settling like I did last time.

  27. I feel very lonesome and I do not want to bother my children very much, I am trying to make new friends but is going very slowly. I am still grieving my husband but I am sure that I will find someone if it is God’s will.

  28. The worst part of being single is that I have no one to share life with. I have no one to celebrate life’s happy times with, and I have no one to commiserate with when times are tough…

  29. Friends and family (and a sweet, big dog!) help fill the lonliness void, and make it easier to live life as a single person. While there’s always hope that I’ll someday marry, it’s important to accept your life as it is and make the most of it. One thing that I do miss is a larger opportunity for social involvement in my parish. There are numerous groups catering to young singles, moms, families, seniors and other demographic groups within the parish, but nothing for adult Catholics in middle age. I alwasy feel that the focus of parish life is on Catholic families, and helping singles who are young enough to have children, and if you don’t fit that profile, you’re left out. The time I feel most lonely is when I go to Mass every week by myself.

  30. It is better to be happy with oneself than to be unhappy with someone else. Making a journey of becoming independent and self-sufficient, while nurturing the friendships you have or develop can be very rewarding. If someone comes along I would consider it a bonus, not a necessity. That puts me in a much better place than thinking that I need a relationship in my life.

  31. Being single has its benefits like plenty of time for thinking an hanging out with friends, family, school anvocations. yet it all comes down to each an every individual theirself, am I happy being single or am I miserable an yearning for someone to be with for me being single is nice from time to time. Gives me time to think an search for who an what I am what God has in store for me but it gets to a point where i feel like whats wrong with me, why am I single am I just that unattractive. When I am around my friends an family they asure me that I just havent met the right one but I dunno about the pro’s and con’s to being single versus not being single all I know is it has me misereable an I wake up an look in a mirror an think God I’m hear all alone where is the mate I asked for I’m still waiting.

  32. I am happy being single. Now would I like to find someone? Yes. Are there days that I wish I had someone? Yes. However, i just keep going out and having fun and one day when God feels that it is my time to find that person he will have her come into my life.

  33. Joe S. May 16, 2011

    I can see the “advantages” of a single life. I look at it simply this: it’s really a matter of choice. For me, I no longer enjoy being single and I want to be with someone. Simple? Yes. Easy? No. I have decided that the “single life” is not for me and I am doing the things I believe will get me to where I want to be: in a long-term and committed relationship, preferably marriage with someone who loves me and whom I love. Will it happen? I hope so. What I have discovered is that I need to continually improve myself and not put the responsibility for improving on anyone else like I have in the past. This includes a closer walk with God to grow closer to Him and all the other parts of me that need A LOT of work!

    • I wish you all the best and hope that you find that special someone. I think that everyone on this site is looking for that. I see happy couples who have had the good fortune of being married for a long time and see the interaction between the two of them and know that this is what I’m hoping to find myself. I’ve given the results up to God and agree that I need to continue to work on myself. Only by doing my part will it be fair. I’ve given up the fantasy of “being taken care of” and know that I was to be a contributing member of a relationship. Well, I wish you all the best and will be thinking good thoughts for you. Take good care.

  34. Marriage is the only sacrament that has eluded me. While all those things mentioned above are great, it is really the amount of time that matters. All the ups of single life are great, but after 5 years of cooking, cleaning, laundry, food shopping, etc all for myself, it gets tiring. Freedom is great, but overrated. “That’s just some people talking, your prison is walking through this world all alone.”-Don Henley. It may be true that I have absolute autonomy, but like the one person said it is autonomy without love. And while I use the time to meditate in God’s word by reading the Bible and spiritual literature never being truly alone and spending time with God, it is scriptural to be married. To come home, share the chores and finances, enjoy the family each and every night, never have to go out again, watch shows with someone, talk to someone, be loved, eat out with someone, would be better than autonomy. I liked living with my parents and sister, I want to have a family that’s mine. I can pretend that I’m totally loving single life but the truth is it is unfulfilling and empty. It is better than being miserable, but not better than being fulfilled. Lonliness is painful but character building. Look at the time David spent alone in the fields with the sheep. But hope is our friend. As long as there is hope, there is a reason to get up, go to work, do the chores, study, read, etc. Thank you O Lord for hope.

