My Best Friend’s Wedding: ‘Yes, I Am Jealous & Sad’


Confessions of a single maid of honor at her best friend's wedding

I think this year could be called The Year Of The Wedding. I am invited to a lot of weddings this year.

Attending a wedding as a single person can be a tricky thing. Should I bring a date? (The majority of polled CatholicMatchers said they fly solo, especially the men.) Will I be at a table with a bunch of married people? Will I have a good time? We tend to fixate on ourselves instead of the excitement of the day. But I’m sure we all think about another wedding that is not our own.

As my close girlfriends get engaged and move on to be wives and mothers, I am genuinely happy for them, but there is an element of sadness too.

I reflect on all the good times spent with my single girlfriends: basketball trips in college, deep discussions with a bottle of wine at the vineyard, beach weekends and mission trips. These are times when we were learning what it meant to be good friends, what it meant to grow up and what it meant to be Catholic.

These girlfriends are the ones I would call late into the night, right when I was upset about a break-up. These are the women who I would go to for advice about hair color, book picks and life choices. They were there whenever I needed them and I was there for them.

But the reality is, relationships change. If we remained stagnant we would not be fulfilling the things God wanted us to do…and just be really boring. We find new careers, meet our spouses and grow into the people God wants us to be. Growth and change are good things. But sometimes change hurts. 

My Best Friend’s Wedding (And My Maid-Of-Honor Toast)

When my close girlfriend gets married, her vocation is to her husband and next to her children. She is still my friend, but the relationship changes. She cannot be there for me all the time. In truth, she shouldn’t be.

As I watch my close friends get married, to be honest: Yes, I am jealous. I wonder when it will be my turn. Yes, I am sad, because our time as single girlfriends is over and we won’t have those spontaneous trips, late-night phone conversations or the security of knowing someone is always there to listen.

If you have close friends getting married, realize it is OK to be sad. Allow yourself to grieve the loss of a close relationship, because it will change.

But please, don’t stop there. Be generous to your friend who is getting married. Don’t allow your jealousy to consume you. Let them talk about the wedding plans. They have fears too. Take advantage of that time you have with them and share in their joy.

What is your advice for the single during wedding season? Do you have a hard time attending weddings?






16 Comments

  1. Marita-847688 June 18, 2012 Reply

    I, too, can get jealous of others when they get married. It has gone from me being happy for them and excited for the wedding to me being jealous and borderline bitter. I never thought that I’d be one of the last of my friends to get married. The thought never even crossed my mind. I never thought that I’d be lonely at this age. I keep having to remind myself that someday it just may be my turn and for now I should be happy for my friends because I know I’d want them to be happy for me. Hopefully it will be my turn one day, and when that day comes I want everyone to share in my joy the way I did when the first few of my friends and family members got married.

  2. Stephen-725391 June 18, 2012 Reply

    Yes. I have a good friend (74 and widower) that met a nice lady (66 and widow) at, of all places, Reconciliation Liturgy this last lent and last week officially be came a couple. Bummer. I have yet to get very far in the annulment process, NOT due to MY feet dragging mind you but others, so I feel jealous and happy for him all at the same time. Don’t give me the line about being ‘friends’ and LDRs suck. I’m 63 and watch my friend and his new friend at like teenagers – Not bad!

    • Linda-666928 June 25, 2012 Reply

      I BELIEVE THAT IF YOU WANT TO GIVE GOD THE CANCELLATION, I THINK I SHOULD CARRY HIS CROSS AND FOLLOW CHRIST, PEOPLE WANT ALL EASY AND NO EFFORT, THE BEST God is giving A MESSAGE, they do not want to remarry., I LISTEN TO THE PRIEST SAY THAT IF FAILURE omeone MARRIAGE IS BEST LEFT ALONE AS THE WIDOW, THE WIDOW TO EXPECT THE DEATH and reconnect with the loved one, many are thinking of NOT ALONE BUT STAY BACK ENAMORAR.Y nadien THINK ON THE CROSS TO LOAD. MAYBE GOD IS SAYING THAT HIS CROSS IS WHERE YOU CAN STILL GIVE THE CANCELLATION.

