A Widower’s Struggle


Single seniors: Many widows & widowers belong to CatholicMatch.com

I could hear the pain in his voice.

Returning to the dating pool at age 71 after a 42-year marriage hadn’t been easy. On him or on his four adult children.

“I had problems with my kids,” he told me. “We went to counseling. It was really rough at the beginning. They were doing everything they could to steer me in a different direction.”

But 18 months after his wife’s death from cancer, he was lonely. His late wife knew he would be. “She talked to some of her friends and said if something ever happened to her, she knew that I would need someone in my life again.”

He had hoped to disprove her.

“I would say, ‘I’ll never get married. There won’t be anybody else.’ But all of a sudden reality sets in. And the kids would say, ‘Well, you gotta keep yourself busy.’ But it’s no fun being the fifth wheel. And you can be as busy as you want all day long, but when you come home, you’re coming home to an empty house. There’s nobody to share things with.”

Signing up for CatholicMatch felt strange. “The whole thing was a different world for me.”

Being single felt strange in general. “At this time in your life, you don’t expect to be in this situation.”

But it was time for a leap of faith. And it sure beat blind dates or the bar scene.

He found in CatholicMatch a community, a sense of connection. “It was great to see there were other widowed Catholics out there.”

He has spoken to a few women on the phone. Grounded, faith-filled women who prayed with him during their conversations. Spiritually, being on CatholicMatch has had a strong impact, he said.

And though the road isn’t easy, he believes he’s on the right path, that God is guiding him and, when the time is right, will send him a special companion.






12 Comments

  1. Lisa Duffy
    Lisa Duffy July 3, 2012 Reply

    The loss of a loved one is so difficult. Thank you for sharing the story.

    - Lisa

  2. Mary-853373 July 3, 2012 Reply

    I kind of know how you feel because I am sort in the same predicament. The marriage togetherness is missed very much even though I try to keep very busy

  3. Linda-666928 July 4, 2012 Reply

    I BELIEVE THAT GOD DOES NOT WANT THE WIDOW remarry, SO LISTEN THAT THE PRIEST, I THINK YOU SHOULD KEEP YOUR LOVE TO BE LOVED reunited IN HEAVEN, AND LOAD YOUR CROSS, THAT DID MY GRANDPARENTS, THE GOD’S PLAN IS THAT YOU reunited with his dead.

    POST YOUR CROSS, THAT SERVES TO SAVE SOULS, THE SUFFERING THE DA GOD TO SAVE OTHERS.

    MAYBE HIS CROSS IS FOR OFRECERCEL GOD FOR NOT HAVING FOOD., WARS., ETC.

    SO IF YOU WANT YOUR WIFE, AND IF YOU CAN NOT LEAVE IS BETTER REMEMBER THAT EVERY DAY, and reunite in heaven.

    • Stephen-725391 July 16, 2012 Reply

      Sorry, There are at least 2 and maybe a third Gospel citation that specifically states that marriage ends at death and there is NO reuniting with a dead spouse except as described by Christ himself.

  4. Karen-854278 July 13, 2012 Reply

    The marriage vows state “til death do us part” … his wife’s death parted them and I can understand how much this man desires companionship after having it for such a long time. I wish him well, it does get harder to meet a suitable partner as we get older, but it certainly isn’t impossible. Life is better shared. Good luck to him.

  5. Anne-702606 July 15, 2012 Reply

    This is a story which involves almost all widows and widowers. It is not easy for anyone who has lost his or her loved one. The Holy Bible in the book of Isaiah Chapter 54 has an answer for us. As long as you pray for everything you need, as it is written in Jeremiah Chapter 29 from verse 11-14 God will open a way for you. I have been in the same situation though i have not found my partner yet, all those years i have been praying and still praying that God will direct me to the right person. Lets not lock ourselves up by being busy because you will not work for 24 hours at the end of the day, you will still have to go home and the same memories will linger in your mind. Whatever age we could be i believe and i have faith and confidence our
    God is a faithful Father, and He will guide us to the right partner.

    Be blessed and try to move on with your life as your children are advising you.

    Anne
    From Kenya

  6. Erlina-853398 July 21, 2012 Reply

    I understand how it feels im in thesame shoes , Life is not easy to be alone I try to keep busy myself once you come there is emptyness and you look to that someone and its sad because its not there no more.Just containue praying God do miracles .

  7. Stephen S. September 10, 2013 Reply

    This is spot on…my dear wife “left” July 2012 and till this day I just cannot catch up with the idea that I will one day touch another woman’s shoulder — but my shoulder pretty wishes to be touched! I am aware that she would not wish to see me suffer nor sin…and so, I have opened up my arms as I look up to God, with her intercession, to give me a companion to share stories, worries, cries, smiles, laughs and even pain as we used with Maria!!! For the kingdom, power and glory are all yours for ever and ever, AMEN!!!

  8. Danny-1047847 January 27, 2014 Reply

    Same story , lost my wife of 35 years Feb. 26 2011, with ovarian cancer. Still sad and miss her dearly, with four ground children and two grand daughter’s you would think a person wouldn’t be lonely , but I really miss having that special person to share everthing with.
    I’ve turned it over to my Father and Mother Mary in Heaven , I believe if they wish me to find a new love it will happen.

  9. Edward-1003564 January 27, 2014 Reply

    Same story , lost my wife of 48 years, liver cancer… I also really miss having that special person to share everything with. Every time I think of her I start to panic ,and lose control and cry..

  10. Leon-1060519 February 13, 2014 Reply

    i lost wife of 46 years six months ago and live in total misery. Kids live far away, very few local friends and church only comfort. fear the night when i go to bed for i miss her so much.
    i really miss her sharing our life and know non can fill her life. so hopefully with prayers i have turn my life to the Lord, Mother Mary and my wife to guide me to new partner to start a new life when i am ready it will happen.

  11. Sherrill-anne-13557 August 13, 2014 Reply

    Wow I had the same conversation with my late husband.It’s amazing how our late spouses’ recognise our need to be with someone.

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