6 Ways To Jumpstart Your New Life After Divorce


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Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired?

 

There came a point in my life after divorce where I felt I was stuck in the same old routine. But it wasn’t your typical, “get up, go to work, go to bed and do it all again the next day” routine. It was an emotional rut that felt like a perfectly good automobile stuck in the muddy mess of Alabama clay.

 

Ever feel like that?

 

Things had changed drastically for me at that point. I was single again, living 3,000 miles from my home, new job, new friends, etc. But for some reason, I just couldn’t get myself in gear emotionally. And that was when I realized the only one that could make the change and get me out of my rut was me.

 

So based on my experience, one that taught me a great lesson for future ruts, too, here are my top 6 suggestions for getting yourself out of your rut and moving forward toward a happier life:

 

1.     Get Rid Of Unwanted Memories

 

It was rather eye opening when I realized how much of my former marriage I was still holding on to in the form of “items.” Pictures, clothing, wine glasses, CD’s… Even though I was several years past my divorce, these things were still in my sight every day. It was almost like I closed down shop in California and just re-opened it in Connecticut without my partner. Very little had changed and it was part of the reason I felt stuck.

 

If you see this as a problem for you, maybe it’s time to replace some of those pictures with new ones, or give clothing and other memory-making items to a thrift store. Or, you can just put it in the attic or basement. But refreshing your living environment with something new is always a good idea.

 

2.     Resolve To Change The Communication Dynamic With Your Ex-Spouse

 

If you still have to be in touch with your ex-spouse and your encounters are difficult, here is something you definitely have control over. Resolve to change the way you react when things get heated. Your ex-spouse may be behaving badly, but you can defuse a volatile situation by refusing to participate in it. Remain calm. Don’t raise your voice. Don’t swear, don’t insult, don’t accuse, just finish the business and be on your way. Using this modis operendi dramatically changed the dynamic between me and my ex-spouse in a positive way. I highly recommend it.

 

3.     Attend A Silent Retreat

 

A great way to start a new chapter in life is by attending a silent retreat. Ignatian spiritual exercises are incredible experiences and I highly recommend going to one. At IgnatianSpirituality.Com, you can see locations around the United States that offer these retreats. If you’re worried that you can’t remain silent for an entire weekend, fear not. I’ve grown to hunger for the silence and solace of these retreats over the years.

 

4.     Begin The Annulment Process

 

If you haven’t, you should. You will experience healing, closure, and direction. Not only that, but the dating field on CatholicMatch will open up for you significantly once you have your decree in-hand. Just contact your pastor or visit your diocesan web page for information on how to get started.

 

5.     Try Doing The Hard Stuff

 

A priest once told me, “The harder it is to do, the more you know you need to do it.” You can’t get much more honest than that. Doing the hard things is, well, hard. But the experience of feeling personal strength and triumph that comes with overcoming the obstacle in your way is like no other. What do you need to change that is keeping you from being a better person? Ask God to give you the grace you need, and then give it your best try. You’ll be amazed at what can happen.

 

6.     Live Your Dream

 

When a divorce happens, the life you recognize is gone. Everything has changed and this can be the most difficult aspect to deal with. You didn’t want it to change (unless you were in an abusive relationship). But now, it’s irrevocably different. This is the perfect time to consider doing something you are passionate about, but had put on hold.

 

Is it writing a book? Is it changing careers? What have you been waiting to do? Personally, I believe everyone has at least one book inside them, waiting to be written. But whatever it is for you, don’t be afraid to embark on that journey.

 

I would love to hear what changes you make and how it’s affected you! You can email me at asklisa@catholicmatch.com anytime! God bless you!






5 Comments

  1. This is great advice for transforming your life after a bad relationship of any sort, especially the silent retreat :)

  2. Great advice!

    One of the things I did was burn all the photographs from the wedding … that day, there happened to be a fire in the fireplace; I kept only the pics of my family, partying … too cool! :smile:

  3. sex after divorce . Such a big subject. I have found men are conditioned to sex equates to loving them. Unfortunately they move on to the willing others ,before giving the relationship the time needed .

  4. All good points. Difficult time and certainly hard on self confidence. As per sex it is often used as a confidence builder and a comfort. Not defending it, just trying to add some light.

  5. Getting rid of items proved to be very freeing.

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