The Mystery of Being Single & God’s Perfect Timing


Why Am I Still Single?

Waiting for the right one to come along can be pretty frustrating, especially if you’re 35 or older. Aging and being single brings up a barrage of worries and concerns that can lead to doubt about whether or not God is actually listening to your prayers.

 
What happens if I’m too selfish and set in my ways by the time I meet someone?
What if I can’t have children?
Who will care for me if I get sick? Who will pay the bills?
Why do I have to carry all my crosses alone? I need someone to lean on!
 
These are all natural responses to the fear of being single and they are totally understandable. In fact, I asked myself the same questions during the seven years between my divorce and the time I met my husband. I can certainly commiserate with you on that.
 
I always liken this period of life to the story in the gospel of Mark (Mk 4: 35-41) where the apostles are caught on the Sea of Galilee in a huge storm, believing they will die, and are incredulous that Jesus is asleep during the entire event.
 
Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” they ask, shaking Him frantically. After He calms the storm, Jesus turns to them and says, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?
 
Ouch!
 
So the bottom line is God wants you to trust Him and discern His plan for your life as you live it, even when you think things look bleak. You may say, “I know, but that doesn’t help me.” As a matter of fact, I recently received a response to one of my articles from a Catholic Match member, Stephen 725391, who asked a great question about this issue. He wrote:
 
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard/read/seen this and I know from my life, I don’t wake up in the morning with little notes from God/Jesus/Holy Ghost on the nightstand concerning this “discern the truth”. I am sure that others on CM and those reading this article are wondering what that looks like in practical terms.
 
Thanks, Stephen, and here is my suggestion in that regard: No, we don’t wake up in the morning with God’s schedule of timing and events downloaded to our Outlook or iCal account. And, He doesn’t really give us written directions on how to do something or give us direct answers right away about how has He answered our requests. But yes… He actually does do many of those things, and you can find those little notes and hints if you have a “supernatural” attitude.
 
A supernatural attitude is not the same as a positive attitude. A positive attitude is simply you, trying to pump yourself up. That get’s old because you are relying solely on yourself to remain positive. 
 
A supernatural attitude is understanding, acknowledging, and accepting that everything in your day from the time you woke up to the time you went to sleep either came from the hand of God, or God allowed it to happen. If you view your existence in this manner you begin to understand that God’s timing and purpose for what you are going through now is intentional. You may feel you are ready to meet someone, but, are you really? Could it be that you still have some work to do on yourself before God introduces you to the right one? Could it be that your impatience is rooted in something deeper about you that you need to change? Could it be that the pain of being lonely right now is something that would benefit a soul in Purgatory if you offered it up?
 
Look for little hints that He leaves in the form of things people say to you, homilies you hear, scriptures you read, situations that resulted because of mistakes or mishaps, people that just walk into your life unexpectedly. What is God trying to tell you? 
 
 
But the ultimate supernatural attitude says, “Here I am, Lord, I come to do your will.” So: 
 
  • Believe that God is acting in your life and knows the desires of your heart
  • Pray for your future spouse
  • Be active and do the social things that will put you in the right setting to meet someone and then, 
  • Leave the rest to God. Let Him give you peace that you are doing His will and the rest will unfold in His perfect time.
 
Then, prepare to be happily surprised!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 





29 Comments

  1. Elizabeth-641947 July 10, 2012 Reply

    Thank you Lisa for answering Stephen’s question so clearly and with such wisdom. Your blog has helped me and I’m sure countless others on Catholic Match as well. God bless you and keep up the good work!
    Elizabeth

  2. Claudia-635473 July 10, 2012 Reply

    I do believed that everything is set by it’s own time, what we need to do is patience . I experience the perfect timing lately. Just wanted to share with u guy’s my experience in this site. I sign up CM last year and 8 months ago if I’m not mistaken. But, i am not a fully member of this cite. So i leaved it as is and sign up another site which is comfortable and free. When i received some messages from fully member guy’s of course i couldn’t read and reply either, so by the next month i try to purchased the subscription but when i went to the bank they told me that the don’t sell check in USD so i went home and sad. So i said to my self the site is not for me. I try to contact the CM management asking them if they will accept money transfer and the replied no. Since then I’m totally prostrated and even ask God why you didn’t allow me to join this site in fact i can afford to buy a subscription. Month, weeks, days, time and minutes passes by but i never heard any sign from God. So i give up and even never think about this site again. Until one day i got some messages send to my email account and I force my self to open the credit VISA USD card and on that time itself i became a fully member of this site. It’s memorable day for me July 5, 2012 on that day i felt the right timing. Just learn to be patience because God is working for it…

  3. Steve-871054 July 11, 2012 Reply

    Thank you for your post Lisa. I have thought many of the same things about what God’s plan is for me. Maybe at this point in my life it is not about me. I firmly believe God puts the right people in our lives at the right times.

