Would More Men Date Me If I Lost Weight?


Does weight affect how or who you date?

We count calories. We purchase expensive gym memberships. We obsess over our wardrobe, experiment with the latest fad diet and watch “The Biggest Loser” in awe. Our culture revolves around the physical – what color we are, what clothes we wear and how many pounds we carry on our frame.

It’s an intimidating situation for single Catholics since, whether we like to admit it or not, physical appearance and attraction are key to a first impression. In a world that deems size 0 models and muscular men as ideal, the pressure is on to impress.

When we reach a lull in the dating scene, it’s easy to wonder if our physical appearance is falling short of the opposite sex’s standards. What if I worked out more, ate better and dropped a few pounds? Would more men date me if I lost weight?

Lindsey-297821 recently posed this question in the Tobias & Sara Room forum after a male friend suggested she lose weight to improve her dating life. 

“He actually came out and told me that if I lost weight that more guys would be after me,” she wrote. “It kind of shocked me that he said that, but he had a good reason behind what he said. He said that the extra weight is a real turn-off because it makes it seem like I don’t care about myself and don’t try to take care of myself.”

And then came Lindsey’s pointed question: “Is there really something wrong with people who are a few extra pounds or heavy set that they don’t deserve a chance to find someone that loves them for who they are?”

The responses from both men and women are piling in, signifying that weight and appearance are issues that many single Catholics grapple with in the dating scene.

Many women replied that a happy and healthy spirit is more than important than a trim figure. Here’s a sampling of their comments:

“If you are confident, happy, and healthy where you are, then that is what matters.”  -Cathy-234108

“I wouldn’t want any man ever that was only into my body or looks. The problem with wanting that perfect image is that nobody can measure up. I am not tucking, lifting or injecting anything to be appealing. Take it or leave it.”  -Linda-756196

“I think it depends more on how you feel about yourself. I have more confidence when I’m thinner and that has a huge impact on whether others find me attractive.”  -Cathy-234108

“Let us all strive to be the best person the Lord wants us to be without being distracted by secular nonsense. Be yourself, be happy always!”  -Jacqueline-198

Many men agreed that physical appearance pales in importance to a balanced lifestyle. A few of their comments:

“Well, I will admit a real thin woman may be attractive, but I am afraid to hurt or break them by looking at them…I know my type is alive, breathing, and active, just a matter of finding ‘The One.’ ”  -Jason-581074

“What your guy friend told you is accurate. It’s good to have friends who can be brutally honest at times. I’m sure that he was trying to help and meant well. Critique is a good thing amongst friends.”  -Joseph-248539

“Yes, feeling healthy and looking healthy are positive and attractive traits to the opposite sex. It goes both ways. Emotional, spiritual and physical health in balance.”  -Steve-157537

“It is not at all uncommon for attraction to develop after two people get to know each other personally. But this can’t happen if you don’t give it a chance.”  -Jerry-74383

CatholicMatchers, weigh in: Do body type and fitness level influence your feelings toward a potential mate?






33 Comments

  1. Barb-505508 October 3, 2011 Reply

    When I began my quest for Mr. Right, I was carefully dieting and exercising. That brought me into many f2f situations and they were all frogs. Then I began to ignore my weight for a while and gained several pounds and Mr. Right walked into my life and he thought I was beautiful for who I was, regardless of weight. Recently I’ve had to lose weight for health reasons so I dieted a bit and took exercise classes. It blew Mr. Right away and I couldn’t be happier, because he fell in love with the real me and now that he’s got the slimmed down version he’s ecstatic. Life is good!

  2. Lindsey-297821 October 3, 2011 Reply

    Wow, my post made the blogs! I’m impressed. I would like to get more feedback on this.

    • Marian-83994 October 3, 2011 Reply

      Yes I think it is really neat Lindsey that your post made the blogs. It is actually a very positive way to get this topic out here. I can remember some very unfortunate circumstances when several ladies over a long time brought up weight questions in the forums. In some instances, the responses were handled in a very degrading way by some posters.. This give this important topic a chance to be discussed in a new light and format.. and with new considerations, perhaps.

    • Ramona-738757 October 4, 2011 Reply

      Lindsey, my dear you are special.

