Is Your Match Too Good to Be True?


Mr Cool

The headline screams: How to tell if your boyfriend is a sociopath!

Nah, couldn’t happen with Catholic folks like us, right?

Think again.

When we hear the word sociopath, we think Ted Bundy-like murderers and maybe high-rolling conman. In fact, twelve-million Americans are sociopaths. And one study of 17,000 college students showed that two-thirds scored high on a measure of narcissism.

In Escaping the Boy, author Paula Carrasquillo discreetly veils as fiction her own true story of being abused by her socipathic narcissistic boyfriend.

He had no empathy or conscience, she says. He lied—a lot. He began by abusing her emotionally and verbally and eventually, physically. She says that one of the red flags was that he wanted to get on her phone plan (he claimed it was to save money) but it was actually so that he could monitor all her calls and texts.

Would you recognize a sociopath if you met one, Carrasquillo asks. Probably not, she tells us.

“In romance, narcissistic sociopaths often appear too good to be true. They are charming, agreeable, and engaging. The narcissistic sociopath loves (or seems to love) everything about you. He (or she) hooks you. Then he breaks you. His emotional abuse is very subtle. The victim may not know she is being victimized until it is nearly too late.”

All sociopaths are narcissists. Narcissists view themselves as unique, special, “above the law.” They are grandiose and require excessive amounts of adulation, admiration, and attention. They behave arrogantly and haughtily. In addition to these traits, sociopathic narcissists are well versed in the art of deception. They lie. They appear to be devoid of empathy, even conscience-less.

As Catholics we believe everyone has a conscience. Nonetheless, consciences can become deformed. In fact, a conscience may be so deformed as to appear non-existent or non-functioning.

We may think this cannot happen to Catholics.

“Erin,” a college senior attending a Catholic college, dated a young man whom she (and many of her peers) found incredibly charismatic, charming, and persuasive. He was especially persuasive when he was pursuing her. Once she became his girlfriend, however, he subtly (so subtle that she wasn’t aware of it till much later) began manipulating her. He became quite domineering: requiring her to shop at certain stores, to avoid certain franchises he deemed unacceptable, to read books he considered indispensable, and even to attend a certain type of liturgy for Sunday Mass. Of course, Erin, being in love, was more than eager to follow his lead.

But Erin’s family began to worry: they saw her change; she became less confident, she was dependent on his assessment of her, she obediently followed his lead, and she even began questioning her own conscience.

Later, when friends asked her: why did you let him do that to you? She told them: “I really thought he was always right, and I was in the wrong.”

He berated her judgment, questioned her morality, made her feel guilty, and scoffed at anyone who disagreed with him. He was in control.

This is not to suggest that everyone who is manipulative, deceptive, and arrogant is a narcissist or a sociopath. A serious diagnosis of a personality disorder must be made by a qualified professional psychologist. Nonetheless, it would be wise to be wary of people who exhibit an excess of such negative character traits. And several studies indicate that narcissism is on the rise.

If you are in a relationship in which you are feeling constantly degraded and manipulated; in which you question your own intuition and conscience, begin to doubt that you can make a wise decision on your own, or even begin to doubt your worthiness as an individual…get out of this relationship! Talk to those who love you and know you: your parents, siblings, long-time friends. Discuss this relationship with a holy priest or spiritual director.

God does not want you demeaned, beaten down, subjugated. You are worthy of dignity because you are created in His image and likeness. He wants the best for you. You are called to a mission. God calls you to love, of the highest order.

 






35 Comments

  1. Pat-5351 September 22, 2013

    My reaction is while this all may well be true, and I have had my share of narcissists, is this really the kind of article we need on a Catholic dating website? Most here are not even connecting with anyone, and now here is a whole ‘nother issue to worry about and be concerned about and make you be leery of others (especially for the women, which this whole article is about the manipulative, narcissistic men who are out there waiting to ruin you and your life). Yes, there are some people out there who will manipulate you, so don’t be foolish in your relationships (when you may ever be in one…most here are not in one). But I think all this kind of article does is scare people off who are already finding it difficult to connect with anyone, drives them into greater isolation, and fewer connections, and more fear, and that of course leads to fewer relationships and fewer Catholic marriages. To me, that is not what the Church needs. Most people are people of good will, but having experienced some number of bad apples, or being scared off because we know that they are “out there,” that is why most of us are living the lives we are. It’s a pity, and this kind of thing only reinforces it….