  4. Carlos-876737 July 11, 2012 Reply

    Thank you Lisa for your article. While I have to admit I’m getting tired of this lecturing while I see other realities in my life, I have no other choice but to be in accordance with what you wrote, or a t least some of it. On a more pragmatical side, I think that this generation will see the greatest number of singles in the history of mankind. The question is whether or not that’s God’s will or our own selfishness? I would have liked for you to give it more thought on that. Don’t get me wrong your article is well gorunded, and your style of writing is beautiful, but I sensed a lack of shading in the process.

    I don’t want to spoil your great article. I see a lot of people excited by what you wrote so I’ll stop here.

    • Lisa-727959 July 12, 2012 Reply

      Carlos – I understand what you are saying and believe your process of questioning the single life is a viable one and good for discussion. I will consider the important point you bring up for a future post.

      I try to tackle as much as I can in a brief and succinct article, but oftentimes, more needs to be discussed, and I am so glad to have everyone’s comments to help me reach beyond what I’ve written. Thanks and God bless you!

      – Lisa

      • Stephen-725391 July 14, 2012 Reply

        Lisa, Some time back there was a blog article here on CM regarding a report on singles in the Catholic church. There was a note at the bottom concerning getting a copy (hard or electronic). I have followed up on this and the first time it was replied to. This last time it just has gone unanswered. Do you think you could use your clot and find out WHERE we who are single and WANT to remain in the Church can get this report? Thanks, Stephen

  5. Mari-611004 July 11, 2012 Reply

    Thanks Lisa! I like the term “supernatural” attitude.

  6. Maria-61128 July 12, 2012 Reply

    All i can say is…..Amen. :)

  7. Marita-847688 July 13, 2012 Reply

    I also like the term “supernatural attitude” because it’s sometimes very hard to have a positive attitude. It’s hard to understand why God gives some people their soul mate at 19 or 20 and others in their 40s. Am I doing something wrong? So it seems like what you are saying is that people who get married young are the ones who have their act together and the ones who get married later in life are not fully ready emotionally and spiritually until they get married. I feel like I’m behind. I do try to be grateful, though, and I will offer it up for the souls in purgatory. How does one know if God wills it for them to be married and not single for the rest of their life. I’m fairly confident that I don’t want to join the convent. I desire to be married and have someone by my side.

  8. Marita-847688 July 13, 2012 Reply

    I feel like as the years go by I am missing out on my chance.

    • Stephen-725391 July 13, 2012 Reply

      Marita, You have got to ACT. To describe that below is a recent Daily Inspiration from DivorcedCatholics.com which was founded by Lisa Duffy and Vince Freese (hope I Spelled that right). When you read it, access what you are DOING to find the one you are seeking which is best described by this said by somebody famous – “Pray as if everything depends on God; Work as if everything depends on YOU! Good Luck in finding that person. Stephen

      Coworker

      Your daily Journey of Hope message for Monday, July 9, 2012.

      I vividly remember getting the call from my divorce attorney telling me that my spouse was seeking full custody of our children. That shook me to my core and threw me into full-on crisis mode. I did not want to lose my children! Like any good Catholic I began to storm heaven with my many prayers begging God to help me. And pray I did. I prayed rosaries, novenas, devotionals, everything I could think of. In my mind the more I prayed the better. Surely, I thought, praying all four mysteries of the rosary was better than just the daily mystery. And, a Divine Mercy chaplet morning, noon, and night was better than just one. And so this went on for several weeks. Then, one day my attorney called. He asked me if I had put together the affidavits from my witnesses testifying to my ability to parent my children. I was now even more panicked. While I had been praying like crazy, I had failed to do much else.