  3. Lisa-2533 October 3, 2011 Reply

    I know many women that no one would define as thin who have men who adore them! They think they are perfect just as they are. Just as all women are different with their preferences, so are men. I think it is impossible to make a blanket statement: “more guys would date me if I was thinner”. Not all guys care about that. Yes, it is true that society has influenced most men to feel that size 0 is the ideal and anything above that is less than perfect. But there are guys out there who won’t care. Often it is our own insecurities that are the problem.
    And when it comes down to it,if a guy wouldn’t date me because of my weight, then I wouldn’t want to date him period. That means he doesn’t see me as a whole person and only cares about my body. No one is perfect. No one has got it all together emotionally, physically, spiritually, intellectually. It is important to find that person who loves you for you, regardless of what you weigh. I was lucky enough to find a guy who loves me, curves and all. He was worth the wait, because he sees me as a whole person and loves me for me and not just my body parts.

  4. Deanna-558852 October 3, 2011 Reply

    Funny that as I’m about to read this article an advertisement for Jillian Michael pops up on the screen about weight loss goals. Hmmmm…..

    • Elizabeth-860032 September 28, 2012 Reply

      Just what I thought, and it’s nearly exactly a year later – still happening!! I would love to be thinner but I would also love it if a guy fell for me just as I am!!! :o)

  5. Marian-83994 October 3, 2011 Reply

    This is a very interesting topic. I think that all should strive to look and feel and be as healthy as we possibly can. We also need to ask ourselves if too much time on the internet has kept us away from working out. For me- the trade off is no longer worth anything. I need to be more active. I have always been very active until I spent too much time in front of a computer screen. One of the reasons I recently let my membership lapse is so I can focus on being more active instead of posting on forums. I am seeking TOTAL balance and satisfaction in my life and for me exercise is essential. I have to watch my weight at all times whether I am on this site or not, whether I am seeking a husband/boyfriend or not. I happen to believe I will have more success in reaching weight or fitness goals now that I have ruled out one distraction on CM– the forums, and lets add– the correspondance. I have spend many evenings exercising for the past 12 months and THIS has become more satisfying to me than bantering while sitting…. These are just my own preferences, feelings and needs. This is not to make anyone feel bad or even to have them feel judged. This is purely my stance on it for myself. After all, I have to live in my body and I tend to get sore and feel uncomfortable when I do not exericse..

    • Christina-519533 October 3, 2011 Reply

      Yes, Marian, we can all thank Lindsey for bringing it up in such a thoughtful way. Thanks, ladies — Barb, Lisa, Deanna — for the great comments. Hope to hear from some men too.

  6. Mary-25961 October 4, 2011 Reply

    I didn’t post on the original post but thought I would add my 2 cents here. Since coming to CM many years ago,I have found that the most beautiful girls/woman do note receive emails,F2F, etc. either. So I decided to have to rethink the “weight” issue. Yes it has been hammered out on sooo many posts in the forums men are visual, we women get it. Yet, are those the same fellas that are not getting responses because they don’t have the right job, etc. I believe this generation has taken a second look at the Barbie Doll & Ken generation and look for looks not only outward but inward. I think Lindsay’s friend was being honest but all men do not look at woman and see only the wrappings, just like all woman do not see $$$ signs when they hear what kind of job the fella has. Whether you are on Catholic Match or Match.com you will find a percentage of men and women the same but you will also find a percentage of woman and men who are looking for something more in their lives and in their relationships besides the wrappings, because even if we receive the most beautiful wrapped present, inside could be a piece of coal. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

  7. Tim-734178 October 4, 2011 Reply

    I can not speak for other men, just myself. I am looking for healthy. A few extra pounds doesnt bother me, nor does “skinny”. Obese is something else. I say that because I was obese. On my 5 fott 10 frame used to hang 280 pounds. Mostly in the form of a hugh gut that made me look like I was 23 months overdue. It took a LONG time to lose that, and after 40 is hard to lose weight. But it was either that or a host of medical problems. So yes, appearance matters, but HEALTH matters more. Especially in the more seasoned ladies of CM.

    • Diana-432592 October 5, 2011 Reply

      Tim on behalf of healthy, heavy women everywhere— Thank you!

  8. Ramona-738757 October 4, 2011 Reply

    A man doesn’t love a woman because she is beautiful. She’s beautiful because he loves her.”