  2. Lucy-41785 September 22, 2013

    Agreed, Pat.

  3. Renee-1005754 September 22, 2013

    I think this s a Great Article! I think that the fact that it is possible to meet a Sociopath/lessor of being a Narcissist the a Catholic on here I began to converse with it is very possible A Catholic here on this site this this person not aware of the condition that he had it. Thus, he claimed never married on his profile then when we spoke on the phone I discovered he had been married? Hmmmm? told me not in the Catholic church though? Did I really believe he had it annulled after I asked him if it was? No! thanks for a great article! my father is A Sociopath and far from having God in his life so therefore, i ry for anyone who as these tendencies to treat someone like such. I agree our Society has shown more of this behavior sad but true. Thank you or shedding light on the reality of what is going on in our World around us! This is a very important topic to protect others in our Community this behavior can lead to harm eventually?! God Bless Lorraine Great Article!

  4. Rachel-731570 September 22, 2013

    My ex is a sociopath, a narcissist, but oh so charming at the beginning! Articles like this remind me of why I need to go slowly, thoughtfully, carefully into any future relationships.

  5. John-96761 September 22, 2013

    “And one study of 17,000 college students showed that two-thirds scored high on a measure of narcissism.”

    I believe that this can only be a result of the culture changing in general. Responsibility is being eroded. A baby in the womb is only called a baby if you want it; otherwise it is called a fetus. Even if it moves or kicks, it’s not alive, if you don’t want it to be. Just keep calling it a fetus.
    Sex is promoted in the public elementary schools, as something fun that should be explored, not something tied to commitment. By the way, here are some condoms, and if you do get pregnant, the school nurse will take you to the abortion clinic without your parents’ knowledge, thanks to lawmakers in certain states.
    Large incentives are given for single parents, leading to further destruction of the family and more government dependency, which big government advocates love, because it means more votes. A single mother in Hawaii with 2 children can receive up to $49,000 in total government assistance, so why work?
    According to one study, family of four with one working parent earning $16,000 per year, will have more disposable income after all included government assistance for rent, food, earned income tax credits, etc… than the same size family earning $64,000 per year, paying taxes and not getting these subsidies.
    How about the official government debt at $17+ trillion and unfunded liabilities at $80+trillion? No problem, just keep up the spending on entitlements and government programs with the belief that doing this will make everything better.

    Is it any wonder that narcissism is on the rise when such reckless behavior is promoted in our society? Irresponsibility is the new responsibility.

    • Joan-529855 September 23, 2013

      John, as I read the article I too felt the same as you; the lack of moral fiber of our nation leads to sociopathic behaviors. I attend NAMI (national association of mentally ill) support group meetings each week. This group is made of family members of those who have been diagnosed with a mental illness. Many people who have been diagnosed mentally ill remain untreated and unfortunately the treatment success rate of a sociopath is extremely low (around 1%). My former husband was diagnosed bipolar 10 years ago. He has also been told that he has borderline personality disorder. Both of these illnesses, left untreated, exhibit extreme sociopathic characteristics during the manic phase. This is not something that family members can take lightly or the afflicted will destroy you, emotionally and physically.
      As far as the possibility of being in a relationship with someone who is a sociopath; the likelihood is greatest if either of your parents exhibit sociopathic characteristics. If you have identified either parent as exhibiting these characteristics, whether it be as a result of a co-morbid mental illness or not, there is a very good chance that you will unknowingly enter into a relationship with someone exhibiting sociopathic characteristics.
      Like Rachel, I am very careful who I communicate with as I am vulnerable when it comes to this type of disorder in others. I don’t feel that this post is the least bit inappropriate for CM. I met my former husband in a Catholic Bible Study and at the time he appeared to be the most dedicated Catholic I had ever met. He was very methodical and appeared confident in his Catholic belief. He preferred the traditional liturgy and thrived on the control he exhibited over others. The more control he gained, the more abusive he became.