  3. Marita-847688 June 18, 2012 Reply

    What’s an LDR?

  4. Paul-716327 June 19, 2012 Reply

    Yes Steven what is LDR ????? Left Democratic Republic

  5. Michelle-50109 June 19, 2012 Reply

    LDR = Long Distance Relationship

  6. Marita-847688 June 19, 2012 Reply

    Thanks Michelle.

  7. Paul-716327 June 19, 2012 Reply

    thank you Michelle

  8. Amy-719608 June 20, 2012 Reply

    Weddings usually make me really happy, I’m thankful I don’t feel too jealous when many of my friends have been getting married. I’ve never been one to loose hope or think “all is lost”. My husband is out there somewhere, and I have faith that God will lead us to each other, and in the meantime I’m learning patience and how to be a better woman. I can’t think of a worse reaction to a friend getting married–someday when I get married I want to rejoice with my friends, so I try to do that as well with my friends now. After all, we’re witnessing their sacrament with God, and their lives are changed forever before our eyes, how beautiful is that!? :)

  9. Marita-847688 June 20, 2012 Reply

    Amy you are so wise, and grateful and an example to us all. I try to feel happy, and for the most part I am, but with each friend (especially someone I’ve know since childhood) who gets married it gets harder and harder. Patience and gratefulness are new things that I am working on.

  10. Marita-847688 June 20, 2012 Reply

    Ok, Amy. You’re the same age as me, so I should not be talking. If you can be patient, so can I.

  11. Meesch-691047 June 23, 2012 Reply

    Your presence and support are greatly appreciated at the weddings of your friends. But, if you can offer them that support that they will need from you, then you can always love them from afar… Amazon gift cards always are welcomed :)

  12. Christina-511011 June 24, 2012 Reply

    I can relate, it’s definitely rough when all of your friends start to find that special someone, and you’re left still searching for him…

  13. Jim-397948 June 26, 2012 Reply

    I am still waiting for a CM Women to trip me on my way back from communion at St.Gabriels in Saddle River, NJ

    The Soul Mate Prayer
    Heavenly Mother, Father, God, Most Gracious and Loving Creator, I ask that You abundantly Bless me with my perfect soul mate, a beautiful soul that is for our highest good and may we experience our greatest joy together!
    I now hold the prayer and vision of this Blessing and Gift for my soul mate to enter my life all in perfect divine timing!
    I give thanks now as I KNOW AND TRUST in You and Your Blessings.

    Mother, Father, GOD, I stand in Faith KNOWING this Prayer right now is bringing my soul mate into my life.
    I stand in FAITH as I remember that to have faith inside my heart, is sufficient to manifest MIRACLES and Your Blessings.
    I thank you now Beloved God Creator for all the Blessings I have received and for the Blessings yet to come!

    AND SO IT IS……..AMEN

  14. Veronica-56352 June 27, 2012 Reply

    My best friend is getting married in October! I am thrilled and so happy for her! How could I be jealous?! She found a wonderful guy and she deserves the very best! She has waited for that special someone for a long time! I couldn’t be happier for the both of them!
    I do wonder if my time will come one day, but jealousy? NO WAY!
    Trusting in Jesus, Veronica

  15. Jessica R. September 6, 2012 Reply

    I have been blessed to find my Prince Charming nearly 3 years ago but now I hope and pray that one day he will “pop the big question” and we can finally have a life together. Our situation is a little different from the average (I am almost 30 and he’s 53 and I’m Catholic and he’s Protestant) plus his life is not in a stable enough place right now but he does want to settle down and I keep praying fervently every day that things will work out. I believe you can find love at any age. Keep praying my friends and God WILL answer you on His time.

Post a comment