Catholic Singles And The Waiting Game


Waiting

Feeling left out because you’re not married? Single people who wish they were married often feel forgotten and ignored. It’s a difficult place to be whether you’ve never been married, or are widowed or divorced. Life can be frustrating and lonely, but if you find yourself in this situation you may not realize you are standing on the precipice of a great opportunity…

 

Before I go further on that thought, please know that I know the suffering that comes with the loneliness you feel is real and intense. It’s a hardship that many people silently deal with. I’ve been there myself and want to share with you the upside of your current status.

 

The upside is the opportunity you have – now, while you are the only one you are responsible for – to work on becoming the best version of yourself you can be. Business owners, artists and musicians, financial investors, and other people who become very successful at what they do often have a simple rule of thumb, and that is doing one thing every day to improve themselves. It’s what I call the 1% Rule. If you do one thing every day to be better, however big or small, you improve yourself by 1%, which means, you are always refining yourself. You are getting better every day, just by one small action. This is a great habit to apply to yourself as you wait to meet the one who will become Mr. or Mrs. Right.

 

This simple concept, the 1% Rule can produce dramatic results in your life and the best thing is, you are the one who is in control of it. You don’t have to rely on anyone else.

 

For example, as a writer, there are different things I do to improve my skills and I do one thing on a daily basis; anything from taking a free webinar, generating a list of new ideas, working on learning how to write comedy (not easy!), etc. Just one thing every day. Not overkill. And I find it really helps me become a better writer. On a personal level, I try to be better by working on forgiveness, working on being patient, being more consistent in my prayer life, etc.

 

What would a list for you look like? Only you know the areas you need improvement, but here’s another thought on this: the improvement you make can be correcting something about yourself you don’t like, but it can also be learning new things and taking time to enjoy new experiences.

 

Here’s what a list of ideas that could become personal improvements:

 

  • Venture outside your comfort level and send an emotigram to someone you think is out of your league.
  • Attend an early morning mass before work.
  • Take a cooking class at your local farmer’s market.
  • Say a decade of the rosary on your lunch break.
  • Work on improving a strained relationship with a relative.
  • Take a free teleseminar or webinar.
  • Talk a walk in the evening instead of watching TV.
  • Organize your email inbox.
  • Eat healthier food.
  • Look up the definition to that word you hear being used but don’t know what it means.
  • Let someone cut in front of you in traffic.
  • Fold your clean clothes right out of the dryer and put them away.
  • Clean out your closet.

 

I’m sure you get the idea. As I mentioned, the one who knows the best way to improve is you. The idea is just to form the habit of doing one thing every day to get better. Can you imagine how pleased your future bride or groom will be when you tell them all the things you’ve done to prepare yourself for a life of love with them? I have no doubt he or she would be so pleased and love you all the more for it :)

 

I would love to hear what things might go on your list in the comments section, or at asklisa@catholicmatch.com.






28 Comments

  1. Arden-261786 May 6, 2013 Reply

    Very good advice! I’ve been saying the Rosary every morning and listening to motivational and inspirational audios. Now to add something else for my 1%. :)

  2. Pebbles-943648 May 6, 2013 Reply

    Thanks for the advice… :)
    I met somebody i like on this site and we just exchange emotigram as i am not a subscriber i cannot send messages nor read messages…its just sad…

    • Joanna-615441 May 6, 2013 Reply

      Girl! Join! Even if it is just for a short duration. Your life match will be worth every penny and this can be him!

      • Andrea-529799 May 6, 2013 Reply

        I’ve been a subscriber for several months, during which time I exchanged messages for a short time with someone who has now not responded in a month. I’ve also sent out emotigrams and messages to others who have never bothered to respond. This site has definitely NOT been worth the money!

  3. Joanna-615441 May 6, 2013 Reply

    Nice suggestions!