      • Malou-1013394 September 23, 2013

        Are you saying that a person that’s bipolar or has a manic depression is mentally unstable. That’s not nice to label. Each person is different unique and to bundle people together as insane, is wrong as a Catholic you shouldn’t be judging them rather in my brothers words, pray for them instead.

      • John-96761 September 24, 2013

        Thank you Joan for sharing this information.

      • Romano G. September 24, 2013

        I have a theory as to why it seems that sociopathic behaviors are on the rise… I think it has to do with the contraceptive mentality. Contraception is the root cause of all modern social ills such as divorce, abortion, mental disorder, increase in homosexuality and prison population, etc. It causes broken homes because now men can view every woman as potential sex partners and can leave their partner/spouse because the mentality is that since they don’t get pregnant I don’t have a responsibility to stick around. This mentality continues into the marriage… It leads to a lot of women being the head of the household and in turn causes whatever child(ren) in that household to grow up lacking a male figure in their lives. This behavior can be passed on down from one generation to the next. This I believe this the root cause…

  6. Lynea-297530 September 22, 2013

    Thank you, John, for that comment. NOT ALL PEOPLE ARE NARCISSISTS, but people need to be aware that there are tremendous emotional, spiritual, and possibly even physical repercussions to being involved with such a person. People who are confident one day could lose their health and job the next, and suddenly their judgment is not as good. They’ve become vulnerable suddenly, and are welcome prey to a sociopathic narcissist. The reason why they become targets is because sociopaths are geniuses at assimilating to social groups, their culture (even down to a person’s expressions, written and verbal), and values. Like everyone else, sociopaths want to be accepted, but they hold a greater importance to a disordered level, where they use the appearance of empathy and their falsely assimilated image to gain acceptance in order for them to hide their real agenda. There are different levels of this, so not every sociopath is a Ted Bundy, but the cold, lack of empathy, the hardened attitude of defiant entitlement, the boldness of their bitter rebellion against responsibility for their own actions, and their ego boost when they belittle someone they used to boost their image, or gain some other benefit, as if people were human stepping-stones who signed over their rights to be trampled upon not necessary by sin, but by their merely being perceived as beneath the sociopath — all these things could take a trusting person down to a depression and a potential loss of trust. These people are dangerous, and they do exist, and it’s better to know that they are out there and how to spot them than to go through such a landmine and then try to recover. As the old saying goes, “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” I would say here, “An ounce of awareness is worth a ton of cure.”

    • John-96761 September 24, 2013

      Thank you sharing this information, Lynea. I had a first hand experience with a sociopath and the best way I can describe the person is like a human tornado. Everyone this person encountered could either put distance between themselves and the sociopath, or get sucked in and become greatly damaged. The hardest thing to do is to be able to spot them early, because they are very convincing liars. This sociopath didn’t mind literally destroying peoples’ lives to get what was desired. Trying to help a sociopath is EXTREMELY difficult from what I’ve read.

  7. Chris-906154 September 22, 2013

    I’m bad, but at least I’m not that bad.

  8. Jeoff-1013153 September 23, 2013

    “This is not to suggest that everyone who is manipulative, deceptive, and arrogant is a narcissist or a sociopath.” — This is perhaps the most important line in the article.

    When two individuals begin to date, they may show off some of these poor qualities. It makes them a broken person and one that needs time to find God–not someone that needs to be subjugated with psychological diagnoses from unqualified individuals without any expertise. I can easily see my ex-girlfriend labeling me with these names based on reading such an article, but as someone with qualified expertise, I can guarantee you that my behavior in the relationship was a learning experience in trust–not a reflection of my static character.

