Do All Guys Think of Only One Thing?


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My wife and I started getting free issues of the popular women’s magazine, Glamour. I usually just toss it in the recycling bin, but a cover line from the latest issue caught my eye.

In one of the featured articles, three men writers were answering various questions from women. While, they all gave pitiful answers, one stood out in particular. A 30-year-old married man stated, “Every day, every guy, from when he wakes up to when he goes to sleep, is thinking, How can I get laid?”

Upon reading this, I blurted out in shock, “Are you kidding me? Seriously?”

Talk about a high school mentality. Talk about a gross over-generalization. I believe it’s more accurate to say that he thinks about this day and night, but that doesn’t mean all men do. His hormones may be raging, but that doesn’t mean the hormones of all men are out of control.

In another question on the same page, one wife asked if her husband was thinking about her during his masturbation. The same guy answered; “Most of the time, no. Sometimes, yes. But, really, no. … You have to masturbate. If I couldn’t, I’d be, like, a crazy person with a machete.”

First, I apologize to all the ladies who have to be subject to this man’s answers, which I find it degrading and ungentlemanly. He has a completely self-centered attitude that doesn’t take into consideration the feelings of his wife or other women. It’s all and only about him. The truth be told: this is a married man who should not be thinking of other women in that way, virtual or otherwise. 

I don’t think about how to “get laid” every waking moment — or at all for that matter. I also don’t look at pornography, watch sexually perverted movies, or masturbate, and here’s a kicker; I don’t feel like I’m going to “explode” either.

Why, you may ask? 

Partly, because I possess a healthy view of sexuality and understand its purpose, meaning and its relation to true love. Additionally, I have a real relationship with a real woman. Moreover, I have worked hard to overcome the power of sexual urges, so that I am in control of them and not the other way around. In this sex-saturated culture where half-dressed women adorn billboards, TV commercials, magazines and more, I need to fight daily to retain that mastery.

Take a lesson from a spoiled child who gorges himself on everything he desires. When a parent tells him no, what happens? The child throws a temper tantrum until he gets what he wants.

Likewise, the same can be said for the man answering these questions who has become a slave to his own masturbation and sexual desires. Hence, the writer’s machete analogy — because he’s never told himself No! He has never sought to say no to lust and yes to love, and he confuses the two.

He may blame it on his “needs” as a man, but that is a lame excuse, a shallow justification. It is not a need, but a slavery. Water and sleep are needs, not sexual relief. As long as he is not in control of himself or his own passions, he is not free to love or to make love work. 

All men (and women too) need to be in control of their sexual passions and desires and not be controlled by them. This takes never-ending hard work and dedication, but with the Lord Jesus who conquered all the powers of hell, it is certainly possible. And, for the sake of women in our lives, present or future, we must rise up like William Wallace and fight endlessly to make self-control and freedom a reality.

Every woman desires to be #1 in a man’s life. She wants to be desired and cherished above all other women. That is how a woman’s heart is made. But, how can she be #1, or feel cherished or validated, when a man is addicted to pornography, masturbates, and has hundreds of other virtual playmates at the drop of a hat. 

I am far from perfect, but I fight everyday to remain pure in a sex-saturated world. It’s difficult, but not impossible, and I gladly sacrifice all other women, real and virtual, out of love for my wife who is my #1.






32 Comments

  1. Brigitta-923334 April 26, 2013 Reply

    Wow. I am impressed by your opinions and very much like your last few lines. I’ve always wondered how men think (and I suppose they wonder about women’s thoughts!)… I’m glad to hear that men can actually control themselves if they choose to.

    I am really quite concerned about the next generation and how they will deal with temptation. My son is growing up in a world that is increasingly getting worse! I have to constantly shield his eyes or turn a CHILDREN’S program off the tv, because it has adult ads throughout.

    God help us. Sometimes I want to become a hermit.

    • Amanda-818043 April 29, 2013 Reply

      I would REFUSE to date a guy that had the mentality of the guy in the article of that magazine. That, sadly so is the typical guy that tends to ask me out and as I`m seeing, other girls around me. I`d rather be single, than put up with a guy that has a womanizing problem who is selfish and only concerned about themself. Life isn`t all about sex, and if a guy thinks it is, he`s gonna be in for a rude awakening. In the end, they only shoot themselves in the foot acting this way though, because the more they lose control and allow themselves to watch porn or cheat or whatever else, they lose the trust of the woman and they just end up being alone. Hope it`s fun guys. In the end, you can choose women on the internet that aren`t in your real life or you can choose a faithful women that will support you and stay by your side in REAL life. When guys watch these movies they think women are literally just good for sex. You better check yourself, because that isn`t real. Women often blame themselves like Oh, I`m not good enough, he`s looking at other women, this is not true, the guy simply wants a variety of women: the idea is, one women isn`t enough, no matter how attractive. One day a brunette, one day a blonde, one a red head, etc. This is NOT the type of guy you want to be with. I`m realizing that more and more every day. Of course guys have issues controlling their thoughts at times and that`s normal, but they should work on that, and continue to pray and keep God in their life to get a healthy view of sexuality and what God intended it to be. In the end, a girl likes to hear they are pretty or attractive from a guy, but it means nothing if they cheat on you or look at porn when they are with you, don`t even waste a girl`s time with that. Girls cannot be fooled by compliments and go out with someone just because they like attention. That person needs to earn their way into a girl`s life, not just by cheap compliments. So the guy in the article that found the guy to be ridiculous is spot on, and I give major props to him, because he recongizes his struggle, but doesn`t give into it. That`s a man, the guy in the magazine is acting like an immature little boy that needs some major growing up to and honestly therapy as well. These magazines portray at his normal and healthy for a guy to watch porn and look at other women, and it`s no big deal and that`s “just how guys are” but that`s not the truth. Guys need to figure out a way to control themselves, period. They will suffer because of it, in the end, if they don`t wise up.