  4. Luigi-797569 May 6, 2013 Reply

    Sorry Andrea I understand your point and I also don’t like not to have a reply. Let’s pray together for people don’t anwer to our messages and maybe in this way we could add also that 1% for today…Luigi

  5. Francis-906367 May 6, 2013 Reply

    i am single ,,,,,,,,waiting for the Right Time… for Right Patner…….how many of them r still single waiting for the right patner……only GOD can help…….through right sources……….through prayer…..and GOOD deeds………

  6. Jennifer-728047 May 7, 2013 Reply

    We say “pray”…a lot. This concerns me at times. God wants prayers with our hands and feet as well. Our life needs to be a prayer. Our days, our trials, our triumphs…all of it! I am ‘good’ 90% of the time, reJOYcing in my singlehood as I wait in the “waiting room” doing many things that I find rewarding and holy-inducing (volunteering by doing sexual purity outreach engagements, teach NFP, ultrasounds at crisis preg centers, etc…but also fun things like learn a new musical instrument every other year to make sure that creative/musical gift is being utilized, hike, ski, visit family, write letters, srapbook, etc. I am living life to the fullest, taking advantage of single retreats, going swing dancing, learning how to cook from my mother, etc. HOWEVER what I am noticing, is there is not a lot of “action” and in this age of computers, iphones, crackberries, I wonder….are guys just really “content” with the endless shopping program here? Ooh, she is great, but maybe there is better, etc. We all say “no on is perfect, ” but really, they do expect that. So, most of the time I good, and trusting radically in God that all things are on track — self improvement and betterment..canNOT emphasize this enOUGH! We must ALWAYS be growing. We can’t give who we don’t know, about ourselves. I do strongly believe in Romans 828 and Luke 10:27. However, that 100% so longs to share all the utter beauty of this life, from the outdoors/nature, to Mass time and kneel-time. From kissing in the rain, to reading Scripture. To help each other carry the crosses of life, and add to each others’ joys! It’s just hard ‘waiting’ when you can’t control reaching that goal on your own — I’m a woman, and I am not going to pursue or try to win a man over! The emasculating of guys and masculating the girls…it’s tushie backwards and non traditional, in how God wired us biologically to live out our roles as male and female. So, while I get contacts from great men, it will either be like this “Hey, here is my number..all if you want to!” or paragraphs about how interested he is, bla bla bla,but then never follow -up…drop the ball! Pretty disheartening from a “catholic population.” I’m ready for a hiatus!:) +AMDG+

    • Trish-966867 May 7, 2013 Reply

      I haven’t joined yet, for precisely the reasons you seem to confirm. It’s like another money-making venture, under the guise of finding a good Catholic. Sadly, I believe that MOST men will still look at a picture and base pretty much everything on that, and then you’re supposed to want to jump. Admittedly, it’s hard NOT to immediately blow off someone when you find their picture less than ideal, but when I look back on my relationships, looks were not part of it — I got to know them first. These were pre-internet days. But, those days are pretty much gone. People want to know waaay too much upfront, and like you said, they shop. We’ve turned into products. Sell yourself. Isn’t there a word for that?!

    • Mariella-964442 May 8, 2013 Reply

      I’m a woman, and I am not going to pursue or try to win a man over!

      Yeah, I agree with that. We must ALWAYS be growing. Inside and out.

      Im just enjoying myself being here because of being an option, of just being open to God’s blessing wherever He will search the future spouse for me, whether here or in my community.

      But I’ll follow the advice, I still have so many things to do in my list (baking class and massage class, pilgrimage of churches, visit to pink sisters, my conferences and other teachings, travel abroad, speaking engagement and yeah, I enjoy receiving messages from CM too without thinking ahead that you could be the one :) Id rather allow God to surprise me ahead!

      Mama Mary, pray for us!

    • Maria-886373 May 8, 2013 Reply

      Amen, Jennifer! Well said :-)

    • Louis-538276 May 13, 2013 Reply

      I read your statement, and as I was reading I thought to me self, this has to be a young woman, and yes I was right, you are young and beautiful woman inside and out. Just want to add that as you continue to grow and mature, you see things a little different and we then realize that we complicated life more than it should be. This Catholic Match is a though crowed we all want to match with other Catholics, but most of the time we don’t get any response back, not even a smile. Make it work guys… else don’t complain… God Bless

  7. Crisanta-510703 May 7, 2013 Reply

    that’s a good advice..

  8. Marcelle M. May 7, 2013 Reply

    Great advice!

  9. Sue-906387 May 7, 2013 Reply

    Lisa ~ I agree with all the list except the 1st one. How can this entry “Venture outside your comfort level and send an emotigram to someone you think is out of your league.” improve us or lead to our growth?

  10. Gely-970742 May 7, 2013 Reply

    Really good advice!

  11. Maria-886373 May 8, 2013 Reply

    Lisa, this are great suggestions that I think ANYONE – single, married, religious – should strive to incorporate into their daily lives. What I don’t appreciate is the implication (not sure if it was intended or not) that one will necessarily meet their spouse at the end of completing all of these very worthwhile 1% activities. The sad reality is that many of us probably will not, and there is nothing that is going to change that fact. No, it is not hopeful, but it is realistic.