  9. Carol-799486 September 23, 2013

    This is something to think about and to ponder upon. People who only love themselves does not know how to share himself with another human being because all he see in the mirror is himself.
    He is not someone that any woman would dream meeting here at Catholicmatch nor outside because he is a nightmare on Elm street! scary and spooky. Like critters from outer space or a barracuda watching you with an eagle eye vision because you are his prey.
    Heaven forbid I will not meet one here. I hope that the man here are healthy in mind and body and not sick in the head and frail in health.
    The web site could serve as a perfect vehicle for the sick in the head people because the person at the other end of the globe does not know who he is or what he is apart from his concocted lies. He is unwanted outside that is why he is here in the internet. Old and gray and a loser in life. But then he knows that time is not on his side and the pressure is on him. He needs to find his prey. And a sweet lady is his perfect victim.
    I think that we women should get weary because its for our own good. Thank you for posting this article that served as a guided hint for me and all those who got touched by a chilling wind on her bones.

  10. Ann-69118 September 23, 2013

    One of my ex’s was like that. Seemed charming and very nice and always thoughtful though there were warning signs. One day Mr. Bad guy showed up all of a sudden and he tried to be abusive. I broke up with him imediately. I realized later that all the little things I had ignored had been red flags. When he realized he couldn’t control me then he stopped showing all the charm and tried force. He was truly a master manipulator but it was a great lesson on how to spot them.

  11. Brian-278516 September 23, 2013

    @Pat The CatholicMatch Institute is not an online dating site. The Institute is committed to helping build a strong foundation for more marriages through dating and marriage resources regardless if one uses online dating sites or not. This issue is important to anyone who finds themselves in such a relationship. It is better to identify these kinds of things before making it worse by entering into marriage.

  12. Linda-954866 September 24, 2013

    I’m going through a rough time with someone I strongly feel has these qualities…It’s the most devastating thing to watch a close friend treat other people this way….yet he was the one educating me so much about the catholic faith and I fell in love again with The Lord ( and him). it’s such a hard pill to swallow when this person who taught me so much, became the one who treated me with the exact opposite amount of respect. They say you should love those who deserve it the least, we’ll I have been doing so for 4 years and I don’t know how much more I can take. He Actually told me, “I couldnt date you because I’d just end up cheating on you.” Then he would brag that he was a pure soul, yet remained very secretive with his life when i was not around…and expected me to sit next to him him at church so no other men could approach me ( which he said). I always prayed that God keep him out of trouble but I would hear nothing but bad news from our circle of friends about his manipulative dating habits and how he only cared to show Models off around town and have me as a secret girl who he could boss around in private . oh boy did it hurt when I found that out! Especially when he guilt tripped me into being his best friend “only” and that back rubs was a perfectly normal behavior to give to your male friends . I defended him with the might of 70 horses! Yet still, I forgave him, thinking gods grace would surely have some sort of effect on him if i stuck around and continued to show him unconditional love. He did help me by repairing my old car , telling me who I should or should not date ( no one was ever good enough for him) he called me for everything and EXPECTED me to answer right away. He found me new apartments, paid for parking tickets, introduced me to his family, When his faith was low, or when he needed someone to pray with, or have quiet time with, or help him feel better when he’s argued with a friend and when he needed to cuddle. I was Expected to cuddle and accept his frequent dalliances with random women. Even my parents were convinced he was good for me because he was “abstinent with me” and protecting me. But he never wanted to call any of this dating….After four years the feeling of rejection became stronger each day because i genuinely cared about his well being so much I stayed by his side.I then found out he had been dating over 60 girls and then dumping immediately after for the fun sake of it” all the while not being so abstinent with them” while I was at work or school. He’s 32 years old. He would date many girls in our small city and if I even tried to ignore him or not answer his calls he would yell at me to get over this love for him…(note * he would always be the one calling, emailing etc me). Well, last week he asked me to help him move items into storage and we spent two long great days together watching movies, back rubs, cooking, sweet talk, THE WOrKS! i felt like a million bucks! When we said goodbye he says “see you at church in a few days before i leave to new york for 3-6 months…” I agreed and bounced to my car…i waited all week for him to call. he always does. but he didnt. He wasn’t at church either. Turns out a random woman at a party a few days after the cancelled mass laughs when i mention his name because she said she was having dinner with him the night he left…she proceeded to tell me what an idiot he was because he asked her to kneel and pray with him after she gave him a back rub. I was so hurt. I was hurt that his efforts at trying to spread gods word was completely ruined because of his manipulation. Hurt because none of this would have happened if he just accepted God’s efforts to show him a better life than lies and deceit. His actions and ego poisoned not just his reputation but Gods credibility. I was so sick, I cried all day to get this man out of my life!