  35. I do not mind being single, i can go to and from when i need and want , I can work as much as i can and want to and not have to worry about a honey do list.

  36. It’s hard to be single. I feel that life is better navigated through as a couple. Having someone to share to joys and successes with as well as when life hands you a difficult challenge, it’s easier to work through it when you have the support of a close friend – well, a best friend that you know will always be there. I’ve been single for a long time and am interested in finding that special someone to share the rest of my life with. Give and take, good times and bad, till death do us part. Don’t know if I’m being overly idealistic, but I still believe that it’s possible. Faith, hope, and prayer can accomplish much in this life.

  37. My Aunt once told me not to be single too long or you might get so accustomed to it, you won’t be able to maintain a relationship when/if it ever does happen. At first I just shrugged it off, but now I’ve been single so long (9 years) I’m afraid she may have been right. I feel like the longer it takes the less my chance for success may be.

  38. I feel that God has given me a gift of life without a spouse or children for I had a bad experience in the beginning of my life and have medical problems that would only hurt those who would of been a family to me. I thank Jesus for the gift of loneliness and the enjoyment without a family to worry about. I believe Jesus has a better plan for me instead of society.

  39. I have been a widow for almost 18 months. My husband was everything to me. We were married for 42 years when he died. Yes it is lonely I will admit that, but it does get better with time. You get used to do exactly what you want to do when you want to do it. I would give anything in the world if my husband could be here but my life is going on, on a positive note, it’s what he would have wanted for me. Good luck to all of you out there, I hope you find the love your looking for. I will write when I find mine.

  40. oh my! where do i start? i’ve been single all my life with the exception of one long term relationship which was a distant relationship so therefore, doesnt really count. what i can say, is i’ve had countless dates(mostly with men i met online, from both secular and catholic singles sites)…yikes! now that i think about it, i can probably be classified as a serial dater (haha!)…..all along, i’ve believed that each one enriched my life to somewhat prepare me for “the one” God has chosen for me. i’ve actually befriended some of these men whom i have learned so much from. now, have i sometimes pondered the thought, “is something wrong with me?” ABSOLUTELY! especially, when i thought we had hit it off so well, etc etc. but having said that, i also know my heart and know God is the guide of my heart. tough? ABSOLUTELY! especially, when i have moments of loneliness and desire companionship. i do things alone all the time when i can actually be spending it in companionship with someone. it was great when i had a roommate because that helped with the loneliness void. but then she married and moved out of state. wahh! i am successful in my career because i’ve allowed myself to be overly consumed….again, to help fill that void of loneliness. great way to put the excuse of “always being busy” into play. ha! i am incredibly grateful to my bible study group, singles serving orphans ministry and of course, my few God-sent friends (both married and not) who bless me with their friendship and companionship. oh and i cant forget to mention, my sweet little puppy, bella. she has been God-sent too! Lord, help us to abandon ourselves in you, single or not.

  41. Our time of singleness can be for our good when we use it to develop a closer friendship with God.It’s a time when we discover ourselves and learn who we are and what God wants us become.The funny thing is that even while you know that you have God and you’re walking with him, there’s still that time when the loneliness creeps in and bites at you.Times when you’re having a bad day and you need to hear a loving word, a warm embrace or a smile.It is these times when you feel the pinch of loneliness but otherwise singleness is a learning experience and you don’t have to let sadness or loneliness take from you what you can learn from being a single or what you can give to God through being a single for once your companion comes along, and you start a new life together and maybe family comes in, then you’ll have so many things taking up your time,time which you had while being a single.So our time as a single is a time for us to give as much of ourselves to God as we can.

  42. It is interesting to read the comments and then check out the person’s age, marital status, sex, and whether or not they have children. Younger people and people who have been married and those with children have a tolerance for being single at the present time. Those of us who are older and have never had the blessings of marriage and children are much less tolerant of the single life. However, some never married men approaching the age of 40 are still enjoying the single life because they still get to do whatever they want, whenever they want (sounds selfish) and they don’t have to worry about the biological clock that determines if they will ever have the joy of holding their first born in their arms. Don’t say someone is “whining” because you have no idea what they have experienced or are experiencing – but you might one day.

