» Phlegmatic and Phlegmatic


 When two phlegmatics enter a relationship, you will find that you both appreciate cooperation, peace, and stability. Your family life will be relaxed, low-key, and harmonious. You appreciate having a routine, structure, and calmness. You are both patient and easy-going. You are tolerant, accepting of annoyances, do not dwell on grievances, and rarely ever engage in power struggles. You value commitment to the relationship and you appreciate security in marriage, work, and the social sphere. You will both have a very accepting attitude—toward children, toward the “status quo,” and toward whatever bumps in the road may come.

But, because you are so relaxed, you may find it difficult for one partner to exert strong leadership. Though you like a structured and orderly environment, it falls to someone to actually set it up—and a phlegmatic has a tendency to procrastination! Discussing difficult topics (which will inevitably arise in a relationship) will be a struggle and you may want to avoid it, because you both are sensitive and averse to conflict.

Both of you will be overly accepting—even of situations that ought to change. For example, a low-paying job with no potential may be acceptable to a phlegmatic, simply because it offers job security and the alternative (change) is too frightening to contemplate. A child who is not performing adequately may not be confronted by phlegmatic parents. And the squeaky door or the leaky faucet may never get fixed. With a tendency to procrastination and a lack of attention to details, you can get into serious trouble with your finances. Neither of you will want to work on long-term financial planning, and you might be susceptible to salespeople whom you don’t wish to disappoint, but whose products you don’t need.

Phlegmatics find personal conflict energy-draining and uncomfortable and avoid it at all costs. But when conflict occurs, their feelings can easily be hurt. As a result, both tend to be indirect and may not initiate new activities, and that can become boring. It can also result in being stuck in a rut in the marriage and in terms of future goals. If both partners find themselves “put upon” through work demands, or unable to set limits with their children, they may find their home life “out of control,” with none of the peace and stability that they relish as phlegmatics. In such a situation, someone will have to take charge and set goals. Setting goals and prioritizing will ensure that conflict avoidance doesn’t lead to sweeping serious problems under the rug. Procrastination is often a temptation with this temperament. Be careful not to become a boring couple — reluctant, uninvolved, averse to risk and change. Strive for big goals to counter this. Keep focused and on track. Pay extra attention to diet and fitness. Try not to be withdrawn, or to avoid difficult situations because you don’t “feel” like it.

You probably prefer structured environments; if your job is highly structured with job security, this will be a boon. But too much duty may take the fun out of a relationship. Try to schedule special times for special occasions such as anniversaries, birthdays, and romantic weekends. Seek out ways to include openness, disclosure, fun and passion in your relationship. Structured and planned “getaways” might offer this opportunity. Watch out that your children don’t run the home and take over. Make sure you and your children are continuing to develop your talents and set high goals.