Dealing With The Loss Of Divorce


Anyone who experiences divorce knows quite well the meaning of the word “loss” because the loss takes place on so many levels. Besides the obvious loss, divorce can mean the loss of many other relationships, material possessions and self-worth. That’s when it’s time to look for something else to hold on to. The bible and all it’s spiritual food and wisdom can provide that for you.

During the times in your life when there’s not too much stress or too much negativity, it’s easy to connect with the gospel message. But when times become overwhelmingly difficult, it’s harder to really see the gospel message through the fog of your trials and connect with it in a way that makes sense to what you are going through.

A good scripture passage to embrace during divorce and times of loss is “God giveth and God taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord” (Job 1:21). This scripture says it all! When things are good and you’re happy, you should be grateful and say, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.” And when times are dark and you are suffering, trust and humility enable you to say, “Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

No matter how dark your troubles are, even with the great loss and devastation of divorce, the light of Christ is always with you and He will never place upon you a burden you cannot carry. Know that Christ allows this cross and will make you a better person for it.

The Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. Blessed be the name of the Lord (Job 1:21).

 





2 Comments

  1. Paul-929810 September 17, 2014 Reply

    Liza, I have heard that platitude many times, that Christ will never place a burden upon us that is too hard to carry – well, I can’t agree that one. When I was a young man my father, weighed down with terrible burdens and making countless novenas to St Jude, killed himself – his burden just too hard to bear. My friend next door, a ‘good Catholic’ killed himself at just 17 years old. My poor old uncle, married to a woman who was quite insane, put a shot gun in his mouth and blew the top of his head off. Another friend, crippled in an accident just could not take it any more and jumped from a multistorey carpark and slowly died on the tarmac below, and there are more.

    The loss and grief that comes from being sent to a terribly abusive Catholic boarding school run by the Irish Christian Brothers, at age 11 really set me up for failure! My marriage failed and ended in divorce – and few will experience the truly awful feelings of failure, rejection, loss, guilt, shame, grief and abandonment that such a separation can cause – did I find solace and comfort in Christ – certainly not – He was silent and totally invisible throughout my nightmare. Is He there for me now – who knows? I certainly don’t think so.

    They say that He died for us – just tell me how that might be true?

    They say that you can tell a lot about a person by the things that he makes and does. Well, God made this world and lets just look at it for one moment in a totally dispassionate and non-Catholic sort of way shall we?

    Big fish eat little fish – that’s the natural law. I feed my cat and she still kills birds, and sometimes just maims them and causes them to suffer and then I have to kill them – and we can extrapolate this pattern into all areas of creation. Pain and suffering seem the way and there’s always some sort of weird explanation about ‘the fallen nature of man’ as to why it’s not God’s plan.

    I doubt that Adam and Eve ever existed, that’s just some attempt from several thousands of years ago to try to explain just how we came to be. And as for Eve being tempted by satan and then cajoling Adam to eat of the forbidden fruit – that’s just a covert way of defining the evils of sex!

    How God made us we will never know, but He did create us and all around us – I have little doubt about it some days. Just why we would need to be redeemed I have no idea and can not understand. Either He created us and there’s a design flaw, OR as some parts of the Old Testament seem to imply, He’s not as loving a God as we are sometimes told (Psalm 88 possibly; “Why have You set my enemies against me?” – stuff like that!), Some days I feel that He’s like some sort of ‘mad professor’ who has made these ‘frankinstein’ type monsters and has wound them all up and set them to fight each other on this wild Planet and just sits back to enjoy the entertainment!

    And, anyway, even if Adam did exist (which he didn’t), why should I inherit the consequences of his disobedience? Why should I need redeeming when I, and probably the majority of ‘good people’ in this world just try our best – is that not good enough for this ‘loving god’? And although Catholic theology may have changed somewhat since I was indoctrinated by those vicious nuns some 60 years ago now (and they claimed that only ‘good’ Catholics could ever enter The Kingdom of Heaven’ and seemed to imply that only if we happened to die in a ‘state of grace’ and only if God was in a good mood that day, would we be grudgeingly allowed into a horrible state of Purgatory for a very long time first! Anyone who wasn’t a Very Good Catholic was certainly destined for an eternity in Hell!

    So – does God only allow just enough for me to cope with – nah – I don’t buy that one. Don’t want to offend you, but as for getting some sort of consolation from the foot of the cross – NO. Not one ioata. And God will continue to remain absolutely silent and absent and so very distant as to be irrelevant to every day struggles.

    I kneel at the back of the church and strike my breast and seek only for the smallest glimmer of encouragement – just that little inward sign, just a little feeling that God cares for me, that He loves me, that he is there for me – ZILCH.

    Is there a God? I really don’t know!
    Best wishes, Paul

  2. Paul-929810 September 17, 2014 Reply

    Odd isn’t it too that here I was challenging the idea of a loving god when only 2 hours ago my cat (remember the one who kills birds just for fun?) was run over by some stranger probably driving like an idiot down our lane and badly injured – Oh yes – not killed outright, but seriously damaged, broken pelvis, femurs and the rest. I have just come back from a 24 mile round trip to have her euthanased, at a cost of $340, more than 2 week’s pension and just two days before my foster daughter’s birthday. Oh yes, a foster daughter who was abandoned by both her father and then her mother and I have brought this beautiful girl up from the age of eight – she will be 24 on Monday and has just started a new job as teaching assistant after 5 months unemployment and determined job searching.

    To me, just more proof, if that is even the right word here, that the concept of a “Loving Creator God” is so very far off the mark that it’s lamentable – He’s just punished me and my innocent daughter simply because I dared to criticise his “Public Image” and expose what I currently consider a distinct reality!!!

    My challenge to anyone reading this is to show me where I am wrong, without using the usual utter rubbish – just simply prove that my current thinking is way off the mark – Oh yes and p-l-e-a-s-e don’t use that old chestnut that “Jesus died for my sins”. Jesus died because he and his message was very, very unpopular with the Jews at the time and they murdered him. Jesus died because he was murdered – just how is that anything whatsoever to do with my salvation, Especially if he made me and I am not worthy of a place in heaven – and by implication, destined to an eternity in hell, If that really is true then he made me defective as I am. Just how is it that this God, made man in Jesus, some 2,000 years ago, being murdered because of his simple message, will change the rules to such an extent that I can go to heaven now?

    Doesn’t make any sense at all!

    Paul Brann

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