    • David-826237 September 24, 2013

      These are such sad stories. And yours is one of the saddest, Linda. For what it is worth, as a man I just want to apologize for such men. I always try to assume the best, so I’m going to assume that he is just a very confused man who is torn between a desire for holiness and an addiction to sex and his ability to attract and manipulate women.

      In some way, he must have treasured you more than other women because he wanted to be abstinent with you (but not them, because he saw them as more expendable conquests, I suppose). But don’t take any hope out of this idea that maybe he, on some deeper level, loved and respected you more than these other women. That kind of hope is not a virtue from God. It’s a wish/desire pulled out of conflicting facts.

      His behavior shows he’s deeply disturbed and conflicted and will take years to recover . . . if he ever does. And I guarantee he will not be able to recover as long as he has someone like you who will love him even if he treats her so badly. That just feeds his addiction and manipulative behavior. He won’t change until he’s lost something valuable . . . permanently . . . and comes to grieve it. Maybe, losing you, is exactly what he needs.

      I predict he’ll be back. But don’t accept him back. Maybe, as a Christian, you can forgive him and assure him that he is forgiven. But at the same time, the reality is you can’t trust him and devote your life to him. Nor is he even capable of a marriage that would not have built in grounds for annulment . . . meaning even if he has the theology right . . . his behavior shows he is not psychologically and emotionally able to be fully committed to all that is meant by Catholic marriage vows.

      He’s emotionally dangerous to you and can suck years of your life away with hopes that can’t be fulfilled because he is too far from being the man he can and should be. Maybe ten years from now, he’ll have gone through true repentance and conversion–I pray God will do that for him–but I would advise staying away even if he claimed conversion and change in any time frame less.

      You deserve better. Guard your heart. Reclaim it and save it for a guy who is worthy of you and will respect you and who wants to share himself totally with you.

      My prayers are with you, and him, and all the other women who he exploits and who are exploiting him in return.

      Pax

    • Elena-1001912 November 11, 2013

      Hi, Linda. I am really glad you shared your story here on Catholicmatch Institute. I really feel for you- four years in an emotionally and spiritually abusive relationship is total misery and four years of your life you will never get back. What you shared is clearly abuse. And there is no excuse for abuse.
      One person said he must have “treasured” you to be abstinent with you while using other women sexually. I disagree. The man in question is not treating any of the women in his life with respect, dignity or basic charity. It seems to me that there are two categories of women for him: Madonna and whore. He used you when he needed nurturing and he used other women when he needed to act out sexually.
      Please, my dear sister in Christ, run! Don’t walk, RUN, away from this man. I worked for years in domestic violence shelters and hotlines and I see the red flags of an abusive relationship all over this. You may need help from a counselor or therapist to work through the feelings that you have about this. Please don’t let pride or any other hesitation stop you from reaching out for help. I hope that you can sever contact with this individual, with the help of law enforcement if necessary. If your spirit desires to forgive him, please realize that you have time for that, and it is not necessary to be in contact with him to pursue this spiritual journey. A spiritual director, confessor, or pastor could help you. Take your time to heal and don’t do it alone!

  13. Marie-110909 September 24, 2013

    Great article. We often trust fellow catholics and have high expectations but need to be aware that many may be or have sociopathic tendencies. Even sociopathic priests exist; they are the wolves in sheeps clothing referred to in bible and we need to be very very careful and aware as the consequences of unwittingly allowing such a person in one’s life can be completely devastating.

    • Um-370126 September 24, 2013

      Big “+1″. I can’t tell you how manipulative I’ve found some priests and pastors to be. Like Spiderman said – “with great power comes great responsibility”…unfortunately many abuse this power over the people they’ve taken a holy oath to protect.