      When we are in crisis it is typical for us to fall on our knees and beg for God’s help. Most of us, me included, are not bashful to ask God for help. We are filled with hope that God will miraculously come to our rescue and put an end to our misery. But prayer is only half of the equation. God wants us to put our faith into action. We must pray and act. Certainly, pray is an essential ingredient to living our life of faith, yet, God gave us free will and many talents to use in conjunction with our prayers. We are coworkers with Christ working together to fulfill His plan. So, if you are feeling overwhelmed, in crisis, or downright frustrated, keep praying, but be sure you are getting busy working on your problems, too. Jesus is a faithful partner who will magnify all your efforts and make them bear fruit.

      You see that faith was active along with his works, and faith was competed by the works. – James 2:22

      Daily Journey of Hope messages are brought to you by DivorcedCatholic.org.

      For more resources visit DivorcedCatholic.org.
      Copyright 2012, Journey of Hope Productions Corporation

  9. Cyntia-845600 July 14, 2012 Reply

    I loved this! Thank you so much! I leave my life in God’s hands; He knows what He’s doing! For now, I’m just enjoying my single life and doing my best, with God’s help, to be a better person every day.
    God bless!

  10. Cyntia-845600 July 14, 2012 Reply

    oh and keep up the good work! I know a lot of people would really appreciate it!

  11. Francisco-687803 July 15, 2012 Reply

    Loved the article. Made clear some priorities in my life right now that I have to take care of before I even think of looking for a soulmate.

  12. Bradley-266389 July 15, 2012 Reply

    This is good stuff! I must say I find the differentiation between ‘positive’ and ‘supernatural’ attitudes to be refreshing, because it emphasizes what we have that the secular world does not. Secularly, positivity is praised; the same positivity that we get sick of. Then, those people who *do* get sick of putting forth that positivity are derided as “not being strong enough”, which contradicts a fundamental teaching of the Church that we need not be strong enough, but weak enough, that we may accept the grace we need to be saints. I haven’t dated much throughout my life…I’m a fellow who might be set in his ways if (when?) the “right one” ever comes along. It’s so important that singlehood isn’t just “for those who are strong enough”. Like marriage and religious, it has its own set of crosses. (For instance…although a lovely gift in marriage, intimacy has a few aspects about it that we should be a little frightened by*). Let’s not think of singlehood as some “state of suspended animation”, or some sort of waiting room that we have to be patient through. It is a crucible to be sure; it is a tough state to be in, especially since the infrastructure of the Church hasn’t been clearly developed (yet?) to accommodate us*. Keep that supernatural attitude that helps us be shaped, and brings us towards sainthood!

    * Since I’m rambling, some inadvertent generalizations may have slipped in, which may stir controversey. I am a man of conviction, but some things I “hold on to loosely”. Those things i hold on loosely to, I welcome correction. Maybe you need to correct me on some things. If I had to guess which, the “starred” (*) things would be it.

    God bless all of you!

  13. Sal-745120 July 17, 2012 Reply

    Thanks for the article Lisa! I found it very uplifting. I will definitely practice a supernatural attitude and will look for the little hints from up above, Praying for my future spouse sounds like a great idea too. Thanks!

  14. Suzi-640265 July 18, 2012 Reply

    very nice article:) it truly helps especially to those wait:)

  15. Linda-666928 July 19, 2012 Reply

    TOO TIGHT, I’ll stick with VENEZUELAN MEN.

  16. Brenda-74660 July 24, 2012 Reply

    Very good article…. Will continue praying about my future…. :))

  17. Jim-397948 July 25, 2012 Reply

    Wrong place…Wrong Time….That I go ro one of the most beautiful churches in Northern NJ…they only problem most of the people there are married couples.

  18. Novemi-732443 July 25, 2012 Reply

    Hello Lisa! I have been on this site for a little over a year and will briefly express how disappointing it has been for me. Over and over I see so much shallowness in our so called “Catholic” men. I began to question the validity of some of their profiles. All in all, I have had two individuals expressed an interest (age 71 yrs old) without a positive outcome. As a result I began to question myself: Am I being arrogant? Do I come from Mars? What is wrong with me? It’s not as if I seeking anyone younger (my range 63-70). It appears that this male age group is reaching out to a younger generation. However, after reading your article, I found myself thanking God for what HE is doing in my life. Yes, all is in HIS time and true, we need to look out for HIS messages.. I believe I have learned a great lesson from your article. I now have a different perspective. THANK YOU LISA !!! God bless you.

