Danger: Going Too Quickly in Our Relationships


speedlimit

We are journeying step by step down the “Pathway of Love.” Let us pause to look at one of the biggest pitfalls that Catholics fall into.

In a nutshell, it is taking relations too fast. Getting emotionally involved with someone too quickly is one of the main reasons for bad breakups, poor decision making, heartbreak, regret, and even broken marriages. Understanding the nature of love and the part emotions play will allow us to navigate safely and avoid regrets.

Imagine that attraction, feelings, and emotions are like a car engine. The more powerful they are, the more you step on the gas pedal. The harder you step on the gas pedal, the faster you go, and the faster you go the more thrilling the ride is. Driving fast can be exhilarating, but there is also more danger of getting into an accident.

It is the same with a relationship. The faster you go, the more possibility there is of getting hurt.

You probably know what it’s like to meet someone who you click with right away. You talk for hours, laugh freely, have a lot in common, and everything seems perfect! Your emotions are taking you into the clouds with excitement. This is natural.

The problem is when we don’t give ourselves enough time to come down from Cloud 9 and go back to reality. The added problem comes when we see or talk to our significant other every waking moment.

Many people mistakenly believe that this is the sign of a good relationship, when in fact, it’s a sign of a dangerous relationship. You can know everything about a person without actually knowing a person. Knowing someone for who they really are takes time.

 

Getting Emotionally Invested Too Soon

One of the greatest dangers in a relationship is getting emotionally invested too soon. Women often have more of a tendency toward this because their hearts are so beautiful and willing to give so generously. It’s why they often get let down and hurt more too.

This certainly goes both ways, but when a relationship is driven by passion or emotion, there is a great tendency to give our hearts away too quickly instead of opening them up prudently over time. 

True love is like a rose. It blooms very slowly, and it needs time to be watered, nourished, and cared for.  Thus, it is so important to journey down the pathway of love slowly, hand in hand, enjoying each other, enjoying the beautiful scenery the path has to offer, and learning the lessons necessary to build the solid foundation of marriage

Going too fast in relationships blinds you and clouds your judgment. It is this right judgment that is so desperately needed to help you see whether the person you are with is actually the person they are and not who we want them to be. 

Is your significant other really strong, capable and trustworthy enough to bear the enormous weight of your delicate love and trust? Or will your heart be dropped and shattered in disillusionment?

Rushing down the path headlong in excited passion and skipping the necessary steps of love will stunt your relationship’s true growth and create a frail foundation.

Passion rushes. Love does not.

Much time is needed to build a solid and mature friendship that will last a lifetime and weather all of the storms to come. 






17 Comments

  1. So true! Made this mistake several times. Not anymore!

    King Solomon said : “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23 It is wise and healthy to give one’s heart slowly. A couple might click right off the bat, but that isn’t going to make a marriage strong when things get rough. It is going to be the friendship they slowly develop over time. :0)

  2. This may be a relevant quote: “Real love” – “This kind of love is emotional in nature but not obsessional. It is a love that unites reason and emotion. It involves an act of the will and requires discipline, and it recognizes the need for personal growth.”
    ― Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate

  3. Indeed it is so true, GOOD RESPECFUL love takes it’s sweet time and it should, I love the book and I love listening to Gary Chapman, I lisen to WAVA. 105.1 fm and they often have Gary talk about the book , I love the discations about The Five LOVE Languages.
    Ps. I had a friend that did not waned to take the time to get to know one another and I feel so sorry/sad about it, it is so worth it , ONE MUST TAKE IT SLOW…REMEMER GOODTHINGS COME IN SMALL PACKAGES.

    STAY IN GOD’S GRACE

    • Marie, thanks for the WAVA 105.1 station. Now I have a second Catholic station to listen to on the IHeartRadio app.

  4. I disagree with this. Emotions are a good and healthy part of building a life-long connection. There’s is nothing wrong with taking time to get to know someone if you need it, but other people know right away. Most of my friends who are happily married or are in happy, committed, Catholic relationships leading towards marriage fell in love quickly after meeting.

