Waiting for the right one to come along can be pretty frustrating, especially if you’re 35 or older. Aging and being single brings up a barrage of worries and concerns that can lead to doubt about whether or not God is actually listening to your prayers.
What happens if I’m too selfish and set in my ways by the time I meet someone?
What if I can’t have children?
Who will care for me if I get sick? Who will pay the bills?
Why do I have to carry all my crosses alone? I need someone to lean on!
These are all natural responses to the fear of being single and they are totally understandable. In fact, I asked myself the same questions during the seven years between my divorce and the time I met my husband. I can certainly commiserate with you on that.
I always liken this period of life to the story in the gospel of Mark (Mk 4: 35-41
) where the apostles are caught on the Sea of Galilee in a huge storm, believing they will die, and are incredulous that Jesus is asleep during the entire event.
“Teacher, don’t you care if we drown?” they ask, shaking Him frantically. After He calms the storm, Jesus turns to them and says, “Why are you afraid? Do you still have no faith?“
So the bottom line is God wants you to trust Him and discern His plan for your life as you live it, even when you think things look bleak. You may say, “I know, but that doesn’t help me.” As a matter of fact, I recently received a response to one of my articles from a Catholic Match member, Stephen 725391, who asked a great question about this issue. He wrote:
I don’t know how many times I’ve heard/read/seen this and I know from my life, I don’t wake up in the morning with little notes from God/Jesus/Holy Ghost on the nightstand concerning this “discern the truth”. I am sure that others on CM and those reading this article are wondering what that looks like in practical terms.
Thanks, Stephen, and here is my suggestion in that regard: No, we don’t wake up in the morning with God’s schedule of timing and events downloaded to our Outlook or iCal account. And, He doesn’t really give us written directions on how to do something or give us direct answers right away about how has He answered our requests. But yes… He actually does do many of those things, and you can find those little notes and hints if you have a “supernatural” attitude.
A supernatural attitude is not the same as a positive attitude. A positive attitude is simply
you, trying to pump yourself up. That get’s old because you are relying solely on yourself to remain positive.
A supernatural attitude is understanding, acknowledging, and accepting that everything in your day from the time you woke up to the time you went to sleep either came from the hand of God, or God allowed it to happen. If you view your existence in this manner you begin to understand that God’s timing and purpose for what you are going through now is intentional. You may feel you are ready to meet someone, but, are you really? Could it be that you still have some work to do on yourself before God introduces you to the right one? Could it be that your impatience is rooted in something deeper about you that you need to change? Could it be that the pain of being lonely right now is something that would benefit a soul in Purgatory if you offered it up?
Look for little hints that He leaves in the form of things people say to you, homilies you hear, scriptures you read, situations that resulted because of mistakes or mishaps, people that just walk into your life unexpectedly. What is God trying to tell you?
But the ultimate supernatural attitude says, “Here I am, Lord, I come to do your will.” So:
- Believe that God is acting in your life and knows the desires of your heart
- Pray for your future spouse
- Be active and do the social things that will put you in the right setting to meet someone and then,
- Leave the rest to God. Let Him give you peace that you are doing His will and the rest will unfold in His perfect time.
Then, prepare to be happily surprised!