» Choleric and Choleric


 The two of you are dynamic leaders, good communicators (though not necessarily in an overly affectionate fashion), and highly productive. Many renowned couples are choleric/choleric–Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt, for example. You will likely make a very successful married couple. You are both independent thinkers, goal-oriented, and not emotionally “needy.” As a couple, you value success, accomplishment of your goals, and efficiency. You both probably have areas in which you “take charge”—if you are not both breadwinners, it is likely that one of the spouses is running a group of volunteers, organizing the kids’ school, or starting up a business on the side. But don’t forget to take a vacation or to have a romantic evening. The two of you can be both so busy “doing” that you forget to spend time in reflection, in spiritual formation, and on romance. And, if neither of you are partly sanguine, you might think friends are a waste of time, too!

And, what happens when two cholerics both want to lead the same thing? Learn to listen, instead of having the last word. Try not to engage in useless debates or arguments where neither of you will back down. Allow yourselves different areas in which to compete and control, so you are not stepping on each other’s toes. Learn the art of forgiveness and do not dwell on injuries and hurts. Affirm each other’s contributions.

Loyalty and acknowledgment are key emotional needs for cholerics. Where you might run into difficulties, is if one spouse’s secondary temperament is melancholic, and the other’s is sanguine—while both are driven to accomplish their own agendas! This could result in the choleric-sanguine becoming angry at the choleric-melancholic’s insistence on being a stickler for details, while the choleric-melancholic, in turn, is annoyed by his spouse’s tendency to be overly flexible or to gloss over the details.

In any case, when there are two cholerics in the same house, you do not want to have arguments about who is the boss or allow anger to fester. Learn how to “pick your battles.” You each should learn how to graciously follow the other’s lead. You can each pick separate areas of control, so that you aren’t continually stepping on each other’s toes, and openly acknowledge that you will each have to graciously accept the other’s lead in these particular arenas. You each will have to acknowledge the other’s contributions, and acknowledge when the other is “right.” 

You both want to be successful and to achieve great things. But you will have to watch out for each of you becoming overly successful in the “outside world” while neglecting your relationship. You could wind up operating on parallel tracks which never intersect. You will both need to make time to share the intimate and deep aspects of yourselves. Beware of that pride which refuses to see things from the other’s perspective and fails to apologize when necessary. Take time out to “smell the roses,” slow down, and enjoy the romance. Learn to explore and overtly appreciate each other’s deepest feelings and desires.