As I mentioned in Part 1 of the Attraction Factor series, being attractive is not all about outward appearances. Attractiveness comes from within; how open your heart is to love, how you treat other people, your level of authenticity (being the same person in public as you are in private), etc. These traits shine through any exterior and reveal the goodness inside you, which is what you want.
I witnessed this kind of attractiveness once at a concert in an outdoor amphitheater with numbered seating. A woman was waiting for her companion to join her and she decided to go to the refreshment stand while she waited. Moments later, two gentlemen took her seats. When she came back and saw her seats were taken, didn’t get upset or lose her cool. She approached them, smiled, and held out her hand to shake. “Hi, I’m Julie.” They both reciprocated with a smile and she proceeded to talk to them about how excited she was for the show to begin. After a few moments of friendly conversation, she added, “I’m sorry if there was some confusion, but you’re sitting in my seat.” The men looked at their tickets and realized their mistake. They very politely excused themselves, apologizing profusely, thanking her for being so nice about the whole thing.
Most people become indignant in that kind of situation, but she handled it with such grace! This is an example of the two points I’d like to make today; two more factors that help you become more attractive: being demonstrative, and being a communicator.
An attractive person is demonstrative because she understands the true meaning of love is service.
Remember that old Janet Jackson song, What Have You Done For Me Lately? It’s a great illustration of why so many dating couples never reach the altar and why so many married couples end up in divorce… they make the relationship all about themselves. They’ll sacrifice a little here, give a little there, but when things become difficult or uncomfortable, they focus on what they’re getting out of the deal. If they decide they’re not receiving enough in return for the little they’ve given, they stop giving. That’s when you start to hear comments like, “We’ve grown apart” or “We don’t have anything in common anymore.” Really? Bottom line is, there’s nothing attractive about a selfish person.
But there is something wildly attractive about a person who is generous; someone who focuses on serving others. And there’s a secret about this that not enough people understand—the more you love and serve, the more others want to return love and serve you. It’s true! Serving someone else makes them stop and really notice you. People appreciate you and want to serve you back.
Then we have communication. An attractive person knows how to a)communicate, and b)still be a team player during disagreements and fights.
There is no perfect relationship because we are all imperfect sinners. So when you’re dating, engaged, or married, you can and will disagree on many things. The first rule that will help you is to talk. Don’t keep frustration bottled inside. Don’t side step something that bothers you because you don’t want to rock the boat, spit it out! Talk about what bothers you because the discussion can be a catalyst to having a better relationship. That being said, don’t be afraid to fight, but never forget you’re on the same team. You should be a united front. Make sure the person you are having the disagreement with understands you’ll still be friends after the fight. Here are a few rules of thumb when having a disagreement:
- Don’t use insulting names.
- Don’t use crude language.
- Be patient.
- Be positive, look for a resolution that will suit both of you.
You can begin making this change today in small and simple steps that will likely change your life. For example, begin by giving out compliments to people each day… not just on their outward appearance, but their talents or good deeds you’ve noticed. Of course, every woman likes to hear she’s pretty and men appreciate compliments on their looks, too. Whatever it is, sincerely complimenting people and treating them well will get you noticed, and for all the right reasons.
And take some time to think about the way you communicate in your relationships. Is there anything you can or should change? Are there any familial, work place, or friend relationships that could use some positive and patient communication today? You don’t have to wait until you’re in a romantic relationship to start improving. Start being more attractive, today!
I’d love to hear from you at firstname.lastname@example.org. You can follow me on Twitter at @lisaduffy.