      • Bob-59786 April 29, 2013 Reply

        You have your stuff together Amanda. Quite a few people, men and women, need to read that. Have a good week.

  2. Colleen-950846 April 26, 2013 Reply

    Wow! This is awesome! I’ve certainly bought into what the typical guy is constantly thinking. But Bryan, God has given you the graces to rise above base desires. You put hope into the hearts of women and make us hate men less.

    • Richard-595743 April 27, 2013 Reply

      You write that “you put hope into the hearts of women and make us hate men less.” You ought not and cannot speak for all women by using the first person plural in this way. You should correct your post and write, “and make ME hate men less.” Then, following your correction, it would be appropriate to issue an apology to the rest of womankind, at least the women on this site, for presuming to speak for them and their generally feelings about men.

    • Bob-945720 April 29, 2013 Reply

      I think Colleen was correct in how she made her statement. I took it that Bryan’s article was giving to women collectively more hope and help women collectively hate men less. Colleen cannot speak for every women, but her voice does speak for many women. Bryan was right to correct the 30-year-old who spoke for “every man;” however, the 30-year-old would have been right to say “men spend a lot of time” as he described because many do (sadly).

  3. Sue-906387 April 26, 2013 Reply

    Way to go! Thanks Bryan, awesome article!!!

  4. Maggie-918313 April 26, 2013 Reply

    Excellent article! Thank you. Sometimes it’s difficult to remember that men are not “all alike”. Thank God I have so many examples of good men in my life–brothers, brothers-in-law, friends and husbands of friends, who show me this daily.

    I know you’re out there, good men!

  5. Roy-964611 April 26, 2013 Reply

    The truth is, that guy is lying – not even he spends all his time thinking about “getting laid”. It’s reverse hyposcrisy, virtue paying tribute to vice by pretending to be worse than it actually is.

    Though he’s plenty bad enough, somehow this guy’s determination to say things that can’t possibly be true is even more pathetic. If somebody gives in to raging lust, that’s bad. When he doesn’t actually feel raging lust all the time, but wishes he did (because that would be ‘cool’) and goes around trying to make people think he does, it’s even worse. It’s like people who take Viagra in order to commit adultery. What the hay? Cheating on your wife due to urges you don’t even actually have?

    First step to overcoming disordered inclinations is to stop pretending they are worse than they actually are.

    Anyway, aside from the ranting, I agree with everything else you said, and good job fighting the good fight.

    • Justin-32820 April 26, 2013 Reply

      Yeah, the whole 24/7 thing kinda makes me chuckle…..like how does he get dressed in the morning?

      Really though, this is more about a mentality that some, but not most men fall into. A mentality were everything you do is about getting laid and i think it’s as much about gratifying one’s ego more then it is about satisfying an urge .

  6. Michael-780154 April 26, 2013 Reply

    Ah, the oversexualization of women and the diminishment of men by turning us all into creatures who cannot suppress our drive for sex… What a sad statement about our society…

  7. Bob-59786 April 26, 2013 Reply

    Read year 2013 sexuality articles from “The American Dream”. Looks like there’s not much “love” from sexuality.

  8. Michael-949579 April 26, 2013 Reply

    Manly men makes me think of King David and St. Joseph as good role models. Since Mr. George W. Bush said on TV if he found an openly homosexual man, he would like him to work for him; I conclude that much is best left to the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I did okay today. One day at a time. I saw the Irish Pioneer Association for total abstinence today. Venerable Matt Talbot. King David did stand up for women, so to speak.

    • Terry L. April 29, 2013 Reply

      Excellent writing, Bryan! So many of us forget that God gave us freedom–and how much power is in that freedom! God bless you.

  9. Patrick-955401 April 26, 2013 Reply

    Interesting column, but I don’t think it went deep enough. Many men and women struggle with masturbation and feel deep shame about not being “in control” of their sexual urges.