    • Elizabeth-860032 September 28, 2012 Reply

      She is beautiful because she is made in the image and likeness of God. :o)

  9. Kelli-715770 October 5, 2011 Reply

    If you look around and observe couples all over the place, you will notice more overweight men have companions than overweight women do. I feel women are much more inclined to be accepting of a man who is overweight. I think men tend to look right past a woman who may have a few extra pounds. I have a few extra pounds. I work out 6 days a week. I eat my fruits and vegetables. I am a fabulous, fun, happy person. But I feel a lot of men, who have a lot of same interests and are a match, look past all of the good qualities, only because I don’t have a perfect figure. It can get pretty disheartening. But I put my trust in the Lord and know that he knows what is best for me. :)

    • Lindsey-297821 October 5, 2011 Reply

      That is why I asked that question Kelli. I have the same problem! I work out 7 days a week, eat right, have lost a lot of weight already, but I still have a few extra pounds on me, and for that guys don’t notice me. I do believe that women are more forgiving of a man that has a few extra pounds on him. And yes, at times I find myself judging men that are obese as lazy and someone who don’t take care of themselves, but I also realize that he might be a really good person on the inside and I try to get to know him before I stick to that judgment. I just think it is wrong for people to “judge a book by its cover”, if you will. Just because the rest of the world does it, doesn’t mean you have to. God made us all unique and if we don’t take the time to get to know someone, we might be missing out on the chance to have something wonderful in our lives, whether it is a friend or the love of your life. I try to do that with everyone. I get to know them and not just superficially. I try to get down to who they really are. Maybe its just me, but its more fulfilling that way.

      • Maureen C. September 17, 2013 Reply

        Those guys are being influenced by the world and not following God, He loves us all unconditionally, and His focus isn’t not on belly fat, but righteousness.

        It is because of the effects of sin that the men don;t notice, Before the Fall of man, we had total communion with God and our hearts were pure and uncorrupted. We enjoyed unbroken fellowship with Him. After the Fall, we became sinful and prejudiced and lustful.

        These guys are looking not as God sees, but as the world sees. These guys are being influenced by Satan that tells lies, like if you have a little belly fat, you are not beautiful or lovable.

    • Elizabeth-860032 September 28, 2012 Reply

      Agreed.

  10. Maureen-763486 October 5, 2011 Reply

    I’ve been working on my health this past year. Lost 46 pounds and still losing. But the men in here don’t know that,,they still see a heavy me. Getting pretty tired of it. I don’t know why I thought it would be different on this site.

    • Maureen C. September 17, 2013 Reply

      Maureen, please don’t worry about those immature boys, They are not worth your time. If they can’t see that, then they’re blind. They need to be encouraging instead of discouraging. By the way, congratulations on your 46 pound weight loss. So jealous! :) Don’t let these foolish men who are influenced by the world and by Satan to make you feel bad about yourself. God knows you’re beautiful, he knows that a 46 pound weight loss is a major accomplishment and anyone who isn’t celebrating with you because to them it’s not enough, or significant enough or it'[s not enough weight can kick rocks.

  11. Tim-100809 October 6, 2011 Reply

    I do believe body type and fitness level influences our feelings toward a potential mate. Some, perhaps, more than others. According to a gov’t health chart, at 5’11”, I should weigh about 180 lbs. I weigh 210 lbs, 30 lbs. overweight. I excersise and stay active and am comfortable with my weight. Women may tend to overlook a man being a few pounds overweight, but I don’t think men in general, view it the same way. Everyone has their preferences. Physical attraction is but one of many factors in finding a potential mate…but it is usually a very important one to men in my humble opinion.

    • Maureen C. September 17, 2013 Reply

      What’s wrong with men being so unforgiving towards women but they want women to accept them for who they are? I personally find that very attitude both hypocritical and immature.

      Let me use myself for an example. What if I was overweight and wanted someone to love me and accept me for who I am, but I met an overweight man and was unwilling to do the same for him? Would that be fair or right? You can’t whine about people mistreating you and being unfair to you if you do the very same to others.