    I think a fear of emotion is a sign of immaturity, and something that a person should work out before dating at all. Emotions are good, healthy and natural, and trying to suppress them will only lead to further problems.

    • Hurray for You Livia, I proposed to my wife 4 weeks after we met! We were married 27 yrs before she died. The article assumes all fasts are alike. And the friendship building should NEVER stop. Fast doesn’t have to mean blind.The romance and the practical must go hand in hand, not one then the other. During my marriage our relationship grew as we spent life together sometimes fast sometimes slow.Honesty to yourselves and each other is the key.

      • Daniel, I believe that your relationship worked was because both of you had learned from past relationships and you knew what you wanted in marriage.

  5. Maybe it’s Both/And – yes, we need to recognize we are emotional beings AND yes, we need to moderate how those emotions effect our actions. Getting past the intial WHOOSH of attraction is difficult but we are free, self-governing people who can master these things. Enjoying the development of the friendship is beautiful and necessary and enjoyable.

    But I have to wonder if, in response to this blog post, we have a sharp drop in messaging for a few days??? LOL!

  6. Great article! I try to be wise about these things. When a man and a woman like each other, it’s hard not to be on cloud nine. However, I try to remember to come down to earth. Being a good catholic helps me. I’m so glad I follow my good catholic up bringing. Esther

  7. I think much of what this article says is true. Pacing is especially difficult in the early phase of dating someone (the part before you agree not to see other people). Too many men want to prolong this phase (even letting it last 3-4 months) but still proceed in many ways as though they were in a more serious relationship, even expecting total emotional transparency from the woman. That’s putting the cart before the horse (not to mention failing to protect the woman’s heart, which a man should be doing) and I have seen it over and over again. I agree with taking things slowly, but the slowness needs to be on all levels – both the “official” phase of the relationship and the level of disclosure. If you say you’re moving slowly, you need to also act like it!

  8. Great article and very informative!! Thanks.

  9. I do like this article: Attraction , desire, goodwill and marriage these I was told are the four phases of love.

  10. I thought this article was very informative & helpful.
    When I met my former husband, we were caught up in the “love at first sight” syndrome. I often thought after we married that if we had taken our time getting to know each other & developing a true friendship first, we might have changed our minds. However, our marriage did produce 3 fine sons & did have some happy, connected moments over 25+ years.
    Someone suggested dating through the 4 seasons before making a commitment.
    I liked the phrase “bearing the enormous weight of your delicate love & trust.”

  11. Andy-896770 April 22, 2013

    Um, can someone please answer a few questions for me? I have always believed in going slow and thought I was going slow but maybe I haven’t really been. I have been at times too emotionally involved in a friendship wishing it could be more and yet didn’t think I was rushing it because I would wait a whole year to actually ask her out. Was I in this situation still going too fast? If I was then how could I have prevented it? The above article is great, but it doesn’t list any practical steps to take. What does it mean to go slow? What specific steps must one take?

  12. I’m obviously a man and I’m a man who has done this in the past. Jumped into a relationship and “fallen in love” including with my marriage, we didn’t even know each other before I proposed, which ended in divorce. The idea of falling in love over night is an illusion and frequently leads to heart break. At least that always been my experience.

  13. One thing that I’ve learned in life is that there is no “love at first sight.” There’s infatuation or lust at first site and it never lasts, ever. It’s a lie and having acted on it in the past, I can say has always been a bad decision. I could have saved myself a ton of heartache had I used my head and not my “heart.”

  14. Muy acertado este articulo.
    Dios tiene el tiempo perfecto para todo, es por eso que como Cristianos estamos llamados a pedirle al Espiritu Santo de Dios disernimiento, paz y cautela en cada una de nuestras acciones, esto con el objetivo de no caer en errores y en emosiones desenfrenadas.
    Dios es un Dios de orden, toda relacion debe ir paso a paso, sin prisa hasta llegar a la meta.

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