Does Texting Hurt Your Dating Life?


Drew Barrymore in He's Just Not That Into You

“I had this guy leave me a voicemail at work, so I called him at home, and then he emailed me to my BlackBerry, and so I texted to his cell, and now you just have to go around checking all these different portals just to get rejected by seven different technologies.

“It’s exhausting,” lamented Drew Barrymore’s character Mary in the 2009 romantic comedy “He’s Just Not That Into You.”

Exhausting is right — technology has completely changed the dating scene as we know it. The old unwritten rules like the “three-day post-date no call rule” have been washed away with the rise in texting, Facebook messaging, Skyping and more. While these communication tools have risen in popularity, the rules that once governed the world of dating have not caught up.

We all know that constant communication gives off a clingy vibe, while absolutely no contact after a special date can be disappointing.

We also know that we need to unplug from time to time. Too much reliance on these communication tools can also kill a relationship, as CatholicMatch blogger Maria Wiering also wrote about.

So how much is too much? What rules do you set for yourself when starting a new relationship? Texting, emailing and social networking is always there, but how do you decide where to draw the line? Is there a magic formula for how much texting and calling is acceptable in a relationship?






10 Comments

  1. Joel-973494 June 1, 2013 Reply

    When you cannot even enjoy a day without being sent a text, then it is too much. I had a function from an old job that I was invited to. People at my table (single people) were texting through the entire dinner. Now that I think is rude. I received a nasty text stating I was rude for not responding to numerous texts while I was there. What happened before cell phones? Seems to me that there is a lack of trust out there more now with technology then before. I usually texted her back as soon as possible before that night. (She broke contact after that)

    • Lois-765906 June 1, 2013 Reply

      I agree wholeheartedly with Joel. There is a lot of whining going on if someone is not instant in making a reply. At our church, our pastor just issued some written guidelines – one of which said that people should NOT be texting during mass, but I have seen people do this.

  2. Steven-958229 June 1, 2013 Reply

    We live in a world of fast food, Walmart, we can e-order anything we can think of and see almost any movie NOW. The problem with the “technology” you know you sent the message and you “just” “know” they got the message, however there is trillions things you do not know(i.e they are in a meeting,………) The is question is how does one use good will to in filling in blanks.

  3. Daniel-974521 June 2, 2013 Reply

    Basic rules of kindness seem to have gotten lost in ‘cyberspace’. CM is a nice way to start as you can see if your values are similar and what someone writes in their profile speaks volumes. Emails should be positive or just say thank you and move on, ditto ‘texts’ and the like. We all hope to find thast special person so let them know if you are interested and await a reply. You never know what is in God’s plan until it happens so keep the faith and remember to be considerate to those who contact you.

  4. Brendan-974366 June 3, 2013 Reply

    Couldn’t agree more with everyone above. Interestingly enough, and I hate to say this, but so far it’s been only men who are stating what we are stating here on this blog post….which I’m only saying that from MY own experiences, I’ve definitely seen women doing way more of the texting/calling/facebooking/tweeting/whatever-the-heck-is-out-there kind of thing. I’ve literally been on two dates before where each time, the girl that I was in FULL conversation with across the dinner table, reached to grab her phone to answer a text message. Just like any hiring manager would do, I threw her “resume” in the trash. It’s just plain rude!

    Don’t get me wrong, there are many a guy who will do this too, but I think for us men, it’s very important to look out for the women who do not do this. I have definitely met many women who are so attentive to what I am saying, and who didn’t have a care in the world for anything else than for me at whatever particular time we were together. Now THAT is what I’m talking about!

    Let’s all pray to Mary, the most attentive and compassionate woman to ever walk the face of the planet, to allow us all to find the woman (or man, if you are a woman) who will be devoted to a relationship full of deepness and warm attentiveness. Better yet, let us pray to her for a decreased use in our technological devices in our relationships all together.

  5. Angelita M. June 16, 2013 Reply

    Too much of anything can ruin everything. But it’s part of life and the learning process, plus it’s a way of expressing oneself. It may not be appreciated by others but there’s a compelling need to release ones thoughts, feelings and emotions.

  6. Angelita-975845 June 17, 2013 Reply

    However,it could be a sign of insecurity which every individual have to overcome so as not to overwhelm or suffocate the other person. Just let go and let nature take its natural course because some things are just bound to happen, beyond our control…if something or someone is not meant for you, there are more important things to do and focus your attention to, like service to others, and being more aware of your surroundings.

  7. Jim D. October 18, 2013 Reply

    I’m a middle age divorced Dad and I’m just tired of dating. I met what I thought was a wonderful lady 55 years old. We dated for 6 months but I just had to end the relationship. We would not go out to dinner, a concert, movie, a ride in the country, sitting around playing cards, in a Bible study class and even during church services she had to text her daughter and friends constantly. We disagreed on this topic constantly ( her daughter is 27 years old – get a life) I finally said something to her after about three weeks of dating. I told her that I thought it was unbecoming for someone of her age – to text constantly. One evening I just told that it made me feel insignificant and that I felt it was rude behavior on her part – she said I was a jerk for complaining about her texting habits. Thankfully, I ended the relationship and I’m free of her. I will not compromise when it comes to being polite and having manners at the dinner table. Am I wrong for felling this way?
    Texted-out

    Tired of dating jerks,
    Rochester, NY

  8. Barbara-592749 December 31, 2013 Reply

    When I am on a date with a gentleman my thoughts are on him and what our conversation is about. Why go on a date if your interest isn’t on/with the person you are with.
    Stay home and take all your messages in private so you can say what you please and not have to be concerned that your date is listening and learning many things about you by your conversation.
    A date is a one on one getting to know each other and not for outsiders to interrupt what could be a lovely evening. Remember YOU made/accepted the date because
    you were interested in the person and wanted to know them better. Talking on your cell phone to someone else is very upsetting to your date and shows less respect and interest you have for them.
    If this happened to me I would get up and call a cab to take me home and never accept another date with that person unless his profession demanded he accept his calls. This should be understood by both parties before accepting/giving a date invitation.

  9. Bill-304473 March 28, 2014 Reply

    i gree with you, Barbara. I’ve taken out women who decide to answer their phones rather than continue the conversation. This says that I am not getting undivided attention and she does not see this action as rude. The same person will expect me to pick up the check at the end. Is the call more important, to break the meeting’s flow? Will the date let a person, not a phone call, simply break into his/her conversation? That’s rude on both parts. The inturrupter and the one, on the date, for breaking away and listening in a separate discussion.

    When a person takes a call in the middle of a mass, he’s putting Christ on hold. Christ is not getting undivided attention and is only at 50%-50%. Of course how one dresses shows one’s reverence, or lack thereof, also. But that’s another subject.

    Also, I do not care for times, when talking on the phone, I hear ‘wait, I’ve got another call.’ This is when both of us are on landlines. Why not just lood at the number and call back? Is the person whho answered saying ‘I got call-waiting to interrupt whenever he wants?’ Well, this goes off the subject of dates; but , a person does not know he/she just killed the date.

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