  12. Lisa-572677 October 7, 2011 Reply

    I’ve seen Tim in real life and he looks just fine, which is one of the reasons he has a special gal, in addition to all of his other wonderful attributes.
    But back to the original question, yes, if you are closer to your ideal weight, you will get more dates! You will receive much more attention from men the more attractive you are. If you shop in the plus size dept., you will receive less attention. Deep down, we all know this.
    Still, it’s important to be beautiful on the inside and healthy! And most women want to be with a man who has a realistic attitude about her figure. Over the years, I’ve been know to pork up a bit – just to keep the conversation on topics of importance to me, such as work, being a mom.

    • Helaena-743478 October 8, 2011 Reply

      Sometimes, the only weight that a woman does need to lose is the 195 pounds of male who is witholding his approval ! lol “Drop that zero, and find yourself a hero!” Same for the fellas! Big men are beautiful !
      Just do your best to be as healthy as your frame allows.

      • Lindsey-297821 October 11, 2011 Reply

        lol…Helaena, that was too funny! I laughed so hard I cried! That is a wonderful way to look at it though.

      • Johnna-472919 October 12, 2011 Reply

        Now that’s a funny comment!

  13. Diana-737319 October 10, 2011 Reply

    How you feel always trumps how you look. Confidence is key! ;)

  14. Michael-429146 October 12, 2011 Reply

    Physically I’ve always been attracted to “average janes”. As a guy from SoCal I’ve become jaded with the attitude that women have about looking good, fit and thin. To me when a woman is “average” then she’s more real to me. I guess what I’m saying is just be you and smile.

  15. Johnna-472919 October 12, 2011 Reply

    Dear Lord, I looked quickly at Lindsay’s profile since she responded with surprise below that her posting made the blog. If young women who look like her are having trouble, there’s no hope for the rest of us! Lindsay, your guy “friend” is a jerk given that your profile shows you to be quite a beauty both outside and inside. But having said that, he’s right (not about you, but in general). At the age of 47 I can say men like skinny, (usually) blond, really pretty women. It’s just a simple fact of life. Any woman who tells you otherwise is either (A)skinny;(B) married;c) in a committed relationship but unhappy because she doesn’t want to end up on an on-line dating site looking for love. I’m not negative or cynical. Just realistic. Good luck in search for love. And read the book, “Getting to I do.” It’s filled with intereting insights.

  16. Joseph-266633 November 13, 2011 Reply

    I think the most vocal folks will say that weight doesn’t matter, but the hundreds of folks who browse through profiles everyday prove that weight does make a difference by simply not reaching out to overweight members.

  17. Amanda-818043 August 27, 2012 Reply

    If someone is telling you, you need to lose weight to be able to have success with dating, they are not the guy you want to be with. In the end, look in the mirror and say What do I want to look like? Instead of What does everyone else want me to look like? Weight loss is a personal choice, and your choice alone. It`s a commitment and for some people a lifestyle change with getting more exercise, eating better, etc. You don`t have to be a certain size to be attractive, however if health is an issue because you are overweight, that`s a whole different ballgame. You don`t have to starve yourself or take diet pills, you just have to find a plan that works for you. Women of all different shapes and sizes get married and have boyfriends all the time. I don`t think it`s wrong for someone to have an opinion about a body preference, but I do think it`s wrong, to make rude comments to others and tell them to lose weight. Same thing with telling people they need to gain weight. It`s just not your place. For some people, keeping weight off requires no effort, and for others it requires a lot of maintenance. It doesn`t mean, you don`t take care of yourself, if you have a few extra pounds. Work or stress makes it hard too. Sometimes you can use food as a way to cope, people just don`t understand why a person has issues with their weight sometimes. I say, do it for you, not somebody else.

  18. Richard-76477 September 19, 2012 Reply

    Let’s not forget that the issue of weight is more than just appearance. It’s also an issue of health. Excessive weight can lead to diabetes, coronary disease, joint problems and premature death. So, it may be wise to re-think the popular mantra of “accepting me the way I am.”

  19. Maureen C. September 17, 2013 Reply

    It’s about sex, it’s not about love at all! They see the person as not somebody that they truly love imperfections and all, but are looking at them from a lustful, sinful perspective,

    Yes, I want to lose weight and look attractive, but realize that I’m doing it to play society’s stupid and sinful game. The Lord doesn’t care about any of this foolishness, so why do we? We need to follow His example and love all people fully and totally, not just the ones that meet our standards of acceptability.

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