    • Lisa-727959 July 26, 2012 Reply

      Thanks for your comment, Novemi and don’t give up hope! I will keep you in my prayers!

  19. Lisa-727959 July 26, 2012 Reply

    Thanks to all of you for your comments. I am so glad you found something meaningful in this article and I pray for you all everyday!

  20. Benjamin U. July 26, 2012 Reply

    as a parent, i do not want any of my children to remain single. i might even accept a single mom or dad situation. basic worry of a parent is who will love and take care of my children when they get old.

  21. Meesch-691047 July 27, 2012 Reply

    I (generally) don’t like surprises; but I don’t like to worry either.
    Lord God, you are my confidence, it is in you I trust to provide a way for me- always and forever Amen

  22. Amy-718758 July 29, 2012 Reply

    I really enjoyed reading this article. A good friend reminded me last week that I also need to live my life believing that God is enough. Although this friendly reminder stung a bit, I truly believe that this is the lesson I must learn before I am introduced to the man that God has in mind for me.

  23. Maritza-831184 July 29, 2012 Reply

    I came across this article by accident, but once I finished reading it, I realized it was no accident. It’s good be reminded that scripture is a great source of comfort even if it doesn’t feel that way sometimes.The word of God can’t be argued so it should be enough to bring peace. I love to go to adoration and read scripture because the Lord will bring clarity to my life or ask me to trust him. Even when he asks for patience I feel peace, because I know he is listening.

    Maintaining an active prayer life is the key to everything. Now I know sometimes we get discouraged because we feel he doesn’t hear us, but below is a prayer that has helped me when I have reached that point.

    PRAYER IN DISCOURAGEMENT
    My Jesus, relieve me of my discouragement. My devotion has vanished; spiritual thoughts no longer soothe my troubled soul. Even the remembrances of Your passion and of Your Blessed Mother grow dim before my vision. O Jesus, do not forsake me. Help me, help me! I am resolved not to omit a single one of my devotions. Hear me, O my God, strengthen and increase my faith. Keep me from yielding to temptation. You said, “My yoke is sweet; my burden is light.” Have mercy on me, wheresoever I turn I see only obstacles and difficulties. Were my faith strong I would accept my trials; but alas, I feel only impatience, doubt and discouragement. My soul, hold fast to Jesus. How fainthearted and childish I am! All my comfort, all my joy must come from You. Bring me closer to You when temptations assail me. Help me not to fail. O Lord, my God, I cast myself entirely into Your Hands. Worn out by the struggle, I will rest beneath Your cross; pray for me in my desolation of soul. Jesus, be merciful to me. Amen.

    Saint John Neumann

  24. Emma-880371 July 31, 2012 Reply

    Thank you Lisa, I really enjoyed reading this article ; words of wisdom! These words are cherished in my heart: “but the ultimate supernatural attitude says, “Here I am, Lord, I come to do your will.” So:

    Believe that God is acting in your life and knows the desires of your heart
    Pray for your future spouse
    Be active and do the social things that will put you in the right setting to meet someone and then,
    Leave the rest to God. Let Him give you peace that you are doing His will and the rest will unfold in His perfect time. Amen! May he continue to bless you!!

  25. Andrew-1114997 August 21, 2014 Reply

    Here’s one you probably haven’t considered: The Lord told Jeremiah not to marry in Judah, because if he did, he’d only wind up watching his wife and children die in the coming judgment that He was bringing against Judah for her sins. Well as for me, I prayed that if such a thing must happen to me, then I’d rather marry and accept that pain rather than the pain of solitude. I’d rather accept being beaten, tied up, and being forced to watch my family being martyred in front of me than being alone if those were the only two choices. I would gladly lay down my life protecting my family if the need arises, but if the worst were to happen- if the enemies of the faith were to beat me into submission, tie me up, murder my family in front of me and then deny me a martyr’s death, then so be it, for I know that they will rise again. The Lord giveth, the Lord taketh away, blessed be the Lord.

Post a comment