    The other thing that I find interesting is that some people think that being single is the best way to work on our relationship with God or to become closer to God…………… Why would they say that? Why would that even make a difference? Married life is a sacrament that brings us closer to God. In marriage you live a life of service to God far more than you do as a single person.

  43. I’m in my mid-60′s and have been single since I was in my late 40′s. I loved my independence and all the freedom that come with not having anyone to compromise with or consider….. until my parents died, especially my wonderful dad. Then I started feeling lonely for the first time ever and also started wanting to get married again. Is that crazy or what? For a while there I was ready to “settle” for someone I’ve been friends with for 35 yrs. even though we were not really compatible. Dodged that bullet and am now trying to get back to loving being single. There really are a lot of things to like about it, many of which are listed in other posts. Besides, being single is waaay better than being in a bad marriage. If the good Lord brings Mr. Right into my life at this late stage I will rejoice but if not I will enjoy my independence because I know that’s what He wants for me.

  44. Would I like a girlfriend? Sure. But I don’t feel my life is less just because I don’t have someone to hug at the end of the day. Alone? We are never truly alone. How can we expect to be happy with someone if we can’t be happy by ourselves?” I love this

  45. I like my independence but, I really miss sharing my laife with another that truely gets me.

  46. Getting married and having children does not mean you will never be lonely again. I have been marred twice. My second husband died 7 years ago. My children/grandchildren live in different states, the closest being 950 miles away and the farthest 2,000 miles. I got married the first time as a teen, and married the second time, shortly after the first ended. I had never lived alone, went from parents to husband. However, I have gotten use to it now, and I don’t know if I could actually live with another person at this stage of my life. We are never truly alone, as God is always with us!
    There are advantages to both being single and being married.

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  48. Like many people, being single at this stage of life was chosen for me and was a very difficult adjustment. In my 17 year marriage, I was what I consider a married “single” and even slept alone all those years. I have always been independent and comfortable with myself. I have a full life, enjoy many things and have a very tight relationship with the Lord (I guess I’d better since I work for the Catholic Church!) While, I am grateful to God for delivering me from a destructive marriage, I still have my days of struggling with the fact that I am on my own making major decisions that I would normally discuss with a spouse. I don’t know what it is to have a spouse do things alongside me because mine never did. There are many things to look forward to the second time around and for the most part, I have been optimistic and hopeful. Maintaining a positive outlook is a discipline – one filled with daily (and even hourly) prayer and support from friends. One must choose to hold onto God’s promise and offer up the “sacrifice of praise” on those cloudy days.

  49. I come from a culture where marriage is considered the greatest achievement a woman can have. Even though I am well educated and have a good career, in my quiet moment the fear of being alone in life gets to me. particularly as I want a family and I wouldnt want to have kids out of wedlock.

    Right now I am at a point where I am just happy being me and enjoying the simple things in life cos I am trusting God. And I know when it comes I may not have time to do a lot of things I can do now.

  50. Michael L. January 14, 2013

    I’m 57, never married, and no children. As a SWM who has tried dating on and off, I can say what kept me single was never finding a large supply of Catholic females interested in dating. Middle age Catholics really are left out in singles groups among most churches. Today I’m considered a senior, golden ager, or whatever. I really hate that title since it is based on age nothing else. If you feel God will send you the right person at the right moment in your life, great. Personally I think that is wishful thinking. The reality is this: for a single woman over 40 today, her chances of ever being married are 1 %. For a single man over 40, his chances are only 5%. Sorry folks the Census Bureau put this out. I found at 40 plus I simply could not find date partners who were not divorced or had kids. It was usually both. I met some fine women earlier in my life, and sadly I did not pursue them. Would they have been been good spouses? I think so, but I was too busy to pay attention. Lots of people end up single for life because like me they aged out of the dating market. At 50 plus I get NO responses to online or personal ads anymore. I’m considered too old. It’s scary to think I could live 30 more years and not get another date unless I hire an escort. Sorry, but age limits your dating greatly. Read the book –Marry Him by Lori Gottlieb if you doubt me.
    Also guys can’t always date younger, I tried that and it didn’t work. It’s amazing how many woman out there still have huge lists of demands for guys over 40 or 50 when their dating prospects are so limited anyway. If you want a good spouse, start your search early –no later than your 20s. By 30 you will be facing a declining pool, and it just gets worse as you get older.

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