» Melancholic and Phlegmatic


You are both introverted and appreciate the private moments in life. The melancholic places a high value on intimacy and romance. The melancholic will analyze the relationship, while the phlegmatic seems not to care. The melancholic will want to talk about it, while the phlegmatic may want to just watch T.V. The two of you will need to learn how to have fun together. Go to a restaurant and talk, satisfying the melancholic’s desire for intimacy and romance, while not nagging the phlegmatic. A relationship should not just be about duty and principles, but also needs to have those carefree moments of fun and romance.

You are both introverts and you will have to learn to express your feelings in positive ways. Melancholics tend to criticize and globalize disaster, which will cause the phlegmatic to withdraw. It will be devastating to the phlegmatic to hear pessimistic, negative comments much of the time. Neither partner will be openly and warmly expressive (unless the phlegmatic has a sanguine secondary temperament), so this can result in neither partner ever feeling appreciative! This, in turn, can result in the phlegmatic withdrawing into silence and the melancholic becoming grumpier than ever! Don’t nag! It will build up resentment in a phlegmatic. Don’t lecture! They will tune you out. Don’t expect your spouse to read your mind! If you want flowers, ask for them. Melancholics think that phlegmatics “don’t care” if they don’t know what is going on in their mind, but also don’t give credit to the phlegmatic for always “being there.”

Both temperaments can tend toward laziness (phlegmatic) or inaction (melancholic). They both can feel awkward about initiating fun and social activities Both might be hesitant to initiate or express positive emotions and feelings. Be overt in your appreciation of each other. The melancholic should learn to pick the important battles, avoid negativity (which discourages the phlegmatic) and give constant, gentle reminders when the phlegmatic is not responding. In turn, the peaceful and easy-going phlegmatic can help the melancholic become more forgiving (especially if there were past emotional hurts) and can help the melancholic partner learn to live more in the present moment.