    Many people struggle with masturbation, not because they are bad, sick, perverted, etc., but because they use the release of masturbation to relieve themselves of feelings of anxiety, loss, hopelessness, anger, etc. When a person who is otherwise sensitive, healthy, and of good will, falls into a habitual pattern of masturbation, they should ask themselves if and why they are feeling anxious, lost, angry, distressed, etc. There is usually an underlying emotional wound or distress that triggers the compulsion to masturbate. Looking for a deeper cause of the impulse to masturbate is one way to interrupt the cycle that leads to it.
    The Catholic Church is right in what it teaches about the subject, but those who don’t struggle with it should not look down on those who do. Rather, they should look with eyes of wisdom for the hurt that is behind the impulse.
    Patrick

  10. David-629572 April 26, 2013 Reply

    Very thoughtful comment, Patrick. And equally true of any number of other compulsive and self-destructive behaviors.

  11. Pedyne-248823 April 27, 2013 Reply

    Really awesome article, thank you. I really did buy into the notion that most men (literally the majority) felt that way. Patrick, thank you too for your input. Well said.

  12. Jennifer-939674 April 27, 2013 Reply

    I can honestly say, talking with people on CM and reading these posts, I will not accept the excuse from people that sex is just natural. People use that as an excuse and I have spoken with some honorable good men…. I know that good moral people are still around and I pray our values will spread again to society…

  13. Ronnie-965963 April 27, 2013 Reply

    Bravo for the article and everyone’s comments. Ive known both sexes who have upheld that stereotype in men’s sexuality. And I agree, it’s just an excuse for something else, a spiritual malady at it’s root manifesting in desire for sexual gratification.

  14. Nicholas-915559 April 27, 2013 Reply

    I actually respect the writer from Glamour for being honest. Men always want what they cannot have and women are guilty as well.. The real question is if your significant other is complacent in there relationship?

  15. Meg-920823 April 27, 2013 Reply

    This is an excellent article and explains well the slavery of sex addiction. Many dioceses have twelve step programs to help men and women alike break this. (30% are women.) Studies have shown that porn and masturbation can actually become ten times more psychologically addictive than cocaine. It is a slippery slope that can lead one deeper into a maze taking him/her further and further from God’s plan for love with a real person. It is said to be in epidemic proportions in the U.S. and is a huge contributor to broken marriages. Here is the story of one couple whose marriage did survive and now they help others.
    http://www.tobinstitute.org/page.asp?contentID=115

  16. Meg-920823 April 27, 2013 Reply

    And a second web site with more info: http://www.loveisfaithful.com/

  17. Naomi-825244 April 27, 2013 Reply

    A masterful article. Well said, sir.

    • Sarah-356123 April 27, 2013 Reply

      Couldn’t agree with you more! This is something that needs to be addressed. Too many people just accept these kinds of articles in these magazines as the “norm,” when really, it’s just a sad excuse for us not living up to the people we’re called to be. Bravo!

  18. MaryBeth-278310 April 27, 2013 Reply

    Great article — thanks!!

  19. Patrick-341178 April 28, 2013 Reply

    Although I think the author make some valid points, he is a married man – so in all likelihood, a proper place to express his sexuality. If you are in a marriage and have to turn to things like masturbation and pornography, there is obviously something wrong.

    It is much tougher when you are single – especially for single men. No, that doesn’t excuse sexual activitiy by singles, but what need are more singles discussing there own celibate lives, as I think that has more relevance, in all due respect, than marrieds discussing the same topic.

    • James-680227 April 28, 2013 Reply

      you are right that it may be more difficult for singles, however, knowing that married men suffer from the same temptations just helps us to understand it better…it will almost always be something we have to deal with, so we dont have the luxury of putting our feet up and saying “there, ive beaten it” ….EVER! we must always be on guard, and women….PLEASE help us, we need it

  20. Hayley-796302 April 30, 2013 Reply

    Very well said and written!! Thanks Bryan.

  21. Rose K. April 30, 2013 Reply

    I believe the truth is written on the hearts of all men and women and we have been brainwashed decade after decade to no see ourselves as spiritual creatures made in the image and likeness of God but rather soul less monkies who should spend all day getting everything and anything they want.

  22. Mary-732729 May 19, 2013 Reply

    What has our society done to itself? We deserve what happens to our world. Was it not in the Screwtape Letters that one of the ways Wormwood destroyed the soul was through the desires of the flesh?

  23. Michele-969087 May 19, 2013 Reply

    Why bother reading a magazine such as that or any that fall into that type of advertising? Most of the articles written are to “WOW” the reader and sell the magazine. I did at one time read those magazines but when I grew deeper in my faith the need to read articles with the “WOW” factor in them just looked foolish to me.

  24. Almir-973839 May 25, 2013 Reply

    Of course the magazine article caught your eye, that’s how they get laid, I mean paid.

    It’s not humanly possible to always think of one thing, so that statement is false.

    “One swallow does not make a summer; neither does one day. Similarly neither can one day, or a brief space of time, make a man blessed and happy “

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