2 Simple Ways to Improve Your Relationships


Young couple looking at the sunset

As I mentioned in Part 1 of the Attraction Factor series, being attractive is not all about outward appearances. Attractiveness comes from within; how open your heart is to love, how you treat other people, your level of authenticity (being the same person in public as you are in private), etc. These traits shine through any exterior and reveal the goodness inside you, which is what you want.

I witnessed this kind of attractiveness once at a concert in an outdoor amphitheater with numbered seating. A woman was waiting for her companion to join her and she decided to go to the refreshment stand while she waited. Moments later, two gentlemen took her seats. When she came back and saw her seats were taken, didn’t get upset or lose her cool. She approached them, smiled, and held out her hand to shake. “Hi, I’m Julie.” They both reciprocated with a smile and she proceeded to talk to them about how excited she was for the show to begin. After a few moments of friendly conversation, she added, “I’m sorry if there was some confusion, but you’re sitting in my seat.” The men looked at their tickets and realized their mistake. They very politely excused themselves, apologizing profusely, thanking her for being so nice about the whole thing.

Most people become indignant in that kind of situation, but she handled it with such grace! This is an example of the two points I’d like to make today; two more factors that help you become more attractive: being demonstrative, and being a communicator.

An attractive person is demonstrative because she understands the true meaning of love is service.

Remember that old Janet Jackson song, What Have You Done For Me Lately? It’s a great illustration of why so many dating couples never reach the altar and why so many married couples end up in divorce… they make the relationship all about themselves. They’ll sacrifice a little here, give a little there, but when things become difficult or uncomfortable, they focus on what they’re getting out of the deal. If they decide they’re not receiving enough in return for the little they’ve given, they stop giving. That’s when you start to hear comments like, “We’ve grown apart” or “We don’t have anything in common anymore.” Really? Bottom line is, there’s nothing attractive about a selfish person.

But there is something wildly attractive about a person who is generous; someone who focuses on serving others. And there’s a secret about this that not enough people understand—the more you love and serve, the more others want to return love and serve you. It’s true! Serving someone else makes them stop and really notice you. People appreciate you and want to serve you back.

Then we have communication. An attractive person knows how to a)communicate, and b)still be a team player during disagreements and fights.

There is no perfect relationship because we are all imperfect sinners. So when you’re dating, engaged, or married, you can and will disagree on many things. The first rule that will help you is to talk. Don’t keep frustration bottled inside. Don’t side step something that bothers you because you don’t want to rock the boat, spit it out! Talk about what bothers you because the discussion can be a catalyst to having a better relationship. That being said, don’t be afraid to fight, but never forget you’re on the same team. You should be a united front. Make sure the person you are having the disagreement with understands you’ll still be friends after the fight. Here are a few rules of thumb when having a disagreement:

- Don’t use insulting names.
- Don’t use crude language.
- Be patient.
- Be positive, look for a resolution that will suit both of you.

You can begin making this change today in small and simple steps that will likely change your life. For example, begin by giving out compliments to people each day… not just on their outward appearance, but their talents or good deeds you’ve noticed. Of course, every woman likes to hear she’s pretty and men appreciate compliments on their looks, too. Whatever it is, sincerely complimenting people and treating them well will get you noticed, and for all the right reasons.

And take some time to think about the way you communicate in your relationships. Is there anything you can or should change? Are there any familial, work place, or friend relationships that could use some positive and patient communication today? You don’t have to wait until you’re in a romantic relationship to start improving. Start being more attractive, today!

I’d love to hear from you at asklisa@catholicmatch.com. You can follow me on Twitter at @lisaduffy.

 






11 Comments

  1. Brenda-74660 October 14, 2013 Reply

    Great article! I think common courtesy isn’t always so common these days. And I think it is a terrible shame.

    A few years ago when my son was in college I discovered many parents these days don’t provide for their kids once they turned 18 so my home became the place they came on weekends to relax and eat, because if you were a guest of my sons food would be offered. I have found out since I lost my son, this is not a common courtesy these days , in fact most people would expect them to provide their own meals/refreshment. It has been gratifying for me to hear his friends talk about how they always thought my son gave them the family life they always longed for. As a single parent, that gave me great comfort after my loss…..

  2. Lisa-727959 October 14, 2013 Reply

    I’m so sorry for your loss, Brenda! What a great example you’ve been! Count on my prayers for you.

    - Lisa Duffy

  3. Regina-998037 October 15, 2013 Reply

    Thank you Lisa for your article. It brought me back some hope. I like to treat people well and have been surprised always by the courtesy it has given me back.

  4. Lourdes-1017108 October 15, 2013 Reply

    These are very sensible and practical tips. It takes a lot of patience thou and very frustrating if you think you are doing it for very difficult persons. But always thinking that we are doing service for love as we were commanded. The reward is up there!

  5. Brenda-74660 October 15, 2013 Reply

    Thanks Lisa, I do appreciate your prayers. You have mine as well. God bless Brenda

  6. David-907730 October 15, 2013 Reply

    Being divorced for 2.5 years now has allowed me to reflect on my losses! I know now that I should have been more giving and understanding in my marriage! I feel awful that my kids have 2 homes and it makes me sad everyday! The worst part is is that I thought I had a good marriage! Unfortunately my ex saw it different and decided to leave for someone else! I just pray that my kids will be fine and one day I can love again! David

  7. Taryn-442922 October 15, 2013 Reply

    Lisa, thank you for your article. Your story about “Julie” made me think about my Mom and all she does for others: she is one of the most beautiful people I know.

  8. Kim-989867 October 16, 2013 Reply

    Great article!

  9. Vienanna-1010554 October 16, 2013 Reply

    Hi Lisa,
    Thank you very much. How nice your article is! It made my day. It showed me more opportunities to love and to be loved. Have a great day!

  10. Kathy-949034 October 17, 2013 Reply

    Lisa,

    Thank you for your article. I’ve been divorced for a year and half, and I reflect how I was during the marriage years and what I have done now to grow from it. During this year and half, I have also returned back to the church and find myself growing daily, finding opportunities to make better decisions, and showing love and compassion. Blessings on your day! Kathy

  11. Ellen-761443 August 5, 2014 Reply

    Thank you for this article, Lisa. The story of Julie is a great example of how we always have opportunities to treat others well. This is so important in dating! But most people don’t know how to do it, to the detriment of their relationships. And it is so much easier to be kind and considerate, anyway.

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