  14. Tom-925515 September 24, 2013

    I noticed that the article only mentions men I hope that we all realize that many women can be controlling and manipulative also.I was in a relationship with someone and she was very quick to both jump to conclusions and insist that I not include my family in our discussions at all.I believed myself to be in love with her and felt a real connection,but this became burdensome and I certainly was not going to turn my back on my family.Of course when I told my feelings she was totally apologetic and wanted to try to change at 50 years old? Needless to say it saddened me greatly but I moved on.2 weeks later she was in a new relationship,hello.

    • Romano G. September 24, 2013

      Sounds like she has NPD. Be glad that you got out of it… I’ve gone through 3 years of hell with my NPD…

  15. Mary-106 September 24, 2013

    This is a very important article especially in the Catholic community because many woman think that if he’s a good catholic then he can be trusted. I saw this happen to a close friend who didn’t trust her “gut”.

  16. Jason-472304 September 24, 2013

    I hate to be the insensitive male here, but I think it’s worthwhile to note that it’s really hard to diagnose a third person through the lens of a second person – especially someone who might feel burned at the ending of a relationship.

    “…whom she (and many of her peers) found incredibly charismatic, charming, and persuasive. He was especially persuasive when he was pursuing her. Once she became his girlfriend, however, he subtly (so subtle that she wasn’t aware of it till much later) began manipulating her.”

    This sounds very much like the (very normal) response of ‘hypervaluation’ and ‘devaluation’ that happens fairly often. While it’s pathological in someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, it’s pretty common for anybody, especially for the young.

    “He became quite domineering: requiring her to shop at certain stores, to avoid certain franchises he deemed unacceptable, to read books he considered indispensable, and even to attend a certain type of liturgy for Sunday Mass. Of course, Erin, being in love, was more than eager to follow his lead.”

    “Domineering” is one interpretation. We don’t have the actual details here, but let me present a set of alternate things that fit this description:
    a) Maybe you should pick up your clothes at (list of places that specialize in modest attire, Talbots, whatever, I don’t know enough about this). And these (list) local stores happen to be run by faithful Catholics, so we should patronize them.
    b) And, we should avoid Starbucks, Target (for their relentless support of gay marriage), Whole Foods, Kohls (which supports Planned Parenthood),Victoria’s Secret and Abercombie & Fitch (for their contribution to the coursening of the culture), etc. There’s a list.
    c) The Extraordinary Form Mass is a very different experience than the NO, and its beauty and purity is something to which I adhere: I’m not giving this up for anything since it will help to save my soul.

    For me, any of the above would be a topic of discussion, and rejection of the propositions would be a show-stopper.

    “But Erin’s family began to worry: they saw her change; she became less confident, she was dependent on his assessment of her, she obediently followed his lead, and she even began questioning her own conscience.”

    Was she going to confession every two weeks? More importantly – was he?

    “Later, when friends asked her: why did you let him do that to you? She told them: “I really thought he was always right, and I was in the wrong.””

    “He berated her judgment, questioned her morality, made her feel guilty, and scoffed at anyone who disagreed with him. He was in control.””

    Hum, how about: “How can you vote for an pro-abortion Democrat? Are you out of your mind? Do you think we get to just ignore the execution of children in the abattoirs of Planned Parenthood? Pelosi and Biden are a scourge on the Church. I don’t care what your Uncle/Friend thinks about the subject, he’s a thoroughgoing modernist.”

    I’m just point out that the entire situation above can be read in multiple ways. If the guy was going to confession, and the girl was raised typical public-school blue-collar democrat, then the whole situation regains a sense of verisimilitude that the biased presentation above doesn’t obtain, and nobody has to be a sociopath.Dude might just want to be a Saint, and Saints are notoriously difficult to live with unless you want to be one too.