    I am getting to the point where it feels like there is some unending gauntlet that I am supposed to run before all the pieces will just magically fall into place for me. I constantly need to talk myself out of this way of thinking.

    Please don’t get me wrong – I am completely in favor of self-improvement. But I think we should do these things for ourselves, out of respect for the inherent dignity that God has given each one of us, and not as a means to finding a spouse, because that just isn’t a guarantee.

  12. Diana-956573 May 8, 2013 Reply

    Thank you very much Lisa for the inspiration.

    Take a cooking lesson is what I really wanted to do. ( I will definitely include that on my list and try to take the lesson this year. )
    Be more closer to God is what I am still keep on doing. ( Know more about Him cause my future children will for sure ask me about that and my part as a mother would love to tell them what I know about God.
    Try to learn other sports . ( Karate, Taekwondo, or other martial arts, kick boxing, cricket,fencing etc )
    Do more volunteer works. Spend more time in helping others while waiting for man God has destined for me.
    The easiest way that I think I can involve myself into is to put all my pictures in a photo album and frames and take more pictures. :)

    This list is I am doing it for myself. ( I still have more) The experiences and knowledge that I will get from here will equip me to be a better person for my family, future husband and children God and others. :)

  13. Mary-720746 May 8, 2013 Reply

    That 1% rule applys to everyone including the married with children and the religious life. Its roots can be found in the Ten Commandments, the Corporal Works of Mercy, the Beatitudes,; in essence, in our Catholic faith. Agree with Maria, 886373. We don’t do these things while waiting for a guy. Frankly, I,ve never “waited” for a guy. I set goals that God “wacked” out of my life when He said “Ain’t in His gameplan for me.” Fortunately, I followed His “are you kidding me” paths and I always will. If He sees a realtionship in my future fine; if He doesn’t fine too. Live life to its fullest. Trust in Him. Don’t sweat the small stuff in life. Ninety-five per cent of the stuff we worry about, compalin about,ge’s us “down”, is small stuff. Compromise or forget about it and move on! In my humble opinion, the single has vever been that bad or else I woulld have done something about it. Not that bad now . Just have more time on my hands and having a guy pal at a minimum and serious relationship at the maximum would be challenging and probably rewarding.

  14. Sylvia-886117 May 9, 2013 Reply

    I pray every day that I will find a good man on here.I try to hard I guess.I do have to be myself .It is sad when some men want you to be only miles away .We all must put our trust in Gods hands.Get up each morning and start a new day with new twist.
    Sylvia – 886117

  15. Gabriela-679197 May 9, 2013 Reply

    I am just glad to meet other Catholics. I also pray for my family, for the world, to give thanks for all the many blessings in my life. It feels almost wrong to ask for something…God’s timing is perfect and I trust Him always… I have always trusted Him…even during the most difficult times in my life. He has been my source of strength and I am so grateful to have God in my heart; Don’t pray asking for something and then be mad at Him because things are not going your way.

  16. Jerah-862075 May 9, 2013 Reply

    Thanks for the advice. I’m also planning to have some to do list on my planner like that.

  17. Cindy-681844 May 13, 2013 Reply

    This is a hard place to be

  18. Michele-969087 May 14, 2013 Reply

    I REALLY BELIEVE WE HAVE TO BE HAPPY WITH WHO WE ARE. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH DOING SOMETHING NEW TO GROW INTO SOMETHING MORE.

    MY DOING SOMETHING NEW WAS LOOKING INTO THIS DATING SITE, I NEVER DID ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE.

    MAYBE WE SHOULD LOOK AT THIS SITE AS CATHOLIC MEMBERS MEETING, THAT MAY MOVE ON TO A MATCH.

  19. Mary-732729 May 15, 2013 Reply

    We should all try to be happy with our situation. If we are still single, then it is God’s will/plan and not becasue we have not tried. He knows what is best for us.

  20. Anita-965442 May 15, 2013 Reply

    WE should be happy and wait the time that God plane for us.
    Thanks for the link.

  21. Joy C. May 27, 2013 Reply

    Amen

  22. Sarah-1001082 August 17, 2013 Reply

    Great article. I have been single for so many years, I am too scared to go on a date! But I am learning the flute and the piano and I have joined a running club! Crazy! Will keep praying!

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