    • Elena-1001912 November 11, 2013

      Hi, Jason. There is nothing wrong with being a saint- that’s our goal as Christians. There is something wrong with trying to mold, change and control your friend without respect for his/her human freedom and dignity. If you want a lady who shops at Talbots and goes to Tridentine mass, by all means, advertise for that lady. I think you will probably agree with me that a sweetheart can be too bossy to his beloved and cross that line into abuse without attracting too much attention. Not everyone who calls himself or herself a Christian is actually a safe person, sadly. If I had teenage children, I wouldn’t allow them to spend time with just anyone at church. I’d want to meet their friends and dates and would be keeping a close eye on those relationships for health and happiness. I have to “be my own parent” now that I’m 37, and vet and screen even self-proclaimed Christian dates. Who is an active addict? An abuser? A time-waster? Who is a user and doesn’t respect chastity or marriage? Anyone who uses CatholicMatch and similar sites should expect to spend a decent amount of time pulling weeds.

  17. Jason-472304 September 24, 2013

    Oops, sorry, forgot the book list: Fulton Sheen’s Three to get Married. JPII’s Theology of the Body Explained.
    The Hahns’ Life-Giving Love : Embracing God’s Beautiful Design for Marriage. Augustine’s Confessions. Story of a Soul. Escriva’s The Way, the Furrow and the Forge. I could think of half a dozen more.

  18. Michael-998544 September 24, 2013

    its the same women that complain about this behavior, to whatever degree, who always fall for it…

    well not always some break the pattern…

    and linda whom told you you should love those that least deserve it? are you serious?

    that is not only bad advice it sounds made up

  19. Romano G. September 24, 2013

    It’s must providence that I ran into this article. I met a young woman through a Catholic dating site. She was indeed too good to be true, pretty, educated, love to talk to me and constantly needed my attention. Little did I know that she had Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Three years later and tens of thousands of dollars in debt (attorney’s fee for a hit and run charge while she was in her rage) and endless therapy sessions, I am now in the process of getting a divorce and annulment. The author is right there are millions of these types of people around. I had never even heard of this disorder until I married my wife, now I can spot them from a mile away. They may not have full blown NPD but there are certain traits to look out for such as constant blaming, eye rolling, black and white thinking, constant need for praise and attention, and of course the rage. You don’t want to see the rage… Anyway for those who are interested please check up on Youtube. There are dozens of videos that goes into details about this disorder, how to spot them and how to get out of the relationship. I’ve learned my lesson and I hope I don’t fall for this trap ever again if Lord is willing.

  20. Peggie-981401 September 24, 2013

    Article spot on. This is a very appropriate place to post it. Those who want to avoid thinking about this as they search for their love are not being very discerning. I was “love bombed” by a NPD….wow ….I had NO idea what a narcissist is or how they abuse (even without hitting) until I found myself single after 9 years of marriage and in counseling/psychotherapy to figure out what happened to me. Heed the warnings posted here. God bless you all as you look for you love. Ask him to show you the person’s soul….

  21. Kelli-524183 September 25, 2013

    I actually met a man here on Catholic Match and had a sort of long distance relationship with for about 15 months who exhibited many of the traits listed in this article. My first red flag was when he tried to tell me who I could be friends with. Thankfully I don’t like being told what to do and stood my ground whenever he tried to dictate my life to me. He would sing my praises then in the same breath criticize any little fault, real or imagined, of mine. I have never felt worse about myself then when I was with him. It can happen. It does happen even here on Catholic Match.

  22. Nilda-834707 September 26, 2013

    Thanks, Laraine. I’ve met a few in my time. They are everywhere and not just in love relationships. They can be found in church, school, work place, bloggers on the internet, etc. They can be (so called) friends and family members. If you feel as if you are being suppressed, oppressed, coerced, manipulated and left with an overwhelming sense “This can’t be good for me” feeling, dump the NPD asap!

  23. Liz-953086 October 24, 2013

    There are women who abusive sociopaths too.
    It is hard for a man to realize he is being abused.

    Please pray for those men and women who find themselves in abusive relationships. May they find the strength to love themselves and the courage to get free.

  24. Jacki-746978 November 18, 2013

    Bottom line… Be careful! But remember these people are master liars and know how to groom their victims. You cannot always see it coming until it is too late. Do complete internet searches, ask their co-workers questions…. Most have a history if you can find it!

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